


Props & Mayhem

by I_Ship_It_21, willsmjke



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: ??? i think, Alcohol, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Honestly both of them are being idiots, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Insomnia, JUSTIN JUST TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND AND LOVE HIM DAMMIT, M/M, Marijuana, Molestation, Rape, Recreational Drug Use, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, grand theft penguin, it gets worse from here honestly prepare yourselves, none.... yet, the poor bubs just need to TALK to eachother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2018-11-17 22:45:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 53,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11278320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Ship_It_21/pseuds/I_Ship_It_21, https://archiveofourown.org/users/willsmjke/pseuds/willsmjke
Summary: Alex and Justin moved out and are now going to college. They are finally happy and living in their apartment but do good things always last?---------Pretty much this whole story is the both of us shouting at Justin (and Alex too tbh) to TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND AND LOVE HIM DAMNIT





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the first chapter of our co-written story!

College is the time of your life where you’re supposed to discover who you are, meet new people, and, possibly, find someone to love. For Alex Standall and Justin Foley, they had already checked the last one off of their list. The boys were living in an apartment off campus together and were enjoying their freedom; they had each other and that was all they needed. They were both enrolled for different studies, Alex was in all the music classes he could be in, wanting his bachelor's degree in the subject, perhaps one day going back for his doctorate. Justin on the other hand wanted to help kids who are in the same situation he grew up in. He was taking psychology classes and a course for becoming a Social Worker, a person who can take kids out of abusive homes and help them; something that had never happened to him.

The boys loved living with each other, having freedom and being themselves. It was good for their health as well; Alex was doing a lot better with his depression, now taking medication for it and Justin hasn’t gotten drunk or high since they moved out, he was happy now, he didn’t need an outside substance to make him happy anymore.

That was, until a few weeks later. Justin came home late one night, smelling exactly like how he used to back in high school, when he got high all the time. He knew as soon as he smelt it it was weed. But Alex didn’t think anything of it, assuming a neighbor or someone was smoking, since he only smelt it while the door was open. He’d ask Justin if he had smelt it when he got out of the shower. 

Justin came out, a towel wrapped around him, "Alex, do you have any clothes that need washed, I need to wash some clothes and if you need any I can wash them too," he called to the boy on the couch.

    "Yeah, can you put my black jacket in there?"

    "Of course," Justin walked away, doing laundry Alex presumed.

    Justin came back about 10 minutes later, now with pajama pants on. He sat on the couch next to Alex.

    "Hey babe, did you smell weed when you come home? I smelt some when the door was open and it seemed like it was coming from the hallway?" Alex thought he saw Justin tence but brushed it off as his mind playing tricks on him.

    "Yeah, I could smell it in the hallway, the neighbors must be lighting up," he laughed. Alex laughed softly, standing up when someone knocked on the door. “That must be the pizza i ordered earlier” Alex says, going to the door “put on a movie!” He called over his shoulder to Justin, getting the pizza and paying for it, coming back to sit with Justin. “What movie did you choose?” He asked, leaning against him “The conjuring” Justin said, smiling “Jussss” Alex pouted “you know i hate horror movies” Justin laughed a bit “oh shush we can cuddle while we watch itt” Alex pouted and crossed his arms”okay fineeee” he huffed, nuzzling into Justin’s neck as the movie started. 

Once the movie ended, Justin got up, going to the bedroom first, leaving Alex to get there by himself. Alex got up from the couch after a bit, walking to the room himself and turning off the lights, not knowing Justin was already in there. After a few minutes he felt something grab at his ankle, making him scream. Right after he heard someone laughing, that someone being Justin. “You fucker!” Alex pouted “you scared meeee” Justin laughed and sat on the bed next to him “awh babeeee im sorry” he said, wrapping his arms around him “lets go to sleep yeah?” Alex pouted but nodded, leaning into him “fine you dork.” He said, cuddling into Justin as they laid there, both of them slowly falling asleep together.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning when Alex finally actually woke up Justin had already left. He vaguely remembered Justin waking him up before he left, telling him he was leaving a bit early to look for a job again. He decided that he’d straighten up their apartment a little, cleaning things up and finishing up their laundry. Since it was Saturday, neither of them had any classes that day. 

He had started in the kitchen, washing the dishes that were in the sink, wiping down the counters and everything. Then he moved into the living room, straightening up the pillows on the couch and getting rid if the leftovers that were still on the table from the previous night. 

Next he moved into their bedroom, getting all the dirty laundry and going to put it in the wash, getting the dry clothes and taking them to their room, folding them up and starting to put them away. But when he opened one of their drawers he found something he thought he'd never see again. A small bag of weed was tucked into the corner of the drawer. Alex frowned and took it out, he thought Justin was done with that, but apparently he thought wrong. He stuck it in his back pocket, deciding to ask Justin about it whenever he came home.

That also made him think about the previous night when he smelled it. Something told him that it was Justin that smelled that way, but he didn't want to believe it. He finished putting the clothes away, deciding to try not to think about it. 

By the time he had finished with the rest of the laundry it was around 6 in the evening, since he hadn't woken up till about 1. He decided to go and sit on the couch and watch random movies till Justin got back, also thinking about what he would say to him. 

It wasn't until nearly 10 when Justin finally walked through the door, the exact same smell from the night before coming though with him. Justin sat on the couch next to him, leaning over and kissing the boys cheek. “Hey babe” Justin said, smiling “how was your day?”   
Alex shrugged a bit “fine i guess, mostly just cleaned up and finished the laundry. I also have a question for you.” He said, turning to look at Justin.

“Of course love what is it?” Justin asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“You aren't smoking again are you?” Alex asked, looking up at him, hoping he’d tell the truth.

“Of course i'm not!” JustIn said, but Alex could tell when he tensed up, “why would you even ask that?” 

Alex shrugged, “just last night had me thinking i guess. Are you sure you aren't smoking again Jus? Don't lie to me,” He said.

Justin shook his head, “yes i'm sure.” 

That's when alex pulled the bag out if his back pocket “then what's this? Because i doubt the neighbors could have put this in your drawer.” Alex said, holding the bag in front of Justin's face. 

“I um it's just a friends Alex. It's not mine. They must've put it in my jacket pocket when i wasn't looking.” He said “i told you i stopped and i'm not starting again, that i can promise you okay Alex?” Justin said, frowning. 

Alex sighed, he knew Justin was lying straight to his face, but he gave up, knowing Justin wouldn't tell him the truth anytime soon. He smiled slightly and nodded “yeah of course Jus” he said Justin smiled and hugged him, pulling him close to his chest.

“I love you so much Alex,” he said.  
“i love you too Jus,” he mumbled, but little did either of them know that it was just downhill from there.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin doesn't know how much longer he can keep this up...

Once Justin was sure that Alex was asleep he got up and went out onto their balcony. He sat in one of the chairs and put his head in his hands, “why do I fuck up all the time?” he said to himself. He knew he shouldn’t lie to Alex but he knew how upset he would be if he found out the truth. He won’t let the boy know, he will never upset Alex again. He will never disappoint him again. Justin would do anything to keep Alex happy, even if that means lying to him. _ ‘What he doesn't know won’t kill him,’ _ he thought.  _ ‘No, Alex doesn’t need someone who just lies to him. I don’t deserve him, all I do is lie.’ _ Justin wanted nothing more than to tell Alex the truth about everything but he couldn’t hurt him, never again. High school was a time that he’d never forget and not for the reasons you’d think. He’d played a big part in the death of one of Alex’s friends, almost resulting in Alex’s death as well, since then he swore to protect the boy from everything but in reality the only thing Alex needed protection from was Justin.

Justin had been lying to Alex since he met him and there are some things that he still hadn’t come clean about, he didn’t know how to and he didn’t know if either boys could handle it. All the memories kept flashing through his brain and the only way to get it all to stop was to smoke or drink, them being 21 made it legal for them to drink now as well as smoke weed and tobacco, another habit Justin hid from Alex. 

He held his head tightly, “go away, go away, go away,” he said, rocking back and forth, tears coming out of his eyes. He needed something to make it stop but he had nothing, he needed it to stop. He couldn’t take them away this time, couldn’t make them stop. He fell asleep sitting out in the chair but even in sleep the thoughts haunted him, his dreams were only flashbacks, him having to watch himself go through that all over again, not being able to stop it or wake up.

When he finally woke up he didn’t know where he was but he was really cold and it was really bright. Once his eyes adjusted he looked around, realizing he fell asleep outside. He hoped Alex was still asleep so he could sneak in without being questioned but luck was not on his side today. Alex was up and running around, gathering stuff; he was so frantic that he actually ran into Justin. 

“Where were you? You weren’t in bed any time I woke up,” Alex questioned while continuing to run frantically.

“I couldn’t sleep so I sat out on the balcony, I fell asleep out there.”

“Okay, I have band practice and I’m already late so I’ll see you later tonight,” Alex kissed him and ran out the door. 

Justin waited about 10 minutes to ensure that Alex wouldn’t come back before he grabbed the vape pen he bought that was hidden in the nightstand and walked outside to get high. His weed vape pen worked perfectly fine and he preferred to use it because there wasn’t as much smoke and the smell didn’t linger. Once his pen died and he was high enough to forget he realized how hungry he was. He went back into the house and started cooking, wanting to eat all the food in the house. He got distracted while cooking and ended up burning the food so he settled with eating all the chips they had, he knew Alex would be mad but in that moment he didn’t care. He turned on the tv, watching movies for the rest of the day.

Alex was gone all day as he told him he would be, having band practice from 1 to 4 and work from 5 until 1 in the morning. Because of this Justin was asleep when  Alex got home Justin was asleep, taking up the entire bed. Alex wanted to lay down and cuddle but to do so he had to move Justin. He walked over to his side of the bed and put his hands on Justin’s side, expecting to just push him over a little bit so he could get into bed, the reaction he actually got was one he didn’t expect.

Justin jumped up into a sitting position, screaming, “don’t touch me!”

Alex was taken back, his boyfriends screaming scaring him. He could tell Justin wasn’t okay so he pushed aside his fear and reached out to his boyfriend, quietly saying, “Justin, you’re fine. It’s just me, you’re fine.”

Justin was hyperventilating, he couldn’t stop. He tried to focus on Alex’s voice and the hand rubbing circles on his back, after about 5 minutes it worked and he was able to calm down.

“Baby, what was that about?” Alex asked him.

“Nothing, it was just a nightmare. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything.”

“I know Alex, I just don’t want to talk about it, go to sleep,” Justin said angrily, his voice cold and emotionless.

They were both in bed together but they felt so far apart, there were no cuddles, no touching at all. Justin hated himself, he snapped at Alex, he didn’t want too but he did. His last thought before he fell asleep was ‘ _ why do I always fuck up everything?’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We cannot stop writing this story!!
> 
> \- I_Ship_It_21


	4. Chapter 4

Alex didn’t know why Justin had shouted at him. He wanted to help, to be able to do at least something right. But Justin wouldnt tell him anything. All he wanted to do when he got home was have Justin hold him, to cuddle and forget about what had just happened before he got home, bringing back horrible memories from when he was younger, he it had happened even up until him and Justin left that town where everything seemed to go wrong 

But that didn't happen, he had tried to move Justin over a little, so he could curl into him and fall asleep with him, but Justin screamed and it scared him more than he wanted to admit. And Justin refused to tell him what had happened in his nightmare. 

Long after Justin fell asleep, Alex was still lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling. He’d come to realise that he couldn't sleep without Justin holding him, without him there, making him feel safe. 

That's when his mind started racing again, everything rushing back, making him let out a quiet whimper, hoping it wouldn't wake Justin up. He decided to get up, so his inevitable breakdown wouldn't wake Justin up. 

He walked straight for the bathroom, locking the door behind him and sitting on the floor. He sat there for awhile, debating on if he really wanted to do what he was about to do. He tugged off his shirt, carefully tracing along the scars that he had made himself, along with the ones made by him. A small group of scars that he had made himself spelling out worthless. The day had been all bad. In his rush to get ready that morning he had forgotten to take his medicine. That would hold off whatever thoughts that went through his head without them.

What had happened on his way home made it just that much worse. In his head all he was thinking about was wanting to end it. He hadn't wanted to do that in so long and he hated that just one thing had pushed him back to this point. He knew he wouldn't be sleeping tonight anyway, even though they had classes tomorrow. 

Alex decided that he would do what he had originally went to the bathroom to do. He added scarlet to the large collection of pink and white scars scattered across his body. He cleaned himself up and pulled his shirt back on over his head, going to sit outside, the same place Justin had sat the previous night.

He’d be lying if he said that he didn't think about jumping off that balcony right then, but no one had to know that. He sat there for about an hour before he felt the presence of someone else come outside, he already knew it would be Justin so he didn't bother to move. Justin sat in the chair next to him, staying quiet for a moment before speaking.

“Why aren't you in bed love?” He said softly, Alex could tell he was a mix of concerned and still shaken from his nightmare earlier. 

“Couldn't sleep.” Alex said simply, tugging on the sleeves of his sweater “as pathetic as it sounds i can't sleep unless you're holding me” he mumbled “and my mind started racing and shit so that kinda defeated any chance of sleep too.” He said, squeezing his own fingers, trying to keep them from shaking too much. 

“What were you thinking about?” Justin asked. Alex shook his head “i don't’ wanna talk about it.” He mumbled, he saw justin frown out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn't exactly be upset, since he had used the same excuse hours beforehand.

“Cmon. Come back to bed okay? We can cuddle, you need sleep since we have classes tomorrow.” Justin said standing up. Alex just nodded slowly, following Justin back into the room, laying next to him and burying his face in Justin's neck, he felt so much better laying there with him, close to him and actually able to sleep. Soon after he fell asleep to Justin rubbing his back and the soft thrumming of Justin's heart as he layed on his chest.


	5. Chapter Five

College and high school are two entirely different things. In high school you go to school Monday through Friday for give or take 8 hours in most cases. With college class times and days range. All of Alex's classes were in the morning and Justin's were in the afternoons. 

The boys were cuddled up when Alex's alarm went off. If you asked Justin he'd tell you it was way too early and way too loud. As soon as it was turned off he'd usually fall right back asleep, always being asleep when Alex left, today was no exception. 

“Aleeexxx is too loud,” Justin whined. 

“You shouldn't be the one whining, you get to go back to sleep,” Alex grumbled as he got up and Justin fell back to sleep. Normally Alex would kiss the sleeping Justin before he left but with what happened the last time he touched him while he was asleep, he decided against it. With that Alex left to go to his classes. 

It was a few hours later when Justin woke up again. He went out onto the balcony and lit a cigarette, sitting on the chair, watching the smoke fade away like he knew he was. He knew he was fading, knew the memories he kept having were eating him alive, he didn't know how much longer he could take it. Once he finished his cigarette he took a shower to get rid of the smell and then he got dressed before getting food. Once he finished eating it was time for him to leave to go to class. His psychology class was first today and in all honesty, he loved the class. He locked the apartment and went on his way to his class. 

He got to the class a few minutes early, there weren't many people there. As the minutes passed, more students pile in and soon enough the room was packed, just like it normally was. The professor came to the front, preparing to announce the topic of today's lecture. 

“Students if I could have your attention,” she started, “today's lecture topic is sexual harassment. You will learn how to help someone who has been a victim of it and how to identify a victim.”

Justin zoned out, he did not like this topic but he kept telling himself he could handle it, he'd be fine. It was 10 minutes into the lecture, Justin felt sick, his thoughts wouldn't stop coming. He was going to puke. He got up and ran out of the classroom. He ran to the nearest bathroom, puking into a toilet as soon as he got to it. Once he was sure he was done he stood up and wiped his mouth before flushing the toilet. He walked to the sink and rinsed out his mouth. He thought about whether to go home or back to class. Home sounded like a better idea to him so he started the walk back home.

Once the boy got home he drank some water before collapsing onto the bed, slowly drinking the water while he held his stomach which hurt from throwing up. When he finished the water he decided to try to sleep. He was almost asleep when the door opened and Alex walked in. _ ‘Shit,’ _ he thought, _ ‘how am I supposed to explain to him why I'm here?’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was so short but be expecting more throughout the day!


	6. Chapter 6

When alex walked into the apartment he didn't expect to find Justin there already. He was hoping to just come in and lay down for a bit while Justin was in classes, his stomach had started hurting horribly like it did sometimes. He just wanted to lay down before it got too bad. 

He frowned slightly when he saw Justin home already “why're you home already Jus?” Alex asked, putting his jacket up in the closet, keeping his sweater on.

“Oh um i just felt sick i'm alright now.” Justin said and alex nodded slightly, if he had turned around he would have been able to tell he was lying. 

If he was being honest, he hadn't really had a great day at all, he kept getting off beat in class, his mind wandering off to darker thoughts, remembering things that had happened in the past. Things he knew he would never tell anyone. Especially not Justin. 

He never told Justin anything that happened before he moved. He never told him about his uncle raping him when he was 5 up to not too long before he and Justin left that town. He never told him about Bryce doing it to him either. And he wasn't going to tell him that a complete stranger did the same thing the previous night, someone his uncle knew. 

These were all things he knew he would never tell anyone. He knew that all of this was going to just get him back to the same point he was at before, but he couldn't bring himself to care right now. He was surprised Justin hasn't noticed he hadn't been taking his antidepressants. He normally always reminded him to. And a little voice in his head told him ‘he doesn't care that's why’ but Alex shook his head. Of course he cares, of course he does. 

Alex sat on the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest. The dull aching in his stomach had gotten worse. He tried taking deep breaths to get it to subside slightly but that didn't work, he let a few tears slip, biting down on his lip. 

“Alex? What's wrong babe” Justin asked, suddenly sitting next to him. He had his head buried in his knees, and that just brought back unwanted memories. Flashbacks of when he was so much younger. He flinched away from Justin “get away from me!” He practically screamed, eerily similar to the same way Justin had the night before. The memories swirling around in his head, pushing him closer and closer to the oncoming panic attack. He felt like he was 5 again, sit in the very same position but a very different person next to him, with intentions the furthest from comforting as possible. 

Alex curled into himself at the foot of the bed, trying to calm himself down. He was having a panic attack and he was trying his hardest to calm himself down. After a couple minutes of struggling on his own he felt Justin slowly start to rub his back, softly whispering in his ear. “Calm down love you're okay. I'm right here.” Alex almost flinched away when Justin touched him, but he restrained himself from doing it. 

He tried to convince himself that it was Justin next to him. Not anyone else. Not anyone that wanted to hurt him. It took ages to get himself to remember that. That he wasn't 5 years old sat in his old bedroom at his uncle's house. That he was 21, sat in the bedroom he shared with his boyfriend. Though something of the same nature had happened the day before, and before that not even weeks ago but he tried so hard not to think about it, though it always was there in the back of his mind, even more so now that he hadn't taken his antidepressants in 3? 4 days? He couldn't remember but he knew it was awhile.

He wanted to tell Justin ‘no i'm not okay’ but he didn't, he should have but he didn't. He eventually calmed down enough and curled into Justin, the ache in his stomach still ever present. 

“Go to sleep love. Ill wake you up when in a little while to eat. Just sleep for a bit okay?” He heard Justin say. He just nodded slowly, closing his eyes and falling asleep soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect more chapters to be posyed througjout today ! We may get up to chapter 12 today


	7. Chapter Seven

Justin was not prepared for today, he had got a message earlier stating that he needed to be at his psych class early to talk to the professor about him running out of the class the day before. Apparently his actions were unprofessional and inappropriate. He got up and got dressed, leaving the house about 30 minutes before he normally would. Today he decided he didn’t want to walk, so he took the city bus. Once he arrived at the school he went to his class immediately although he dreaded the conversation. He opened the door, being greeted by his professor standing behind a desk in the classroom. She hadn’t seen him, he could run if he wanted to; no he could do this.

She turned around and saw him, “Justin, I see you got the message,” He nodded. She motioned for him to come in and sit by her desk. “So would you care to explain why you ran out of my classroom during a lecture yesterday?” she said sternly.

“I-um-I,” he stuttered, not sure what to say; he’d never told anyone, he didn’t know how to. He paused and took a deep breath, “the subject of yesterdays lecture is a very sensitive topic for me,” he stated.

“Would you mind telling me why?” she asked.

“I don’t think I can do that,” he said.

“Why?” Okay, he loved this professor but she was really getting on his nerves right now; couldn’t she see that he didn’t want to talk about it?

“It’s very difficult for me to talk about, I’ve never told anyone and during the lecture I started remembering it all and I had to run out so I didn’t vomit all over the classroom. I was too embarrassed to go back to class so I just went home and laid in my bed.”

She nodded, “we will not be talking about that in class again today. Also, you shouldn’t keep it all in, you should tell someone you trust. Does your boyfriend know?”

“No, I’ve never told him.”

“You should, keeping it bottled up and dealing with it alone are not healthy, he could help you.” He just nodded, not saying anything else because the rest of the class started coming in.

He stayed in class all day, not skipping any of them although his thoughts have been running wild since the talk with his professor. He didn’t know if he should listen to her and tell Alex or to keep it a secret like he had since it had happened. He was walking home and he started remembering everything that had happened. The memories wouldn’t stop coming in, he looked up and saw a bar. He knew the alcohol would make them stop so he didn’t think twice about going in and getting a few drinks.

A half an hour and 3 shots later he was on his way home again, this time deciding to take the bus. A man that was in the bar followed him, now standing next to him, waiting for the bus as well.

The man turned to Justin, “you look pretty young, what’s got you going into a bar and getting drunk at 6:30 on a Tuesday?”

Justin shrugged, he wasn’t going to tell this man his life story, “just life.”

The man nodded and Justin didn’t miss the way he moved closer to him, luckily the bus showed up then. Both got on, Justin went towards the back and sat down, the man sitting behind him. The ride was silent, not many people were on so it was a short ride. Justin got off at the stop closest to his house, the man getting off at the same spot. Justin felt a little creeped out but kept reminding himself that the man probably lived around here, that he wasn’t following him. He stumbled and tripped but never hit the ground, the man had caught him.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, expecting the man to let him go and continue on his way but the man wouldn’t let go. “You can let go of me,” Justin said.

“Why would I want to do that?” The man asked, a sinister smile on his face.

Justin struggled against the man as he was carried into an alleyway. The man pushed him against the wall and started to unbutton his pants with one hand, the other hand over Justin’s mouth to keep him quiet. Justin kept struggling, biting the man's hand and screaming before swinging his elbow down with as much force as he could, hitting the man right in the balls. He doubled over in pain and Justin took his opportunity and ran without looking back.

He got to his apartment and he knew Alex was inside. He wanted to tell him what had happened but he knew he wouldn’t. He was still shaking when he got inside. Alex had called out to him but he ignored him, opting for a shower instead. He sat on the shower floor and cried, only getting out when the water went cold then he went to bed, not saying a word to his boyfriend the entire time.


	8. Chapter 8

When Alex got home from his classes he was exhausted. Be decided to just sit on the couch and watch movies, eating a few grapes that were in the refrigerator, he wasn't sure if Justin had noticed him not eating much the past few days, but he decided not to think too much about it, knowing it would just trigger that little voice in his head. 

He didn't like being alone, whenever he was his thoughts always seemed to get dark, especially now. His antidepressants were supposed to stop this, keep him from wanting to die every moment of the day. But since he hadn't been taking them it was worse than before.

Sure he had bad days still, when he just wanted to stay in bed all day, when he couldn't find the energy to move. He doesn't remember exactly when he fallen asleep, memories of what happened coming back all the sudden. 

He was back in his old bedroom at his uncle's house. It was late at night and he had locked the door, hoping he wouldn't find a way into the room and get to Alex. Alex didn't sleep well at night even back then, he was too scared to. Too scared that his uncle would come in while he was asleep. 

In his dream, Alex relived every single moment of it; And he couldn't stop it no matter how hard he tried to wake up. The worst part was that he could feel it as if it were happening to him in the present day. Like it had happened so many times back then, it felt the same way every time. Up until he and Justin moved away from there, only a few people knowing where they even went.

Then the scene changed, he was back in his house, back in their old town. He was pinned down to the couch. The overly large body of Justin’s ex best friend pinning him down. The sharp pain of every thrust shooting up his legs and spine. He’d felt it so many times in the the whole time he was alive he was almost used to it, but that didn't stop it from feeling like fire every time. It didn't stop it from making him absolutely terrified of everything. 

Then it flashed to just a few nights ago, it hadn't happened in so long and when it happened in that alley way, everything came rushing back. It practically made him freeze in place, letting the complete stranger take advantage of him. 

That's when he woke up, a loud scream leaving his throat. He slowly managed to get up from the couch, making his way to their bedroom. Justin was already in the bed asleep, he frowned slightly, normally if he was asleep when Justin got back he would wake him up. He shook off the thought and laid in the bed next to him, curling into himself. He didn't get close to Justin, after what happened before he didn't want to touch Justin while he was asleep. He laid curled into a ball, staring at the wall. 

He didn't sleep at all that night.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for sexual abuse, please read with caution

It was the next morning, neither boys had class this day so they both got to sleep in. Justin rolled over to see how much space was between them; it was a lot, they weren’t even touching. Justin wondered why but at the same time he was thankful for it, he didn’t want to freak out on Alex again and after last night he was sure he would. He shook away the thought and got up, going straight to the balcony again to smoke a cigarette, Alex was asleep so he wouldn’t know. Once he finished it, he quietly went back into the house, not wanting to wake Alex up or get caught.

He went into the bathroom to wash his hands and face, as he was doing so he accidentally knocked a bottle of pills onto the floor. He reached down to grab them, discovering they were Alex’s antidepressants. The bottle was half full, Justin checked the date the pills were picked up to see that this was an old bottle, gotten over 30 days ago. The bottle should be empty and he should have a new one, this meant that Alex wasn’t taking them. He’d have to talk to the boy once he woke up. Justin walked out of the bathroom, going into their bedroom to get dressed, seeing Alex sitting up on the bed awake instead of asleep like he thought he was.

He walked over and sat on the bed, trying to figure out how to ask Alex if he stopped taking his meds. “So, I, umm, I knocked a bottle off the counter and it’s your depression meds, the bottle is from last month but it’s still half full. Are you not taking them?”

When Justin asked that quickly Alex visibly tensed up. He hadn't expected Justin to ask him that, he thought on it. Should he lie? Should he tell the truth? He decided on the latter, he went to speak when he realised he smelled smoke. “I’ll tell you if you tell me why you smell like smoke.” Alex said.

Justin nodded, “okay fine. Now tell me”

Alex nodded slightly “I forgot to take them once, and I guess I just stopped altogether, after the first day I really didn't feel any different so I just stopped” Alex said, playing with his fingers.

“Have you felt any different lately?” Justin asked, looking into Alex's eyes, which he  noticed were dull, completely different to the way they normally sparkled. 

Alex bit his lip, deciding to lie on this one, he didn't want to make Justin worry, “no. I haven’t” he said, dropping his head. “Now, why do you smell like smoke?”

Justin sighed, he didn’t want to tell Alex about this but he had to. He pulled the pack of cigarettes and the weed vape pen out of his pocket, holding them out for Alex to see.

Alex frowned slightly, he knew Justin was smoking again he just hadn't wanted to believe it. “Can you at least tell me why?” He said softly, he could tell today was gonna be a bad day, but he tried not to make it obvious that he suddenly felt so  _ bad _ . 

“I, just, there’s so many things going through my head, things I had repressed are coming through again and it’s the only way to make them stop,” Justin said, hoping that what he said made sense to Alex.

Alex nodded slowly, he understood what Justin meant. He felt the same with the habit he'd picked up over the past few weeks. “I get it. I feel like that alot too.” He said softly “but you can always talk to me okay? I'm not gonna push you to say anything. I know that's probably the last thing you want right now. But I’m always here, hell even if the only thing I can do is cuddle I’ll help. Just tell me if you feel bad okay?” Alex said, looking up at Justin.

Justin nods, thinking about the night before with the man. It wasn’t much, hell it was nothing compared to what else he’d been through but it was a start. Maybe one day he’d be able to tell Alex everything but that day was not today. “Actually something happened last night,” he paused. He knew he couldn’t stop now but he didn’t know if he could continue, no he needed to continue. “I was walking home and,” he sighed, “please don’t be mad, but I stopped at a bar. I didn’t drink much and I was only there for a half hour. When I left I went to the bus stop and this guy followed me out of the bar. I thought he was just going home too. He started talking to me and he sat behind me on the bus, I didn’t think anything of it when he got off at the same place I did. I tripped and he caught me, I just thought he was nice, ya’know, that he was just making sure I didn’t fall. But he wouldn’t let go of me and he carried me into an alleyway. He pushed me against a wall and started trying to unbutton my pants and he covered my mouth. I bit him and elbowed him in the junk then ran, that’s why I was home late,” Justin finished, not able to look up at Alex. 

Alex widened his eyes, gasping softly. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Justin’s neck, holding him close “oh my god” he said quietly “Justin oh my  _ god _ . I’m sorry you had to go through that” he said, rubbing his back “I know how fucking terrifying that is” he added the last part quietly, hoping he wouldn't question him on it.

“What do you mean?” Justin said, wrapping his arms around Alex as well, confused as to how Alex could  _ possibly  _ know how it felt.

Alex bit his lip, glad that Justin couldn't see his face. “Two nights ago” Alex mumbled softly “when I came home late, when i tried to lay down but I scared you. I was walking home from work, a-and this guy dragged me into an alleyway a-and um yeah” he mumbled, biting his lip to hold back tears, not wanting to say it.

Justin knew exactly what he meant, he didn’t have to say it. He clung to Alex as tightly as he could, Alex doing the same, both feeling that if they let go the other could be lost forever. They both needed each other and they both knew it. They also knew there would be no more questions tonight, neither one could handle it. They held each other and cried, both falling asleep that way.


	10. Chapter 10

The two boys decided to skip classes the next day, neither of them wanting to have to go and be surrounded by people all day. When Alex woke up the next morning his head was laying on Justin chest, Justin had his head leaning on top of Alex's.   
He closed his eyes again, nuzzling further into Justin's chest. “Hmm morning lovely” Justin said softly, startling the blonde boy.  
“I didn't know you were awake” Alex mumbled, pulling himself closer to Justin.  
“It’s about 3 in the afternoon Lex” he said, laughing a bit “I've been up awhile and didn't want to wake you” he said, running his fingers through Alex's hair.   
Alex just nodded slightly “mmmm” he hummed softly “are you okay?” Alex asked softly  
“I’ll be fine, the real question is, how are you?” Justin questioned, staring down at the boy.  
Alex shrugged a little “I guess I am? M not really sure. Haven't been up long but it’ll probably hit me in a little while, that's what normally happens.” He said quietly.  
Justin nodded, “should we get up or should we just stay in bed all day?”  
Alex hummed softly, glad that Justin hadn’t pushed him to say anything. “I’d rather stay in bed.” He mumbled “don't think i can really get up anyways.”   
“Okay, I have to pee though….”  
Alex pouts slightly, clinging closer to him. “Okay fine” he pouts “but hurry ‘nd come back” he mumbles.  
“I’ll be as fast as I can,” Justin said.  
Alex nods slightly and lets Justin go, curling up into himself.   
Justin ran to the bathroom, doing what he needed to then came back, he was feeling really fidgety but hoped Alex couldn’t notice.  
When Justin got back in the bed, Alex nuzzled back into him, grabbing his hand and playing with his fingers “why're you being so fidgety Jus?” He said softly “do you not wanna cuddle?” He added quieter, not wanting to make Justin uncomfortable in anyway.  
“I do I just want something else but I don’t want to say it,” Justin didn’t want to admit that he was addicted to cigarettes, in fact he planned on giving the box to Alex and having the boy only give him two a day, wanting to quit them.  
Alex frowned a little, picking up on what he meant. “Jus.” He said softly, leaning his head on Justin's shoulder “if you want a cigarette it's okay. Just try and limit yourself yeah?” He said softly, looking up at him.  
“Yeah, I just, I told myself I’d never smoke them. My mom always did and I hated it, I hate myself for smoking them.”  
Alex frowned and leaned up, kissing his cheek “Jus it's okay. It's a little mistake, i know you can stop whenever you're ready. There's a lot of things i do that i told myself id never do. People make mistakes when they need something to take their mind off of another thing. It's okay”   
He shrugged, getting one out of his coat pocket, “come with me?”   
Alex nodded and sat up, scooting to the end of the bed and standing up.  
The two boys went out onto the balcony and sat in the chairs they had out there, staring up at the sky as Justin lit the cigarette.  
Alex hums softly, pulling on his sweater sleeves, looking over at Justin, watching him as he smoked the cigarette.   
Justin soon finished the cigarette, “do you want to go back inside or stay out here?”  
Alex shrugs slightly, dropping his head to look at the ground. “I don't care really. Whatever you wanna do.” He mumbles softly, pulling on his sleeve again.   
“It’s nice out here, we should stay out here for a little while. What do you want to do for dinner later? I forgot to go to the store so we don’t have much,” Justin asked, looking over to the other boy.  
Alex shrugs a little “whatever you wanna do” he mumbled “i don't care really. Its up to you” he says softly. He knew he was acting weird and it was probably because he hasn't taken his medicine still but he didn't dnt really care at the moment. “We can do whatever you want for dinner Jus” in reality, he internally cringed at the thought of food, but he wasn't going to let Justin know that, he didn't need anything else to worry about.  
“But that’s why I asked you, I have no idea. Do we order something again? Do we go out? Do we go to the store? Do we scrounge around the house until we find something that could pose as a meal?”  
Alex giggled slightly “we could go out I guess?” He said “i honestly don't mind, Jus. We’ll figure out something”  
“Do you want to go out? Like a date night thing?”  
Alex smiles a bit and nods “yeah, we can go on a date and be all cute and shit”   
“Yess, I love it when we get to be all cute and shit! Go get dressed.”  
Alex giggles and nods, standing up and swaying slightly, stumbling a bit. He walked into the house and started to get changed, putting on a tshirt and his black jacket with skinny jeans, putting on his shoes “m readyyyy”  
“I’m not,” Justin called from their room. He came out with only pants on, finishing getting dressed in the living room.  
Alex giggles “i like that shirt on you.” He says, walking over and wrapping his arms around Justin's neck, leaning up and kissing his cheek.  
“I like everything on you but I also like it when your clothes are on the floor instead… that was bad, I’m sorry for that.”  
He blushes a little, looking down “‘s okayyyy don't be sorry” he said, “so are you ready to goooo?”   
“Yep, let’s go,” he said, opening the door for his boyfriend.  
Alex smiled and walked out “ever such the gentleman” he giggled softly.  
“I try,” Justin said as the boys walked out of their apartment complex. They got to the bus stop down the road and waited for a bus to come.  
Alex hums softly and hold Justin's hand, squeezing it a little since he was slightly anxious.   
They stayed as close to each other as they could, both wanting to protect the other. They were both nervous to be around everyone but they knew they would protect each other, as long as they were together they would be okay.   
They bus soon got there and they both got on, sitting next to each other in the back where not many people were.   
Alex leaned his head on Justin's shoulder, taking Justin’s hand and playing with his fingers again. He wanted to get off the bus, but he also didn't want to get to the restaurant just yet, knowing he'd have to force himself to at least eat something.  
The bus soon got to their stop and Justin got up, putting his arm around Alex's waist, leading him off the bus and to the restaurant.   
Alex smiles and walks with him, humming softly as they walk in. “Have we ever even been to this place before? I don't remember” he asks, looking up at Justin “there's a lotta people here” he adds.   
“No we've never been here but I've seen it before. It doesn't normally seem busy,” Justin says, pulling Alex closer to him.   
Alex bites his lip, nodding a bit “maybe everyone just decidedly to come today” he said, staying close to Justin. He hadn't realised how absolutely anxious he was until now.   
“Yeah there must be something going on,” the restaurant was one that had tables indoors and out, “we could ask for a table outside, there will be less people around us that way.”  
Alex nodded “yeah let’s do that” he said “the less people the better honestly. Restaurants like this are honestly the best.”  
Justin nodded as he went in to put their names on the list. A waitress soon came and took them to an outside table, giving them each a menu.   
Alex hums softly and follows behind Justin to the table, sitting down, glancing at it abit.  
The waitress came back asking for their drink orders, leaving once they told her what they wanted. She came back with their drinks soon after, pulling out her notepad “so what would you two like to eat?”   
Alex bit his lip, glancing at the menu, “i um I'll just have a small salad.” he mumbles.  
Justin looked at him confused, “babe are you sure that's what you want? You haven't eaten today.”  
Alex nods, not looking up “yeah i’m sure” he said, smiling slightly “i um can't find anything else” he said, saying it as more of a question.  
Justin didn't believe him but brushed it off anyways, ordering a burger and fries. The waitress left and the two were mostly alone again, only a few other people were outside.   
Alex kept his head down, playing with his fingers, shaking his leg a bit. He knew that Justin didn't believe him, he could've at least come up with a better excuse than that. He just was hoping Justin wouldn't say anything else about his eating habits, or lack thereof.  
“Baby, what's wrong? You're not acting like yourself.”  
Alex frowned a little, looking up “what do you mean Jus?” He asked “m okay. Nothings wrong.”  
“I don't know, it's probably just me, you just don't seem like yourself.”  
Alex bit his lip, he hated lying to Justin, so he thought he'd at least give him something “remember how i said earlier that i do things that i told myself id never do..?” He said softly   
Justin nodded, “yeah, like how I said I'd never smoke?”  
Alex nodded “yeah. Well i um this is one of those things that i told myself id never do. It just kinda happened”   
“What thing?”  
Alex sighed softly “why else wouldnt i eat all day and just order a salad?” He said softly, not wanting to have to explain it.  
Justin held his head in his hands, “why didn't I notice sooner, I'm a terrible boyfriend.”  
“No Jus you're not.” Alex said, reaching across the table and grabbing one of his hands. “I didn't want you to notice.” He said softly “you aren't a terrible boyfriend. I promise you that.”  
“I still should've noticed. This is something that could kill you! I've been so busy paying attention to my problems I didn't even notice what was going on with you.”  
“Justin its okay” Alex says, looking up at him “and it’s not gonna kill me. M not gonna let it get that far. If it’ll make you feel better ill try to eat more okay?” He said “sometimes people just don't notice thing, and that's okay, alright?”  
“Please eat more, I can't lose you. I need you,” Justin begged.   
Alex nodded “i'll try. I promise.” He said softly “you won't lose me Jus, i promise.”   
Justin nodded and the waitress walked over with their food, Justin throwing a fry on Alex's salad, “no one can resist a fry.”  
Alex giggles softly, picking it up. He bit his lip, looking at it for a bit before putting it in his mouth, chewing probably way too many times. “There” he hums, smiling.   
Justin smiled too, happy that he actually ate it. They both started eating their food, hoping that nothing would happen to ruin their night.   
Alex hummed softly, giggling and throwing a tiny tomato at Justin, making it bounce off his forehead   
Did you just hit me with a tomato!?” He asked before getting an evil glint in his eye. He picked up a fry, throwing it at Alex, it landing in his hair.  
Alex laughed, “it stuck!” He giggled “It actually stuck”   
“Yes! I am Almighty! Bow down to me!”  
Alex laughed “oh my god, you're such a dork” he smiles “but i love youuuu”  
“I love you too,” Justin smiled, getting up and leaning, basically laying, on the table to kiss Alex.   
Alex giggles softly and kisses back, a waitress walking over to them a minute later.   
Justin sat back in his seat, looking up to the waitress, her giving them the bill. He then looked back at Alex, admiring the boy.   
“I honestly thought she was coming over to yell at us” alex giggled, turning to see Justin looking at him “whattt?” He said, blushing a bit.   
“I love you, so fucking much.”  
Alex blushes again, “i love you moreee.” He says, reaching over and poking his cheek “should we get going before they actually do come to yell at us for being too loud?” He giggles.  
“Sure,” Justin smiled, getting up and pulling Alex’s chair out for him.  
Alex smiles and held his hand, the two of them walking to the front of the restaurant to pay. Then they got on the bus to go home, sitting in the back where the least people were.   
Alex leaned his head on Justin’s shoulder, and finally, for once things were looking up.   
Or, they thought they were. Then everything started going downhill again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an extra long one ! Over 2000 words !


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for violence, eating diisorders, and excessive drinking. Please read with caution.

Everything was fine, the boys had started talking to each other and they were communicating about everything. That last a week; Justin had come home drunk and continued to do so for over a week, every night he was drunk.

Alex hated it. Justin had promised him he wouldn't get drunk anymore, he had really hoped that things would get better. That they would be happy again. He thought that since Justin broke his promise, so would he. Justin didn't even  _ notice _ when the boy stopped eating altogether. Only eating very small amounts every 2 days. 

It was 3 am when Justin came stumbling into the house. He tripped over his feet as he was trying to get into bed, him falling onto a sleeping Alex but being too drunk and tired to move.

Alex yelped quietly, struggling to get the boy off of him. He started breathing heavily, the feeling of someone larger than him pinning him down bringing back unwanted memories. “J-jus please get off” he whimpered softly.

Justin grumbled a bit before rolling off of him, flopping into his usual spot, falling asleep almost instantly. 

It was only a few hours later that he woke up again and practically sprinted to the bathroom, violently vomiting, knowing he woke Alex up with how loud it but he couldn’t stop.

Alex stirred slightly, slowly sitting up getting up and walking into the bathroom behind him, stumbling slightly, wearing one of Justin's too big shirts, it being even bigger on his  _ tiny _ frame. He stood in the doorway “Jus?” He said softly, gripping onto the door frame so he didn't fall over.

Justin tried to respond but he couldn’t, his head was now killing him, he was sure he had popped a blood vessel. He took a moment and was gasping for air before he started up again, he was clinging to the toilet as if it were his lifeline.

Alex slowly walked over to him, sitting on the floor next to him, rubbing his back. He sighed softly, he felt bad for him, but then again he kinda didn't. He had promised him he wouldn't get drunk anymore.

Justin finally stopped puking and stood up, he failed and fell, ending up leaning on Alex. He rested his head on Alex’s shoulder, being extremely dizzy. “I-I’m sorry I woke you up, I tried to be quiet, I really did.”

Alex nodded slightly, playing with Justin's hair. “It's okay jus.” He said softly, hoping he didn't realise how boney his shoulders had gotten “it's not like you can control how loud you puke. It's okay”

“I love you, thank you for putting up with me,” Justin said into Alex’s shoulder.

“Yeah.” Alex said softly “i love you too jus.” He says, leaning his head on top of Justins.

Justin reached out and grabbed the counter using it and the walls to keep himself up, “I need to lay down.” He was holding onto the walls hoping he wouldn’t fall because he didn’t know if he’d be able to get up and he knew Alex couldn’t pick him up.

Alex bit his lip, following him back into the room. Making sure he wouldn't fall. He help Justin lay down, sitting at the end of the bed as well.

“Lay with me?” Justin asked, pouting at him and using puppy dog eyes.

Alex nodded and laid down next to him, turning on his side so that he was facing him.

Justin put his arms around Alex, resting his head on Alex’s shoulder, falling asleep again.

Alex sighed softly, leaning his head on top of Justin’s, squeezing his eyes shut, wincing slightly at the pain in his stomach. At this point he couldn't tell if it was from hunger, his stomach thing or maybe even both. He just took a deep breath, trying to ignore it.

This time it was about 1 pm when Justin woke up. He didn’t want to get up, he was hung over and his stomach hurt like hell from puking. He cuddled into Alex more, groaning in pain as he did so. 

“Are you okay jus?” Alex said softly, playing with his hair again. “Do you need anything?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said. He remembered he had some weed still and he knew that would take the pain away but he knew Alex wouldn’t like it if he did so he saved that thought for later.

“Oh bullshit Justin.” Alex said, huffing slightly “at least let me get you some painkillers or something. Let me at least be useful for  _ something _ ” he said.

“You are useful, I can lay on you and right now that’s all I need. I’ll be fine, I don’t need anything other than you.”

Alex sighed, leaning his head on top of Justin’s “yeah. Okay” he mumbles “okay.”

They stayed like that for hours, neither wanting to move. Justin was actually sober for once so they could have an actual conversation. Alex knew that Justin would just leave to get drunk off his ass again, but he decided to just savor it while he could. 

“I love you. More than you know. I'm sorry I'm not the best boyfriend, I know I'm not even a good one but I'm trying. Please, whatever you do, don't give up on me and if you do, if I do something and we break up, please don't cry. I'm not worth it. Alex, I want you to know that you deserve the world and everything in it and nothing is too good for you but you are too good for a lot of things, including me,” Justin said, picking at a loose string on the blanket. 

“Don’t say that jus.” Alex says softly “honestly there's nothing you could do that would make me want to break up with you, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. And i'm not too good for anything, i'm below average at most. No ones perfect Jus. And that's fine, you don't need to be perfect for me. I love you so fucking much.”

“I drank more than usual last night,” Justin confessed. “My mom came in, I don't know why she's in this town but the guy she was with kept glaring at me and she completely ignored me. I know she saw me but she didn't care. It's been two years since we left that town and two years since I've seen or talked to her and she still doesn't care,” Justin was crying a bit now. “You're all I have, without you I'm nothing. I know that one of these days you're going to find someone better, it's inevitable, but that thought terrifies me. I just want to be good enough for you but I know I'm not. I know you're going to tell me I am but I know I'm not, if my own parents never cared about me how will anyone else care?”

“Justin stop” alex says softly “you are good enough. I promise you that. Fuck her, she's honestly just a piece of shit. I love you so fucking much, i'm never going to leave you. I promise.”

He holds his pinky out, “pinky promise?“

Alex nods and links their pinkies “pinky promise” he says softly, smiling a bit. 

Justin smiled, bringing Alex's hand down and kissing it, still holding onto it the whole time. 

Alex giggles a little and blushes, smiling. 

They both fell back to sleep, staying that way for the rest of the night. 

It was a few days later when it happened again. Justin came home drunk, this time he was shitfaced, sure to not remember any events of the night when he woke. It was about 1 am when he stumbled through the door, Alex was sitting on the couch waiting for him. 

Alex looked up from the TV where he was watching a random movie. “Took you long enough.” He mumbles to himself “cmon. You gotta go lay down.” He says, standing up and walking towards Justin. 

Justin jerked himself away from Alex, “no, I don't wanna lay down!” He tried to get away from Alex but ended up  tripping and falling onto the ground. 

Alex rolled his eyes, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him up, falling backwards himself. “Seriously Justin. Just cmon you're gonna regret it when you wake up tomorrow. 

“No! I am a grown adult, I can do what I want! You're not my parent, you can't tell me what to do!”

“Well if you're such a grown adult  _ act like it _ . Because as of right now you're acting like a fucking child.”

“Says the guy you can't even eat properly.”

“Really? You're really gonna stoop  _ that _ low. Using a fucking eating disorder against me? Well here's a fucking tip. You broke your promise and so did i.” 

“So because I got drunk, wanting to forget things for a few hours you're gonna do something that can kill you? Whatever Alex, do whatever the hell you want. If you're gonna care so little about everything that you're gonna let yourself die then I won't care either,” he managed to get up, shoving past Alex as he walked out the door, leaving again. 

Alex winces slightly as he fell backwards, hitting his head on the table. He sighs and lays back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Justin just told him he didn't care, pretty much that he didn't  _ care _ if he died. He wondered when everything started going bad again, when he started wanting to die again.

Justin walked down the road, going into a liquor store buying a couple bottles of vodka, “if he cares so little that he's gonna starve himself to death, I'll drink myself to death, maybe then he'll realize he doesn't want to die,” it didn't make sense but he was too drunk to care. He sat on a park bench drinking until it was all gone, him passing out on the bench. 

Alex sighed softly, deciding to call Justin. He grabbed his phone and tapped on his contact, putting it on speaker and waiting for him to answer.

Justin woke up but not because of his phone, someone was poking him. “Fuck off,” he said, trying to go back to sleep. The poking continued though and he could hear a voice but he couldn't tell what it was saying. He rolled over, “I said fuck off!” He yelled this time. 

“Sir you can't be drunk here, you're going to have to come with me,” a cop said. 

Justin hated cops, he always had. They never helped him when he was little or when he needed them. They never listened to him, why should he listen to them? “No, leave me be. I'll pass out again and wake up sober then I'll go home.”

“I'm afraid that is not an option beings are you are in violation of the law. You're going to have to come with me whether it is the easy way or the hard way. I suggest you cooperate so this can go a lot faster.”

“And I suggest you fuck off,” he said again. 

This time the cop grabbed him, handcuffing him and doing all the things he's supposed to and dragging him to the car. When they arrived at the station he was thrown into the holding cell and the cops called Alex. 

Alex sighed and answered the phone. “Hello?” He said, widening his eyes when the officer told him what happened. “Yeah. Yeah i'm on my way. Thank you.” He mumbled, standing up and putting on his jacket, walking down to the police station.

Justin sat in the holding cell, he was banging his head on the wall. He was pissed, mainly at himself. He always told himself he'd never be in a jail cell, not again. Even though the first time it happened it wasn't his fault for anything and he was a child, he still hated it and he hates it even more now. Alex walked in and Justin looked away, refusing to make eye contact the the cop opened his cell, releasing him into Alex's custody. 

Alex grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the police station, starting to walk home. He didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say without pissing Justin off, so he decided to just keep his mouth shut as they got back to the apartment, unlocking the door and pulling Justin inside.

“Let go of me, I'm not a doll, you can't just manhandle me,” Justin grumbled, pulling his arm away from Alex once more. 

Alex sighed “i'm literally half your fucking size how am i gonna manhandle you? Don't be pissed at me because you got yourself arrested.”

“You seemed to be doing a pretty good job at it beings as you drug me here! Fucking cop should've minded his own business, I wasn't hurting anyone.”

“It's still illegal to be drunk in public Justin! To be honest you might have hurt someone, you're a fucking asshole when you're drunk!” Alex said, stepping closer to him. 

“Well you're a fucking asshole too,” Justin said, too drunk to think of a proper comeback. 

“Oh really? How so? Says the one who basically fucking told me you didn't care if i died. And i'm the fucking asshole?” 

“Yeah, maybe if you actually cared about yourself and others around you I wouldn't drink to the point where I can't think. If you weren't an asshole you'd take care of yourself! I would care if you died but you don't care enough to keep yourself healthy and there's nothing I can do but give up! So fuck off and let me forget about you.”

“You know you just contradicted yourself right? You say you care so fucking much but you want to forget about me? Ya know maybe i'm doing this because i  _ want  _ you to fucking realise that what you do affects me too. You're drinking again, after you  _ promised _ me you wouldn't get drunk anymore. You fucking  _ lied  _ to me Justin!” 

“You promised me you wouldn't hurt yourself and that you'd take care of yourself, you're no saint, you lied too.”

“I did because you did. I didn't see the point in making an effort if you weren't going to care enough to keep your promise. When are you gonna realise that if anything happens to you, that will literally push me to the same breaking point as before Justin.”

“When I'm drunk you're in pain, does it even make a difference because when I'm sober I feel pain.”

“Maybe if you would  _ talk _ to me it would help” Alex says “what part do you understand i  _ want  _ to help, some fucking how i want to help but you won't let me! You won't let me fucking help!”

“There's nothing you can help with! It's all in the past, it's all stuff I need to forget but I can't forget when it keeps happening, they keep popping up everywhere, they won't let me forget!” He yelled out the last part. 

“You can still fucking  _ talk _ about it! You don't have to fucking keep everything from me Justin!” Alex shouted “i want to fucking help but you won't tell me fucking anything and that makes me feel pretty fucking useless.”

“I don't want to talk about it, I don't want  _ you _ to  _ know _ . Stop fucking asking about it!” Justin yelled taking a few steps towards Alex. 

“You could fucking at least tell me something Justin! You don't have to tell me everything just fucking give me  _ something!” _

“Why should I? You don't tell me anything.”

“I told you about my eating disorder. I gave you at least  _ something _ . Do you know how fucking  _ scared  _ i was to tell you that? Just, whatever Justin. Take your ass to bed. You won't remember shit in the morning any fucking way.”

“No, don't fucking try to walk away from me!” Justin yelled, grabbing Alex by his arm. “I did tell you something, it might've been small but it was something, or did you forget because you were only focusing on yourself?” He asked, still holding onto him. 

“I actually do fucking remember Justin! You think i'm some selfish asshole but i care more about you than i do  _ anything  _ else! You don't seem to fucking realise that though.” Alex yanks his arm away from him “like i  _ fucking  _ said. Take your ass to bed Justin. You won't remember a goddamn thing in the morning so why does anything  _ fucking _ matter.” Alex says, standing right in front of Justin.

“You can go to bed, I'm not going to. I do not have to listen to your every order,” Justin turned to walk away but ended up falling on his ass. 

“Obviously i'm not the one who needs to go the fuck to bed. So get your ass  _ up _ and go the fuck to  _ bed, foley”  _ alex says, huffing slightly “you're gonna end up fucking hurting yourself”

“You'd like that, wouldn't you? Me hurting myself because I'd ‘get what I deserve’ for drinking again; for breaking whatever promise it was that I made.”

“Im telling you to go to bed so you  _ don't  _ hurt yourself. As much as i hate that you're drinking again you don't deserve to get hurt. Just go to bed Justin. I’ll sleep on the couch.” Alex said, trying to pull justin up off the ground. 

“Don't touch me!” he yelled, flailing to get away from Alex. 

“Then got you fucking ass  _ up _ , foley. You're acting like a fucking toddler. Just get the  _ fuck up  _ and go the  _ fuck _ to bed asshole. A you say i'm the one who doesn't fucking care” he says, mumbling the last part.

Justin managed to get up and he walked up to Alex, “the fuck did you just say?” He asked in a low quiet voice. 

Alex shrunk back slightly “i  _ said  _ you're the one who says i don't fucking care. But look at how you're acting.” He said, crossing his arms “you're acting like a fucking asshole.” 

“Watch your fucking mouth you little bitch.”

“Or what? You can't fucking  _ tell _ me what to do. You aren't my parent,  _ asshole _ ”

With that Justin swung his hand, hitting Alex’s left cheek. Justin then pushed him away, “get the fuck away from me, now.”

Alex yelped quietly, falling back and falling on the floor, scooching away from Justin. He never thought that  _ Justin _ would hit him, that his own  _ boyfriend  _ would actually hit him. He felt himself tear up, tears starting to fall from his eyes and down his cheeks. He slowly got up and sat on the couch, pulling the blanket that was draped over the back of it around himself.

Justin went to bed, passing out the second he hit the pillow.

The next morning Alex woke up on the couch. He was confused for a second before he remembered what happened the previous night. He brushed his fingers over his cheek, there was probably a mark but he could cover it up easily. He got up and walked into the bathroom, looking for that face paint they had for some reason. He found the color that would closest match his skin tone and put a bit on there, covering the red, and slightly purple, mark. It hurt like fuck to touch but he didn't want Justin to see that.

Justin woke up evergreen extremely hung over and he wanted Alex. He reached his arm out but felt no body next to him. He opened his eyes to see that he was alone, Alex was nowhere to be seen.  He got up and walked into the living room, wanting to find Alex. He proceeded to the kitchen, getting water and tylenol, taking the pills then going to sit next to Alex on the couch. He turned to his boyfriend, “why weren't you in bed?”

Alex bit his lip, flinching slightly away from Justin “you were drunk and passed out. I didn't want to bother you so i just slept on the couch.” Alex said, it was technically a lie but he didn't want Justin to find out what actually happened.

“Oh. What all happened last night? I remember coming home and then leaving again but I don't remember why I left or what happened after.”

Alex bit his lip “we got into an argument. And you left and ended up getting arrested for being drunk in public. I had to come bail you out then when we got back you passed out.” He said, glancing over at him. 

“I got arrested? Fuck,” he held his head in his hands. “How much was bail?”

“They didn't make me pay anything” Alex said, leaning back against the couch “they just called me and told me to come and get you.”

“You should've left me there.”

“I wasn't gonna do that Jus.” Alex said softly “i wasn't just gonna leave you there”

“I got myself there, I deserve to stay there.”

“No you dont Jus. You made a mistake. It's okay. I wasn't gonna leave you.”

“I always promised myself that I'd never get arrested, that I'd never have anything to do with cops again and then I did it…”

“It's not your fault” alex said “i was the one who started the argument. And you got mad and walked out. It's not your fault.”

“I still shouldn't have left, I shouldn't have even drank! But I did and no one is to blame but me.”

“You just wanted to forget something. I don't blame you Justin. It's okay” alex said softly “i promise. It's okay.”

“I love you, so much. I don't know why you put up with me,” Justin said, leaning his head over onto Alex's shoulder. 

Alex flinches slightly, taking a deep breath, “i love you too jus.” He said softly. 

Justin sat up and looked at him, “that's the second time you've flinched away from me today, baby what's wrong? Did I do something?”

Alex bit his lip, trying to come up with a lie “oh um nothing's wrong. Just had a nightmare, still a little jumpy. I'm okay” 

“Are you sure? Baby, if I did something please tell me!”

“Justin im sure. I just had a nightmare. You didn't do anything!” Alex said, looking up at him “you didn't do anything jus.”

Justin nodded and leaned his head down again, lightly kissing Alex's neck before resting his head on his shoulder's again. 

Alex hums softly and pulls on his sweater sleeves, pressing down against his wrist, wincing a little at the slightly pain from putting pressure on the cuts there. He grabbed Justin's hand, biting his lip and playing with his fingers.

Justin smiles, looking at the boy he loves. “How did I get you?” He asked to himself outloud. 

“Hmmm?” Alex asks “what do you mean?” He says softly

“How did I, a crappy person, get you, an amazing person?” 

“You aren't crappy jus” alex says softly “and i'm far from amazing. You Are really the best thing that's ever happened to me.”

“You're the best thing that happened to me. If it weren't for you I'd either be homeless and living on the streets or I'd be dead. You saved me from that place and I don't think I will ever be able to thank you for that.”

Alex smiles slightly “you don't have to thank me Jus.” He says softly “i love you so much”

“Yes I do, you got me away from them, something I'd never be able to do by myself.”

“Still” alex says “you don't have to thank me. You've honestly saved me more than you think.”

Justin smiled and leaned up to kiss him, stopping when smelt something, he got closer to Alex's face, “are- are you wearing makeup?”

Alex bites his lip, nodding a little “um y-yeah. I am. Im wearing makeup” he says softly, looking up at Justin. 

“Why? Like is there a reason or did you just want to?”

“Just wanted to” alex says softly “just wanted to try if ya know?” 

Justin nodded, he was skeptical but he didn't want to push it. 


	12. Chapter 12

Alex was lying, that much Justin knew but he didn't know why. Alex didn't want Justin to know why he was wear makeup, knowing it would just make him feel bad. He would just hide it until the mark fully went away.  
Justin didn't know how to confront Alex but he knew he needed to.   
Alex knew Justin didn't believe him. He was worried he'd figure it out and do something dumb.  
The two were in the kitchen doing dishes when Justin decided to screw with Alex and sprayed him with the detachable faucet, starting a water war.   
Alex squealed, getting a cup of water and throwing it at him. “hEYyy”  
Justin shrieked at the cold water and sprayed him again, “the war is on!”  
Alex giggles and throws a sponge at him “justinnn”  
“Do you surrender?” Justin asked, the spray faucet thing pointed right at Alex.   
“Yes yes i surrender” Alex giggles “staphhh”  
Justin smiled and sprayed him one more time, “okay, I'm done,” he put it away. When he looked up something on Alex looked off. He looked closer to see there was a purple mark on his cheek that looked like a bruise. Justin stepped closer to him, reaching out his hand to poke it.   
Alex winced slightly, biting at his lip “what?”   
“Your cheek, it looks like there's a bruise. Did someone hit you?” He asked the last part in anger, no one is allowed to hurt Alex.   
Alex bit his lip “i um yeah, it happened at school. No big deal”   
“It is a big deal, who did it? I will find them, no one hurts you.”  
“Jus it's fine” alex says softly, holding his hand “it really isn't a big deal. I lost my shit and picked a fight. It's fine.”  
“You weren't fine the last time you lost your shit and fought someone. This isn't okay, please tell me who did it?” Justin practically begged.   
Alex sighed softly, trying to think of someone “okay. Okay fine.” He said “it was Montgomery. He pissed me off and i lost my shit. I'm fine Jus. Really.”  
“No, not okay, not again. I think I need to have a talk with him,” Justin said, starting to get up.   
Alex shakes his head, holding his hand “Justin its okay, its not as bad as it was before. I'm fine okay?”  
“No, it’s not okay! I’m supposed to protect you and keep you from getting hurt! It needs to stop!” Justin said, obviously upset.  
“Justin.” Alex says softly “you can talk to him about it tomorrow okay? Can we just cuddle please?” He says softly.  
Justin nodded and leaned back into the couch, holding Alex and resting his head on Alex’s shoulder.  
The next day, Alex decided he had to get monty to pretend he did it. He walked up to him, “hey Monty? I need to ask you a huge favor,” He said.  
“What do you want Standall?” Montgomery asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Okay, long story short, Justin got drunk and kinda hit me. He saw the mark and I kinda told him you did it so he wouldn't flip out. I need you to act like you did it because he said he wants to talk to you,” Alex said, biting his lip.  
“Jesus Christ, Standall. He literally hit you and you aren't even gonna tell him? If that was Jeff that'd done that I’d at least tell him,” He said.  
“No, I can't tell him because it’ll just make shit worse than it already is right now. Can you please just do me this favor? Please don't tell him he was the one that did it,” Alex said, practically begging him.  
“Yeah yeah fine. I’ll make him believe that I did it. But you owe me Standall.”  
“Thank you,” Alex said, turning and walking away, heading home.  
Justin had just got to school and he was looking for Monty but couldn’t find him. After about 10 minutes of looking he ran into Jeff.  
“Jeff.”  
“Hey Justin.”  
“Do you know where your boyfriend is?”  
“Yeah, should be somewhere around the math and science wing, why?”  
“He hit my boyfriend again and I’m not very happy about it,” Justin said angrily.  
Jeff nodded, “just don’t hurt him too bad okay? At least have it to where it’s something I can take care of myself.”  
“Yeah, thanks,” Justin said, heading to the S.T.E.M wing to find Monty.  
He got there just in time to see Monty walking out of a math classroom, “Monty!” he called to him, making the boy stop and turn around.  
“Whats up Justin?” He said, turning around and crossing his arms.  
“So, uh, Alex told me that you two got into a fight again.”  
Monty nodded “yeah. So what? He's the one who started it.”   
“Why did he do it? What did you do to antagonize him this time?”  
“I was throwing papers and shit at him because he fell asleep in class and he got all pissed off.” He said, easily coming up with a lie “he lost his shit for no reason just like last time.”  
“First of all, why did you fight back? You should’ve just tried to get him to calm down instead of hitting him. And Secondly, did he tell you to stop and you continued? You probably annoyed the shit out of him,” Justin said.  
“He didn't tell me to stop he just flipped the fuck out and tried to start fighting,” Monty said.   
“As I asked before; why did you fight him instead of trying to calm him down, I thought you quit fighting with people?”  
“Yeah well you thought wrong then. I've got a short temper what can i say? I wasn't just gonna let him flip the hell out and not fight back. He was the one who threw the first punch so i finished it.”  
Justin shook his head, “I thought Jeff got you into anger management classes and I don’t know what you did to your boyfriend but he basically told me I could kick your ass.”  
“Oh whatever. You won't do it anyways. And yeah he did, so what? That doesn't mean i have to do that bullshit in the class” he said, in reality the classes actually had helped a lot, but Justin didn't need to know that.  
Justin sighed, “you always were my friend but you really are an asshole, ya’know that?”  
“I am quite aware that i'm an asshole” Monty said “is that all you wanted? Don't you have a class to get to?”  
“I have about 10 minutes until I need to be at my psych class and honestly I was just pissed, Alex wouldn’t tell me anything so I knew I’d have to come to you to find out anything,” Justin said.  
“Maybe he was scared to tell you or some shit i dunno.” Monty said, crossing his arms “well i told you everything, anything else?”   
“No, I’ll go, I just don’t understand why alex would be afraid to tell me, it’s literally just you,” Justin said.  
“Maybe he was afraid of your reaction? I don't know ask him yourself.” Monty said.  
“I have, he won’t tell me anything, it took a few days for him to even tell me that it was you. Anyways, I should probably go now,” Justin said.   
“Look, try asking him why he was afraid to tell you? Maybe he'll tell you something now that you know what happened.”  
“I’ll do something,” Justin said as he turned to leave, waving back and walking away.  
Alex sighed softly, laying on the couch and waiting for Justin to get home. He would probably be drunk whenever he did come home.  
Justin did come home, surprisingly not drunk, he was a little tipsy but that was it. He walked into the house and called out for Alex, the boy maybe aggressive when he’s wasted but he’s clingy when he’s tipsy. “Aaaaallllleeeeexxxxxxxxx!!”  
Alex stirred slightly from where he had fallen asleep on the couch, curled up underneath the blanket and snoring softly.  
Justin pouted when he noticed where he was so he went into the kitchen and got into the alcohol cabinet that Alex doesn’t think he knows about and he grabbed a bottle of something. He walked back into the living room and moved Alex’s legs, sitting down, then putting his legs on his own legs.  
Alex stirred a bit, moving around so he had his head in Justin's lap, curling up into him “mmm hey jus” he mumbled softly, still half asleep “did you have a good day?” He says softly.  
Justin nodded, “yeah, I talked to Monty earlier.”   
Alex nodded, sitting up and nuzzling into Justin’s neck, “how'd that go?” He hummed softly, he had gotten into the stash of weed Justin had hidden in their nightstand and he was definitely, 100% high as fuck, but he kinda hoped Justin wouldn't didnt notice.  
“It went, I think him and Jeff might’ve gotten in a fight because Jeff gave me permission to kick his ass as long as I didn’t hurt him too bad,” Justin laughed. He grabbed Alex and held him, being really clingy at the moment.   
Alex giggled softly, laying his head on Justin’s shoulder “probably” he mumbled softly, clinging to Justin “you're warm” he said, closing his eyes.  
“I love when you’re cuddly,” Justin smiled, holding him tighter.  
Alex smiled, nuzzling into him “m always cuddly when m highhhhh” he said, poking at Justin's cheek.  
“Wait, you’re high?” Justin looked at his eyes which were red. “Shit, you are high.”  
Alex giggled and nodded “yepppp” he said “m feel good too. All fuzzy and stuff, not the bad staticy feeling” he said, clinging to Justin “you're pretty ya know”  
Justin laughed, “you’re prettier.” The boy wasn't mad that Alex got high but he was a little annoyed, Alex got mad when he did it but then he goes and does it? Justin wanted to say something but he knew it should be saved for when they were both sober.  
Alex pouted and shook his head “nuh uh. Buttt m sorry jus” he mumbled, playing with Justin's fingers “i got mad at you for smokin again nd then i did it and m sorry. M jus didnt wanna call you and bother you and stuff” alex said, looking up at Justin.  
“You never bother me,” Justin said. “I have a question though, why did it take you so long to tell me about the bruise on your cheek?”  
Alex nodded a little, looking down “didn't wanna make you mad” he said softly “knew you would be mad nd upset if i told you” he said softly.  
“I was madder that you kept it from me, I hate it when you keep it from me. Monty also said that you might’ve been afraid to tell me, why would he say that?” Justin asked.  
“Cause it wasn't him that did it.” Alex said softly “you did when you were drunk. We were both mad and you said something about me not eating properly because i said you were acting like a child and then i got mad and called you an asshole and then you told me to watch my mouth and i was being dumb and said it again and then you hit me.” Alex said, biting his lip and hoping Justin wouldn't get mad and leave him there alone, he didn't know if he could be alone at the moment.  
“What? No, I, no…” justin had tears in his eyes as he got up and walked across the room, needing to away from Alex so he didn’t hurt him more. He sat on the floor on the other side of the room, his back to Alex.  
Alex frowned and bit his lip, slowly walking over and sitting in front of him “Jus it's okay” Alex said softly, taking Justin's hand “i antagonized you. I shouldn't have done that, i know how you act when you're drunk like that and i shouldn't have said any of that. Please” alex said softly, playing with his fingers.  
“No, I-I can’t believe I did that. Fuck, after that happening to me since I was fucking six, I can’t believe I did that. I Can’t be next to you right now, I don’t trust myself not to do it again,” Justin cried. He did it and he couldn’t believe he did it. In his eyes he was just as bad as his mother and her boyfriends.  
Alex frowned and shook his head “it's okay jus. You weren't thinking straight. You made a mistake. It's okay” he said softly, lifting Justin's head up “please don't cry” alex said “i know you won't do it again. I trust you.”  
“But I don’t trust myself. I grew up going through that, now I’m turning into them.”  
“It was one time, Jus. You aren't turning into them. I know you won't do it again.” Alex said softly “i love you okay? So so much. Please don't beat yourself up over this.”   
“How can I not? I fucking hit you Alex, don’t you see how bad this is?”  
“Because i know you didn't mean it. I know you Justin. I know if you had been thinking straight you wouldn't have done it.” Alex said, looking at Justin “i know you wouldn't intentionally do that. You aren't like that. Please, can we just cuddle or something?”   
Justin was hesitant but he eventually agreed. They went back onto the couch and Justin held Alex like he was his lifeline, like it could possibly be the last time he ever got to.  
Alex cuddled into Justin’s neck, yawning softly “i love you jus” he mumbled “so so much.” He said, clinging to Justin, he was still a bit high and, therefore, still really cuddly.   
Justin was still crying slightly, his head buried in Alex's shoulder so his voice was muffled, “I love you too, more than you will ever know…”  
Alex played with Justin's hair softly, closing his eyes “please don't cry jus” he said softly “it's okay. I promise. It's okay”  
“How the hell did we end up like this?” Justin asked, laughing humorlessly, he shook his head. “Alex, I can't promise that things won't be broken, but I swear that I will never leave. Please stay forever with me?”  
Alex nodded slowly “i'll always stay with you Jus.” He said softly “your forever is all that i need.”   
The two boys smiled, laying together on their couch, holding each other. They were too blindsided by love to see any problems they could've had but that was alright because for a moment they were happy.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a cute fluffy filler chapter

It was a few days later, the boys were cuddling on the couch watching Impractical Jokers. They were mostly quiet until they started laughing. Then Justin got the idea; the show was already funny but imagine how funny it would be if they were high? He'd bring that up to Alex the next commercial break. When the break finally came, Justin turned to Alex, “hey babe, what do you think about getting high and watching this?“

Alex raised an eyebrow “hmm sounds funnn we shouldddd” he giggled “why not”

“I'll go get the stuff,” Justin said, getting up and getting his pipe, bag of weed, and his vape pen, bringing it all out into the living room, setting it all on the coffee table. 

Alex hums a little, sitting up on the edge of the couch. “I honestly kinda feel bad? Like i got so upset that you did it but like now i am?” 

Justin shrugged, “oh well,” he packed the pipe and set it back on the table, taking a hit of the pen first. The pen itself was too weak but the flower in the pipe was too strong by itself so he would always use both to get him where he wanted to be. “Which one do you want first?” He asked Alex. 

“The pipe first” Alex said, he still felt bad, he’d gotten so mad at Justin but now here he was doing the same thing, he felt hypocritical.

Justin handed him the pipe, he himself taking another hit off the pen before they switched. 

Alex hummed quietly, taking a hit off of it, laying back and putting his head in Justin's lap. 

Justin smiled at him, leaning down to kiss him before taking another hit. 

Alex giggles, taking another hit off the pipe. “We should try that shotgunning thingggg” 

“Okay,” Justin took a hit, holding it for a moment before leaning down and kissing Alex, blowing the smoke into his mouth as well did so. 

Alex parted his lips slightly, wrapping his arms around Justin's neck. He pulled back after a second, letting the smoke out past his lips.

Justin smiled, kissing him again before repeating his actions with the pipe. 

Alex giggles softly, taking a hit off the pen, “remember when we used to so this a lot in high school?” He hummed softly. 

“Yeah, those were good and bad times but I got you out of it. I honestly think we can blame weed for our relationship,” Justin laughed. 

Alex giggles and nods “honestly like, it's pretty much how we got together. Right after that one night.” He said softly “i honestly remember it like it was yesterday.”

“I was drunk and high literally 24/7 back then so I only remember bits and pieces, you should tell me the story,” Justin said, he did remember it but he loved the way Alex explained everything and how he told it.

“It was so like tense like. I called you because i just felt so bad and almost did something really bad. And at this point we were basically together, much closer than just friends, but you didn't really wanna admit it at the time. But you just came over and climbed up through my window. We cuddled and literally got high, i'm surprises my dad didn't know honestly like how?? But then you started being all fuckin sappy and cheesy and kissed me” alex said, smiling “it was so nice honestly”

“Yeah. You know you are the first time I've seen love, the first I've ever experienced. But honestly it's the last I'll ever need and my future is nothing if I don't have you, I wouldn't throw this away for anything. We may be young but we know that this is love. Thank you for giving me another chance every time I screwed up. I love you so much, you are my world; my everything.”

Alex blushes and sits up, moving into Justin's lap. “You're so cheesy jusss” he says “but fuck i love you. You're honestly the only person i want to spend the rest of my life with. I really can't see myself without you. Well, alive anyway. You mean too much to me”

 

“Me too, I honestly think we saved each other. Without you'd, I'd be dead, Wyeth l whether I did it myself or one of my mom's boyfriends did it, it was bound to happen and you got me out of there and now look at us. We're adults living together in our own apartment, away from that town and most of the people in it.”

“I know damn well that you saved me” alex says “like literally. If you hadn't called me that night i'd be dead. But now we're here, yeah we both may be a little fucked up and not ready to tell each other some things but we have each other. And that will  _ never _ change. no matter what.” 

“Exactly, I wouldn't trade you for $1,000,000; I might trade you for penguin though,” Justin joked. 

“You wouldnttttt” alex pouts slightly “im cuter and more cuddly than a penguinnnn” 

“But have you seen a penguin? The tiny blue ones, you may be cuddlier and cuter but you have to admit you want one of those, they're so little and cute!”

Alex giggles “okay okay fineeee they are cute. But we literally couldn't have one, it's not cold enough hereeee”

“I will invest in a lot of freezers,” Justin smiled. 

“It will literally make our apartment like antarctica. And wed have to get a lot of raw fish and that would probably smell bad”

“I would do it just to have a penguin…. We could get multiple and open a penguin zoo!!!” Justin exclaimed very loudly, now bouncing up and down excitedly. 

Alex giggles “Where would we open it thoughhhhh” 

“We'd get a house and do it there, duh,” Justin said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Alex giggles and nods, nuzzling into his neck “we could do that one day” he said “maybe we could adopt a kid or two too?”

“Of course but we have to get married first. I want to get married before I do everything else.”

Alex smiles and nods “of course Jus” he said “i can't wait until we finally get to” 

“Me either, just need some more money and maybe we could do it,” Justin looked off into space picturing their wedding in his head. He didn't know who would take who's last name but honestly he didn't care that much though he would prefer to take Alex's try get rid of the name he had, the one he wanted nothing to do with. 

Alex smiles and looks up at him, “do you wanna have like a big proper church wedding or just a small one?” He says. 

“Small one, only a few people there like your family and….” Justin trailed off, he didn't know who else would be at their wedding besides Alex's family.

“Maybe monty and jeff and zach?” Alex said, looking up at Justin “other than that i'm not really sure”

“Yeah, maybe. If I could have anyone there I'd wish that my mom would get cleaned up and show up and that she would act like she cares. I wish I knew the rest of my family but my mom never let me have communication with them. I know I have aunts, uncles, and cousins but I've never met them and I don't even know their names,” Justin said sadly a bit of hope laced his voice. 

Alex frowns a little “maybe we could get in contact with them somehow? See if they could come?” Alex says softly. 

He shrugged, “I doubt they even know I exist.”

“I'm sure theyd at least know that jus. Maybe they don't know you but i'm sure we could figure something out” he says, playing with Justin's hair

“I want to but I don't know how to or if they want to hear from me or if they even know of my existence. Maybe if I got on contact with them off find out why my dad left and why my mom hates me,” he said, leaning into Alex's hand, him loving his hair being played with. 

“We’ll just have to try Jus.” Alex says softly “it won't hurt to try.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. When do you want to get married?” Justin asked him before taking another hit off the pen.

Alex hummed softly, taking a hit off the pipe “I don't think we’ll be able to anytime soon,” he said, “maybe in a few years?” 

Justin nodded, “yeah it won’t be for a while, we definitely have to save up money first; from what I’ve heard weddings can be expensive.”

“I think they are. I mean from watching bridezillas and shit they get really expensive” Alex said, giggling a little.

“True… please tell me you aren’t going to be that way,” Justin begged.

“No i wontttt” alex says, poking Justin's cheek “i may be dramatic but i'm not that dramatic.”

“Really? You’re not that dramatic,” Justin said with an eyebrow raised. “Have you forgotten about when the grocery store ran out of nutella and chocolate bars and you made a scene and got us _ kicked out _ of the store?” 

Alex blushed brightly “i wanted nutella and chocolate! They should've had it” alex pouted “i'm not dramaticcc”

“You screamed and fell to your knees, yelling about how cruel the world is and you wouldn’t stop until the manager came over and asked us to leave. Even then I had to drag you out of the store because you still wouldn’t stop.”

“Pfttttt i don't remember that part.” Alex said, blushing darker “that nEvEr happened.”

“They have your picture up in the store. You are not allowed back in. Did you forget the reason why I’m the one who has to do all the shopping?”

“At least i looked cute in the picture” alex shrugged “okay fine maybe i'm a littleeee dramatic. You love it though.”

“You do look cute in the picture, I have to see it everytime I go into the store. All the workers stare at me like they think I stuffed you into a bag and brought you in with me though,” Justin kissed him, “you’re lucky you’re cute and I love you, because I hate that store.”

Alex giggles and kisses back “i love you toooo. And we could always go to another storeee.” He said “plus how would you stuff me into a bag and sneak me in. I wouldn't fit!”

“I could make you fit, and remember, I got kicked out of the other grocery store? I screamed at people because they made me mad… We can’t ever go grocery shopping in this town together until they stop the ban on us.. In about a month.”

“I'm still pretty sure people here just have something against us! Like they didn't need to ban usssss” alex said “we could've been all domestic and went shopping together”

“We could’ve if you didn’t freak out and scream in a store for like 10 minutes straight and if I didn’t threaten to run over people with my cart… Maybe it is our fault.”

“Maybeeeee but still ! People have done worse things and they still get to goooo.”

“It was only a three month ban from each, other people have gotten worse.” 

“Stillll” alex said “i like going shopping with you cause i don't like sitting here all lonely.”

“Same, and I hate shopping by myself, I always forget things.”

“You always text me asking me what we neeeed” alex giggles “it's cutee”

“It’s embarrassing, I always forget what we need and then I still forget to grab it after you tell me what we need,” he pouted.

“Awwww jusssss” alex said, poking his lip “it's okayyyy”

Justin tried to bit his finger as it poked his lip.

Alex giggles a little “heyyyyy what was that forrr”

“You touch my lip, I bite,” Justin said, his voice muffled by Alex’s finger still in his mouth, “it’s the rules.”

Alex pouts and pulls his finger back “you just wanted an excuse to bite me.”

“I plead the fifth.”

“I don't know what that means” alex says 

“I choose to remain silent in order to not incriminate myself.”

“I still don't get it but oKaY”

“Well I have to learn some law stuff and you don’t, so makes sense,” Justin smiled.

“True” alex says, laying on his shoulder, “m hungry” he mumbles softly.

“What do you want? I can make you something.”

Alex shrugs a little “i dunno” he says softly “surprise me?”

He nodded and went into the kitchen, after a lot of crashes and pots banging he finally came out, “we actually had stuff to make spaghetti so that’s what I did.”

Alex giggles and nods, standing up “is that why everything was banging?” 

“I dropped pans and then it got stuck and I had difficulties but I DID IT!” Justin said victoriously.

Alex giggles and walks over to him, wrapping his arms around his neck “good for you jusss”

Justin picked him up and ran into the kitchen, carrying him the whole time. He set Alex down at the table, “now eat.”

“Gosh you sure seem excited” alex giggles softly, “you sit down and eat too dork.”

Justin laughed and sat down across the small table from Alex, starting to eat. 

Alex hummed and picked up the fork, biting his lip and hesitating slightly before taking a small bite.

Justin smiled at the fact that Alex was eating. He didn’t put that much on Alex’s plate but he put as much as he knew Alex could eat, he cared more about the boy than he did himself and even though Alex said it was fine, Justin was going to find a way to make it up to him for hitting him, he was going to find a way to pay him back.

Alex hummed a bit, taking another small bite and glancing up at Justin. “Whatcha thinking about jus?” He asked.

“You,” he replied with a smile. 

Alex blushes a little “be more specific?”

“Just you in general, how much I love you and want to be with you forever. How adorable you are and just everything about you.”

Alex blushes and looks down “you're so cheesy sometimes gosh”

“Only for youuu!”

Alex giggles, smiling a bit “i knowwwww” he says, taking another bite.

Justin smiled, taking another bite before his phone went off, alerting him he had a text. He Looked back up at Alex, “Monty and Jeff want to know if we want to go out with them tomorrow night.” 

“Hmmm yeah. Sure we can” he said, humming a bit

Justin nodded, texting back and putting his phone away, continuing eating.

Alex ate a few more bites before pushing the plate away, “m full” 

Justin nodded, not wanting to push him and took the plate away.

Alex hummed softly to himself, playing with his sweater sleeves.

Justin walked back  over and huigged him, kissing his cheek.

Alex smiles a bit and hugs back, clinging to him “can we go back nd cuddle?”

“Yesss, do you wanna watch a movie??”

Alex nodded “please?” He says softly, looking up at Justin.

“What movie?”

“Uhhhh everything everything?”

He nods, putting it in and then going back to the couch

Alex smiles and sits next to him, nuzzling into his neck.

The movie played as they cuddled, Justin kissing Alex every once in awhile.

Alex smiles a little, closing his eyes and yawning a little “m sleepy”

“Let’s go to bed then, we actually have to do something tomorrow,” Justin said, getting up and offering his hand to Alex.

“Carry meeee” alex pouts slightly “pleasee?”

Justin nodded and picked up Alex but the boy himself being very much under the influence of recreational drugs had difficulties and tripped over his feet, almost dropping Alex.

Alex squealed slightly, clinging tightly to Justin “m i too heavy” alex asks softly, looking up at him.

“Not at all, you are very light, I’m just high and I tripped,” Justin said. “See look,” he said, lifting Alex up and down as if he were a weight. 

Alex giggles softly, holding onto him “that's funnnnnnn”

Justin continued doing it and purposely threw Alex into the air, catching him as he came down.

Alex gasps softly, clinging to him once he came back down “holy fuck that was scary” he mumbled.

Justin laughed, “what, you don’t have faith in me to catch you?”

“I dooooo” alex says “jus felt weird and scary. Of course i trust you Jus.”

“I would never drop you, if I started to fall or something, I would turn myself midair so you would land on me instead of the ground.”

Alex blushes a bit “gosh you're so protective sometimes Jus. ‘S cuteeee” he giggles “i love you”

“I love you too!” He kissed Alex. 

Alex smiles and kisses back, keeping his arms around his neck “now let's go get in bed and cuddleeee”

He nodded and ran them to their bedroom, throwing Alex onto the bed, jumping onto the bed with him. 

Alex giggles and bounces slightly, nuzzling into Justin’s neck once he gets in bed too

Justin smiled, kissing Alex's head before wrapping his arms around him. 

Alex smile, humming quietly “night jus.” He says softly “i love youuu”

“Night Alex, I love you too, so freaking much,” Justin said, whispering the last part. 

Alex smiles and kisses his cheek, closing his eyes and slowly falling asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

“We are going to be late,” Justin said, him and Alex getting dressed as they were going out with Jeff and Monty for the night.  
“We can be fashionably late” Alex says, pulling his shoes on “it's not that lateeee”   
“Yeah true but Monty always gets mad when I'm late and you know what he's like when he gets mad.”  
“Jus it'll be okay, dont worry. We still got half an hour okay?”   
“Yeah, you know what? We should be late just to piss him off,” Justin said, starting to get dressed slower, he always liked to piss off Monty, knowing he wouldn't touch him but he never did when Alex was around, not wanting him to get hurt. He figured that this time however, of Monty tried anything with Alex him and Jeff were there to stop him.   
Alex giggles softly “let's do it. It'll be funnyyyy”  
“Yesss,” they proceeded to get dressed as slowly as they could.   
“What time is ittt” Alex asks after a bit  
“almost 6, the same time we were supposed to be there.”  
“Should we start going nowwwww?”  
“Yeah I think so,” Justin said, getting up.   
Alex hums and stands up, putting his phone in his pocket “let's gooo”  
Justin grabbed Alex's hand as they walked down the hallway.   
Alex hums softly and follows behind him  
They got to the entrance and walked out, getting on a bus, going to where they were supposed to meet the other boys.   
“I wonder how mad he's gonna be” Alex hums softly, leaning in Justin's shoulder.   
“Nothing Jeff and I can't handle.”  
“Hopefully” Alex hums softly “hopefully we won't get kicked out”  
“Calming him down is probably something his boyfriend can handle and if you do, just remember we don't know them.”  
Alex giggles and nods “okayyyy”  
Justin kissed Alex’s cheek, getting up as the bus pulled into the stop they needed to get off at. Justin kept his arm around Alex as they walked off the bus.  
Alex smiles and follows him, humming softly.  
They got off the bus and walked to the building they were supposed to meet at, seeing the two other boys outside waiting for them.  
Alex giggles softly “helloooooo”  
Justin knew they weren’t that late, it was about 6:10, so it was only 10 minutes.  
“Only 10 minutes late, that’s a new record for you Justin, you’re usually way later,” Monty said.  
“Alex keeps me mostly on time now,” Justin said, looking at Alex.  
Alex smiles and nods “well mostly”  
“I feel like you two were just barely a little late on purpose” Jeff said, laughing.  
“Maayybeee,” Justin said, stretching out the word.  
“Of course you were,” Monty said.  
“You wereeeee” Jeff said   
“Oops?” Alex said, giggling a bit.  
Justin laughed a bit and Monty shook his head.   
“Should we go inside now?” Justin asked.  
“Yesssss i'm starvinggg” Jeff said, pouting   
“Sureee let's goo” Alex says, humming softly.  
Monty kissed Jeff and grabbed his hand as they walked in together, Justin did the same only wrapped his arm around Alex instead of grabbing his hand. They walked in and were seated, Jeff and Monty by each other and Alex and Justin sitting across from them.  
Jeff smiles, holding Monty's hand under the table, kissing his cheek  
Alex giggles softly, humming and leaning his head on Justin's shoulder.  
Monty looked right at Justin before kissing Jeff. Justin, noticing what he was doing, glared at him and pulled Alex closer, kissing him as well.   
Jeff chuckles softly and kisses him back, smiling softly  
Alex giggles and blushes, wrapping his arms around Justin's neck and kisses back.  
Monty moved over, now almost sitting in Jeff’s lap as Justin pulled Alex into his, the two of them glaring at each other before doing so.  
Jeff laughs softly “someone's trying to prove we're cuter huh?” He whispers.  
Alex giggles a little, smiling a bit.  
“Always,” Monty whispered back.  
“I love you,” Justin said before kissing Alex’s cheek.  
“You're such a dork” Jeff laughs.  
Alex smiles “i love you tooo.”  
Monty shrugged and put his head on Jeff’s shoulder.  
Justin smiled and put his arm around Alex again, holding him tightly  
Jeff smiles, waiting for the waitress to come  
“Hey” Alex says softly, poking justin's shoulder.  
“What?” Justin responded.  
“I don't gotta eat a lot do i?” He says softly, hoping the other two don't hear.  
“Only eat as much as you can, if they say something, I will cover for you,” Justin said.  
The waitress finally came over, “I’m sorry for the wait, what would you like to drink?” she asked. The boys gave her their drink orders and she left, going to get the drinks.  
Alex smiles a bit and nods, “thank you” he says softly.  
“You’re welcome baby,” Justin said.  
The waitress came back after that with their drinks, now taking their food order. She walked away then, leaving the boys to what they were doing before.  
Alex hums softly, taking a small drink from his water, humming softly   
“Sooooo” Jeff says “how have you two been?”  
“Yeah, how have you been,” Monty said, giving Alex a knowing look.  
Justin looked at Alex confused, “we’ve been good.”  
Alex nods “yep! Just fine” he says quickly  
Jeff gave Monty a confused look, nudging him “what was that about?” He say so only momtu can hear.  
Monty shook his head, “I’ll tell you later.”  
Justin shook it off, putting his head on top of Alex’s as he held him tighter.  
“No tell me now. They aren't paying any attention anyways.” Jeff says quietly.  
Monty looked over at the other two who were too busy being cute with each other to pay attention to anything. Monty sighed, “Alex came to me a few days ago asking me to cover for him and act like I hit him because he didn’t want Justin to know who actually did it.”   
Jeff raises an eyebrow “then who did it? I’m sure he probably told you that.” He says.  
“Umm, he said that Justin did it when he was really drunk,” Monty said quietly, not knowing how Jeff would react or if Justin knew yet.  
“Are you serious?” Jeff says, glancing at him “jesus fuck. Do you know if he's told him the truth yet?”  
“I don’t know..” Monty said.  
“Later ask him if he's told him yet okay?” Jeff says quietly “before i say anything to Justin about it.”  
Monty nodded, “I know Justin though, if he found out,he’s not going to react lightly to it and he’s probably gonna try and distance himself from Alex and I don’t think that would be good for Alex. If he hasn’t told him yet, he needs to be the one to tell him.”  
Jeff nods “he needs too.” He says “if he hasn't Justin will find out eventually and it won't be good”   
“I agree, he should’ve told him originally instead of saying it was me; I know I’m an asshole but I don’t want to be the one everyone automatically thinks of when violence is involved.”  
“Knowing Alex he was probably scared. He doesn't want Justin to distance himself from him. I can tell that really isn't want either of them need right now.”  
“Yeah, I don’t think that would be good for either of them.”  
“I can tell by the way Alex reacted a bit ago that something is going on.”  
“Yeah, we will get to the bottom of it tonight, one way or another.”  
“Hopefully” he says, as the waitress comes back with their food.  
She put the plates down in front of each boy before walking away. Justin kept one of his hands on Alex’s back the entire time, knowing the boy probably felt uncomfortable.  
Monty started eating his food, confused as to why it seemed as though Alex was very uneasy.  
Alex bit his lip, taking a small bite, wrinkling his nose a little.  
“Is everything alright?” Jeff asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Yeah,” Justin said, “his stomach thing was acting up earlier.” Justin said he’d cover for him and that he would do.  
Monty wasn’t convinced by the fact that Justin answered for him.   
“Yeah” Alex says “that’s all it is. No big deal” he says, biting his lip  
“I don't believe that. But alright” Jeff said, starting to eat.  
“Well fuck,” Justin said under his breath.  
Monty kept an eye on the two the entire time.  
Alex tensed slightly, eating a bit more, starting to feel sick  
“He looks likes he's gonna be sick Justin. Are you sure he’s alright?”  
“I think,” he turned to Alex, “baby, don't eat if it's just gonna make you sick.”  
“M don't wanna disappoint you Jus.” He says softly “m gotta eat more”  
“Disappoint you?” Jeff said, raising an eyebrow “that's obviously nothing to do with his stomach thing. Whats going on guys.” He says, visibly concerned.  
“I-um,” Justin stuttered, looking at Alex, he wasn’t sure what to do. With Jeff questioning and Monty’s stare, Justin was starting to panic slightly, he knew Alex didn’t want them to know and they knew something was wrong.   
Alex bit his lip, thinking for a second “you can tell them” he says softly, squeezing Justin’s hand “it's okay.”  
“Are you sure, this is you, it has nothing to do with me.”  
“I'm sure” Alex says softly “they won't leave it alone until they know so just tell them.”  
“He has issues eating,” Justin started, not exactly sure how to say it. “I think it’s anorexia, I’m helping him with eating but it’s a slow process and I don’t want him to be sick.”   
Alex bites his lip, shaking his leg slightly.  
Jeff frowned slightly “i kinda figured that..my older sister use to have that when i was younger. She had to go to the hospital a few times”  
Justin nodded and held Alex tighter, not wanting to let the boy go. Monty was still quiet.  
Alex bites his lip, leaning into Justin and taking a deep breath “i gotta go to the bathroom” he mumbles  
“Babe are you okay?” Jeff asks, turning to Monty  
Justin wasn’t sure if he should follow Alex or not so he just sat there looking like an idiot.  
“I’m fine,” Monty said as he turned to Jeff.  
Alex tugs on Justin's arm “come with me” he mumbles “m scared”  
“Bullshit. You're never quiet. whats up?”  
Justin gladly got up and went with him, as usual, an arm wrapped around him as they walked.  
“Nothing baby, I’m fine.”  
Alex hums softly, leaning into Justin's side.  
“You're lying. I know you. Now what's wrong”   
Justin held him protectively, glaring at anyone who looked their way.  
“I don’t know, nothing? Everything? It’s just with Alex and it’s making me think.”  
Alex smiles a little, leaning up and kissing his cheek “youre adorable.”  
“Think about what love? Talk to me.”   
“And manly, you forgot that part.”  
“How much of an asshole I’ve always been to him. Like it’s to the point where if it’s violence towards him, I’m the first person he thinks of.”  
Alex giggles and nods “yes that tooooo”  
“Babe” Jeff says softly “it's okay. Yeah maybe you were an asshole to him back in high school. But you can't keep blaming yourself for that. A lot of shit happened back then. It's not all your fault”  
Justin laughed as they walked into the bathroom.  
“Yeah a lot of shit happened, I almost lost you. It’s just, I can’t help feeling like I contributed to this.”  
Alex smiles and pecks him on the lips, going into the stall.  
“Babe. I'm going to be honest with you okay? He only picked a fight with you that day because he knew that if Porter hadn't stepped it you could have very well killed him. Or at least landed him in the hospital. He felt he deserved that. You are not to blame for that. Okay?”  
Justin stayed out, making weird faces at himself in the mirror.  
“Yeah but just because that was the only time it got physical doesn’t mean anything compared to all the times I was just an asshole to him. I know I shouldn’t have been but I was. Did you know that he was the only person that asked me how I was when you were in the hospital that year?”  
Alex finishes and comes out, giggling at Justin “what are you doing?”  
“Babe still. You didn't know what was going on with him. You had no way of knowing. And really? Not even Clay asked?”  
Justin turned around quickly, “nothing!” he said, his voice went into a higher pitch due to his embarrassment in being caught doing that.  
He laughed, “are you kidding? Clay wouldn’t go anywhere near me and plus no one actually knew we were together then, they just thought we were friends but it seemed like Alex was the only one that cared that I was upset.”  
“Its cuteeee” he giggles, washing his hands  
“Maybe he just wanted to make sure you were okay and stuff. Because that did happen around the same time everything was happening.”   
“I’m not cute, I’m manly,” Justin said, puffing out his chest.  
Monty shrugged, laying his head on Jeff, “I still shouldn’t have been an asshole.”  
“You can be cute and manly” he giggles  
“You made a mistake. It's okay” he says, wrapping his arm around him “everyone makes mistakes at some point”  
“But you’re the cute one.”  
“I love you,” he said, leaning up to kiss his boyfriend.  
“You can be cute toooo” he giggles  
Jeff smiles and kisses back “i love you too baby.”   
“Just know that no matter how ‘cute’ you think I may be, you’re at least three times cuter.”  
Monty smiled, leaning into his chest, wrapping Jeff’s arms around himself, waiting for the other two to come back.  
“Pftttt if you say so. Now let's go backkk”  
Jeff smiles softly, holding him close.  
The boys walked out to find the other two cuddled up together on the seat. “Alex, look,” Justin said pointing them out to him, “Monty’s being cute.”  
In response, he just flipped the boy off, before cuddling into Jeff more.  
Alex giggles and sits down “awhhh”  
Jeff chuckles softly, kissing his head.  
Justin continued to mock them.  
“Shut up, I do not want to get up and punch you right now,” Monty said with no actual threat in his voice, his eyes closed.  
Alex hums softly, leaning his head against Justin’s shoulder  
“You're adorable.” Jeff says softly.  
Justin smiled and leaned down to kiss Alex’s head.  
“Call me that again and I will punch you,” Monty said, still not opening his eyes.   
Alex blushes, peeking up at Justin   
“No you wont” Jeff laughs  
Justin smiled and booped his nose.  
“True, I love you too much to hurt you.”  
Alex giggles softly “did you just boop my nose?”  
“I love you too princess”  
“Yes I did and holy shit did you hear what he just called him!” Justin said, slightly freaking out.  
“Fuck all of you,” Monty said, sticking up his middle finger once more.  
“Awhhhhh that's cuteeee!” Alex giggles  
“Maybe later princess” Jeff smirks.  
Justin laughed rather loudly as Monty opened his eyes, his face turning red. “You can’t mention things like that in front of people other than me!”  
Due to the fact that they were being loud and a mother with three young children saw Monty flipping off the other boys, the waitress came over. “We have gotten many complaints about the four of you and I’m afraid that I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”  
“Oh oops?” Alex giggles  
“Oh my god we're actually getting kicked out”  
“Goddammit, now I’ve been kicked out of two places in this town,” Justin said as they started to leave.  
“Sorry not sorry motherfuckers!” Monty yelled as they walked out.  
“Me toooo” Alex pouts  
“Oh my god Monty you can't do that!”  
“At least we aren’t kicked out of here permanently… I think,” Justin said before kissing a pouting Alex, “don’t pout, it makes you look cuter than you already do and I don’t think I can handle it.”  
“Well I just did, what are you gonna do about it?” Monty said, staring at Jeff.  
Alex giggles and kisses back, smiling.  
“You'll find out later princess.” Jeff says.  
Justin wrapped his arms around Alex and lifted him up slightly, swinging him around.  
“Oh what, are you gonna punish me?” Monty said, looking him dead in the eye.  
Alex giggles, squealing and wrapping his arms around Justin's neck  
“Yep” he says, looking right at him.  
Justin was laughing as well, continuing to swing the boy he loved.  
“Do you want me to call you ‘daddy’ as well?” Monty asked, an almost challenging tone to his voice.  
Alex giggles “staph itttt”  
“That sounds hot” Jeff smirks.  
“Neeeveeeerrrr!” Justin yelled as he didn’t stop.  
“Okay, daddy,” Monty said, winking at Jeff.  
“Pleaseeee m dizzyyyy”  
Jeff smirks “alright princess.”   
“Okay baby, I’ll stop,” Justin said, putting him back onto the ground but keeping his hands on him since he was dizzy, he didn’t want him to fall.  
“Why do you always start things like this in public where you can’t finish them?” Monty asked his boyfriend angrily.  
Alex smiles and holds onto Justin's shoulders, blinking a bit.  
“Because i enjoy teasing you. Anyway! We should go to a bar or something” Jeff says.  
“I love you,” Justin said, his eyes full of love and admiration.  
“I hate you,” Monty said, pouting.  
“I love you toooo” Alex says, blushing  
“You love meeeee” Jeff says “and I love you”  
Justin smiled, “we should go to the bar,” he said pulling Alex along with him, “the other two will figure it out when they stop whatever they're doing.”  
“Maybe. Maybe I’d love you more if you’d stop TEASING ME!” Monty yelled the last part, making Jeff laugh.  
Alex giggles and nods, following behind him  
“You love itttt now cmonnnn” Jeff laughs  
Justin pulled him into the bar.  
“I will never admit it… They left us.”  
Alex smiles and follows, humming softly  
“Then hurry uppp”  
They sat in a booth waiting for the others.  
“Don’t leave me behind!” Monty yelled, running to catch up to his boyfriend who took off without him.  
Jeff laughs “walk fasterrrrr”  
“I’m runninnggggg,” he yelled as he finally caught up. They walked into the bar, almost instantly finding Justin and Alex, going to sit next to them in the booth.  
“What took you guys so long?” Justin asked, “you weren’t fucking in the alley were you?”  
“Oh my god” Alex says “were you?”  
“You'd like to know wouldn't you?” Jeff says.  
“No, we didn’t. What he means is that we didn’t,” Monty said, his face red from blushing.  
“He’s lying, isn’t he,” Justin said to Jeff.  
Jeff laughs “no he's not. We didn't fuck in the alley”  
“See, I told you!” Monty exclaimed.  
Justin turned to Alex, “aren’t you glad that we aren’t like them and there is never any suspicion about us fucking in an alley?”  
Alex giggles “yeah cause we're secretly kinky”  
“I knew it!” Jeff laughed   
“At least we’re not public about it, ‘daddy’” Justin said.  
Monty blushed, “only I can call him that,” he wrapped his arms around one of Jeff’s, clinging to him.  
Jeff laughs softly, holding the boy close “he's right. Only he can call me that”  
“Justin’s still daddy too though so” Alex says, humming softly  
“And only he can call me that,” Justin said, wrapping an arm around Alex once more.  
Monty smiled as he leaned against Jeff. He kissed the boy on the cheek, “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna get drinks for all of us.”  
Alex giggles and nods “okayyy”  
“Okay love. Be careful” Jeff says  
“Aren’t I always,” Monty asked as he got up and started walking to the bar.  
“He either trusts the strange men in this bar way too much or he just has a lot of faith in you,” Justin said, knowing full well the capabilities of the men in bars.  
Alex frowns a little, scooting closer to Justin  
“He’ll honestly start a conversation with anyone, bit if they try anything he'll kick their ass” Jeff says.  
Justin held Alex tighter, knowing the boy was most likely scared, he himself was scared but he knew if any guy tried anything Jeff and Monty had his back so that made him relax a bit. “Yeah, but he isn’t exactly the biggest guy, I actually think he may be the shortest guy in here, he’s smaller than Alex. He honestly should be a little more careful.”  
They heard a crash and someone yell, Monty came back over with a tray of shots, looking at them as if he didn’t do anything.  
“He really should honestly. And oh god what did you do now Monty?” Jeff says  
Alex leans into Justin, taking a deep breath.  
Monty shrugged, “he grabbed my butt, I hit him in the head with an empty bottle which happened to smash when it came in contact with his head.”  
Justin shook his head, looking down at Alex, “you okay baby?”  
“Of course you did” Jeff laughed  
Alex nods “mhmmm m okay Jus” he says “just a bit jumpy i guess?”  
“I understand baby, I’ll protect you though,” Justin said, kissing his forehead.  
“He grabbed my ass, there’s only one person allowed to do that, you. He was not you so I needed to make him stop,” Monty said like it was no problem and he did it everyday.  
“I love you jus” Alex says softly  
“You can't just hit people with bottles though babe, they could kick us out for that”  
“I love you too baby,” Justin smiled.  
Monty shook his head, “the owner saw what happened and he gave me the drinks for free.”  
“I love you moreeeee” Alex pouts  
Jeff chuckles softly “that's nice of them then.”   
“Impossible,” Justin smiled.  
“Yeah, I’m not gonna get us kicked out of here tonight.”  
Alex pouts “but jussss”  
“Good” Jeff laughs “anyway what did you get?”  
“Nope, it is impossible for anyone to love anything more than I love you,” Justin said.   
“I think it's some kind of whiskey.”  
“Oh gosh. Don't let Alex get too much he's probably a lightweight” Jeff laughed, taking a shot  
“I am not!” Alex pouts “jussss am i a lightweight?”  
“I wouldn't say you're a lightweight but you can't hold your liquor as well as we can. I think you'll be fine though…. Okay yeah you're a lightweight.”  
Monty laughed, “it'll take him three shots and he'll be where we are with six.”  
Alex pouts “i am not!” He pouts, taking on of the shots  
“I think you definitely are. Especially with hard liquor”  
Justin nodded, “you can handle everything except for hard liquor, that you can't handle very well,” Justin said, taking one as well.   
Monty took his shot, looking around afterwards, “dammit I forgot to get chaser.”  
“Oh yeah, I forgot you were a wimp who can't do shots without chaser,” Justin laughed.   
“Whats chaser?” Alex asks, taking the shot quickly, wrinkling his nose  
“How do you not know what a chaser is?” Jeff asks  
“He doesn't do hard liquor much and I don't usually use chaser,” Justin answered.   
Monty left, coming back with more alcohol and a cup filled with soda. “I will be okay now.”  
“That doesn't answer my question” he pouts, already slightly tipsy  
“It's basically like something you drink like soda or something right after you take a shot so it doesn't knock you on your ass” Jeff laughs.   
“Don't mock me,” Monty said, being the only one to need it.   
“We mock you ask the time and you're not exactly the best with hard liquor either.”  
“I'm not a lightweight.”  
“You kind of are,” Justin laughed, receiving a middle finger again.   
“Maybeeee he is, but not as bad as Alex, he's literally halfway to being drunk from one shot.” Jeff laughed  
Alex pouts “i-i am nOt”   
“Leave my baby alone, it's not his fault,”Justin said, holding Alex.   
Monty took another shot, taking a drink of soda right after, glaring at the others, not wanting them to mock him for it. “I'm not a lightweight, fuck you all.”  
Alex giggles and kisses Justin’s cheek, taking another shot.  
“Awhhh babeeee” Jeff says.   
Justin took another shot, kissing Alex once he was finished, “I love you.”  
“Shut up and drink.”  
Alex giggles and kisses back “i love you toooooo”  
Jeff pouts and takes another shot “i love youuuu”   
Justin smiled and pulled him closer to him.   
“I love you too!” Monty said, taking another shot and chasing it before putting his head on Jeff's chest.   
Jeff smiles and holds him close, taking another shot  
Alex giggled , leaning into him and taking another “this is funnnn”  
Monty took his fourth shot and was now extremely clingy and giggly. He clung to Jeff and kept kissing him.   
“I agree, it's been way too long since we've gone out and done anything like this,” Justin said, kissing his shoulder.  
Jeff laughs softly, kissing him back, “you're cute when you're drunk.”  
Alex giggles and nods “mhmmmm.”  
Justin smiled at the boy who was definitely drunk at this point.  
“Shut up,” Monty said, taking another shot.  
Alex giggles and takes another shot.  
“You areeeee” Jeff says  
Justin did the same, knowing that Alex was going to be beyond drunk at the end of the night.  
“Noooooo,” Monty whined. Justin hoped that he would stop drinking because just like him, Monty turned into an even bigger asshole when he was really drunk.  
Alex giggles softly, playing with Justin's hair “fluffyyyyyy”  
“Yes you are babeeeee” Jeff says “though sometimes you are an ass”  
Justin started laughing at Alex, loving his drunk boyfriend.  
“I’m always an ass, what are you talking about?”  
“You have pretty eyes jussss” he giggles  
“You are more so when you're drunk.”  
“You’re eyes are prettier.”  
Monty just shrugged, drinking more.  
“Nuh uhhhh” Alex pouts  
Jeff laughs softly, smiling at him.  
“Yessssss” Justin said.  
Monty smiled, “does anyone want anything other than shots?”  
“No thank youuuu” Alex says, leaning on justin  
“What do you mean babee?”  
“I’m good, I don’t want to get too drunk, I have to watch this one,” Justin said, gesturing to Alex.  
“I mean that if you don’t want just straight shots of whiskey, tell me and I’ll get something else.”  
Alex giggles “my herooooo but is there vodka? That sounds good”  
Jeff laughs “no thanks babe”  
Justin laughed, not wanting to drink anymore but not caring if Alex did because the boy never did anything like this; he wanted him to have fun.  
“Yeah, I can get that,” he said, leaving to get it.  
“Thank youuuuu” he giggles  
“Has he ever been this drunk Justin?” Jeff laughs.  
“I don’t think so,” he said, looking at Alex.  
Monty came back, giving Alex the vodka, “are you sure that it isn’t just gonna go through you, that you’ll actually be able to handle it?”  
Alex pouts slightly “what do you meannnnnn” he says, taking it.  
“Well you’re tiny and you can’t even handle food, how are you gonna handle this much straight alcohol?”  
Alex frowns, shrugging a bit “dunno. That's not very nice though”  
“Monty..don't start anything.” Jeff says, looking at him.  
Monty held his hand up to silence Jeff, “it’s true. You’re drinking fucking straight liquor; hard liquor. You can’t fucking eat properly and you’re trying to drink this much.”  
“Monty shut the fuck up,” Justin said angrily.  
“Stay out of this Justin.”  
“How the fuck are my eating habits your business? It's not like you give a fuck Montgomery.”  
“Okay both of you calm down.” Jeff says “it's not a big deal.”  
“This is actually a big deal,” Justin started. “He has to right to talk about Alex that way and if you don’t shut your boyfriend up, I will and it won’t be pretty.”  
“So what, are you gonna hit me like you did your boyfriend?” Monty taunted.  
“Shut the fuck up!” Alex shouts, standing up and stumbling slightly “d-don't talk to him like that!”  
“Jesus fuck Monty sit down.” Jeff says “leave it alone.”  
“Alex, sit down, I can handle it. Monty shut the fuck up. None of this is any of your business, let’s settle this civilly,” Justin said, hoping it wouldn’t get violent.  
“What, are you trying to act like you’re better than us; like you’re not as bad as your parents? Because you are, you are just like them. You can try to act like you aren’t but you will never be anything other than just like them,” Monty spat.  
“Monty that's enough.” Jeff said “you're going too far.”  
“He's not like them!” Alex says, sitting down.  
“Monty, shut the fuck up. I am not them and I never will be.”  
“So is that why you hit your boyfriend, because you’re a good person? Well I have news for you; domestic abuse is not something good people do. If you were a good person you wouldn’t have hit him. How many times have you done it, there’s more right? Not just that once, you got yourself arrested too didn’t you?”  
Justin lost it and lunged at Monty and a fight ensued. All Justin wanted to do was protect Alex. Monty pushed him away and grabbed a shot glass, throwing it a Justin but due to his intoxication he missed, hitting Alex instead.  
Alex yelped quietly, ducking down under the table.  
“Monty!” Jeff shouts, pulling him back “i said stop. What the fuck was that for?”  
“Fuck off Jeff,” Monty growled, his focus going back to Justin.  
“Don’t fucking touch him!” Justin yelled, jumping on Monty, pushing him onto the table and repeatedly hitting him. Monty flipped them over, him ow on top of Justin, hitting him as well.  
Alex pulls his knees to his chest, biting his lip.  
Jeff grabs Monty and pulls him off of Justin, holding him back “Monty stop it. Calm the fuck down.”  
“Jeff let me go,” Monty said quiet enough for only Jeff to hear, his voice low. “I don’t want to fucking hurt you; just let me go.”  
Justin jumped down off of the table, running to Alex, “baby are you okay? I’m so sorry you got hit, I didn’t know it was gonna hit you. I would’ve made sure it hit me if I would’ve known it would hit you.”  
“Monty no.” Jeff said “i think you've had more than enough. We need to go before someone else gets hurt.”  
“I-i'm fine” Alex says softly, not lifting his head up “it's okay” he says.  
Monty still struggled against Jeff, trying to get out of his hold. Being drunk and angry, he didn’t care about how stupid any of this was, he only wanted to fight.  
“Alex, please, look at me, please,” Justin said desperately.  
“Monty no.” Jeff says “you could get hurt or hurt someone else for something so stupid. Calm down babe” he mumbles in his ear  
Alex bites his lip, slowly lifting his head.  
“Alex oh my god,” Justin put his fingers to the cut on Alex’s head, “baby does that hurt?”  
Monty kept struggling but soon started to get tired, his struggles becoming weak.  
Alex winces slightly “y-yeah” he mumbles softly  
“Cmon. We're going home.” Jeff mumbles.  
“Oh my god, I’ll kill him,” Justin growls, “no one hurts my baby.”  
Monty tried to protest but was getting tired and Jeff’s hold on him was not letting up.   
“C-can we just go home” Alex says softly “please?”  
Jeff sighs and drags him out of the bar.  
“Of course, let’s go,” Justin said, picking up Alex and carrying him out, glaring at Monty as he walked by the two.  
“Fuck you!” Monty called, flipping him off as the walked opposite ways.  
Alex clings onto him, closing his eyes.  
Jeff sighs and takes Monty home, planning to call and apologize later.  
Justin carried him, onto the bus, holding him close the entire time.  
Monty was stumbling and if it weren’t for Jeff still having a hold of him he would’ve fell.  
“M sleepy” Alex mumbles, cuddling into him more, getting blood on his shirt  
“You know we're going to talk about this when youre sober right?” Jeff says.  
“We’ll be home soon baby. I need to clean the cut then you can sleep, I promise,” Justin kissed his forehead.  
“Eh,” Monty shrugged, continuing to try and walked straight.   
Alex pouts slightly but nods, nuzzling into him more   
“Babe i'm serious.” Jeff says “you can't start a fight for no reason, you knew that would piss him off.”  
“Can we just sleep?” Monty asked him, getting really tired.  
Soon the bus got to the stop by their apartment building. Justin carried Alex out and into the building. Once they got into their apartment he set Alex onto the bathroom counter, cleaning him up. “Okay baby, now you can go to sleep,” Justin smiled.  
“Of course love. But we are talking about it tomorrow. Okay?” Jeff says  
Alex wraps his arms around Justin's neck, nuzzling into him “cuddle” he mumbles  
Monty nodded as they walked into their apartment.  
“Of course,” Justin said, “just let me do something first.” He put Alex in bed, walking out of the room. He came back with a glass of water and some tylenol, “for tomorrow morning love.”  
Jeff leads him to the bed “cmon. Lay down love i'll be right back.”  
Alex nods and tugs on his arm “cuddleeeeee” he pouts  
“Of course,” Justin said, taking off his pants and shirt, laying down next to him. He held out his arms for the other boy to get closer to him.  
Monty nodded, laying down in the bed with all of his clothes on, he was tired and didn’t care.  
Alex nuzzles into him, closing his eyes.   
Jeff leaves the room, getting his phone and calling Justin.  
Justin’s phone rang, “hang on baby, it’s Jeff, I gotta answer it.” He moved one of his arms, answering it, “hello?”  
Monty laid on their bed, cuddling Jeff’s pillow, waiting for him to come back.  
Alex whines softly, burying his head in Justin's chest.  
“Hey i just wanted to apologize for tonight. There were a lot of things that shouldn't have been said.”  
“Yeah, I just hope Alex doesn’t remember them when he’s sober; I don’t want to think about how that would affect him. I hope Monty remembers though. I hope he feels guilty for what he said,” Justin said, obviously still pissed at the other boy for what he had done.  
“Jeeeeefff come love meeeeee! Give me attentiooooooonnn!” Monty yelled through the apartment.  
“I'll be there in a sec love!” Jeff says back “anyway. I already told Monty we are talking about it tomorrow. But are you two okay? What happened after Monty threw the shot glass?” He said to Justin   
Alex hums softly, pouting a little “why don't you wan me to rememberrrr?”  
“Nothing really,” Justin said, “we left and went home. Alex has a cut on his forehead though, he says it hurts.” Justin turned to Alex “baby, I don’t want you to remember because it’ll just make you sad and I don’t want you to be sad.”  
Monty huffed into the pillow, he wanted Jeff now, not later.  
Alex frowns a little and nods, laying back on Justin's chest.  
“Jesus. I'm sorry. Anyway i should go, he's getting all huffy. I'll see you later yeah?”  
“Yeah,” Justin agreed. “Take care of yourself Jeff, and take care of him as well, he needs you looking out for him.” He pulled Alex closer to him, holding him tight.  
Monty stuffed his face into Jeff’s pillow, holding it close to him.  
“Alright. Bye Justin” he says, hanging up and going back to the room.  
Alex nuzzles into Justin's chest “you're warm” he says softly.  
“So are you baby,” Justin said, kissing his forehead. “Alex, I love you.”  
“Finalllyyyyyy, you’ve been gone foreverrr,” Monty exaggerated.  
“I love you toooooo” Alex giggles, yawning a bit.  
“It was literally 5 minutes” Jeff laughs, laying next to him.  
Justin turned to look at Alex, “I’m not like them am I?” He asked.  
“Too long,” he said, cuddling up to him.  
Alex frowns and shakes his head “course not Jus. You're nothing like them” he says.  
Jeff chuckles and holds him close “you know you are going to apologize right?” He says.  
“You sure? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?”  
Monty shrugged, “I guess.”  
“I promise!” Alex says “you aren't anything like them”   
“Im serious. When you threw the shot glass it actually cut Alex’s forehead”  
“Oh,” Monty said.  
Justin nodded, resting his head on top of Alex’s, “okay.”  
“M love you jus” Alex says softly  
“Yeah. A lot of what you said wasn't very nice you know.”  
“I love you so much Alex.”  
“I’m not very nice so that doesn’t surprise me; I’m an asshole, remember?”  
“I love you moreeee” Alex giggles  
“But still. You didn't need to bring the fact that Alex has an actual eating disorder into it, that could've triggered something. And what you said to Justin. That wasn't okay either. He's really trying to be a good person love.”  
“Nope, impossible,” Justin said, kissing his nose.  
He shrugged, “I’m just an asshole, it’s what I do. I’m drunk and I couldn't stop the words from coming out.”  
Alex pouts “you're lucky i'm too tired to argue”  
“Yeah i know. But still, at least apologize tomorrow okay?”  
Justin laughed, “you know it’s true, there is no arguing about it,” Justin kissed him, this time on his lips.  
“You think I’m an asshole?” Monty said, looking up at Jeff.  
“Shhhh” Alex mumbled, closing his eyes.   
“At times you can be.”  
Justin laughed at Alex, the drunk boy was absolutely adorable in his eyes.   
“I'm not an asshole to you am I?”  
“M goin to sleep” Alex mumbles “night night”  
“No baby. You aren't” Jeff says, kissing his head.   
“Night baby.”  
“Good.”  
Alex closes his eyes, falling asleep  
“Mhm now go to sleep baby.”  
Justin closed his eyes, starting to drift off as well.   
“Okay,” Monty said, starting to fall asleep.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Justin woke up, Alex was still asleep. He held the boy close as he remembered the events from the night before. He kissed his forehead and swore to protect him, no matter what he would always protect this boy. He hoped that Monty felt bad about what he did. What he didn’t know at the time was that the other boy hated himself for the things he said.

“God why the fuck did i say all of that? To the both of them! What was i literally thinking” Monty said.

Alex started to wake up, Justin instantly making him take the pain relievers and drink the water. “How ya feeling?” he asked the boy.

“You said it yourself last night. You were drunk and you’re an asshole,” Jeff stated.

“Fuck still! I shouldn't have said any of that. I have to apologize Jeff.”

Alex whined softly, nuzzling into him “my head hurts…”

“Yeah, it will, you drank a lot, more than me actually.”

“Yes, yes you do,” Jeff said, not feeling bad for the hungover boy at all.

“I know” Alex mumbles, nuzzling into Justin.

“Can we go over there or something?”

“It’ll feel better soon baby,” Justin kissed his forehead, “I promise.”

“Yeah, they might appreciate it if you did it in person.”

“I remember what happened last night” Alex mumbled

“Let's go then.” Monty says, standing up.

“I’m sorry baby.”

Jeff nodded and started walking out, not hiding the fact that he was still mad at the boy.

Alex shrugs a little, closing his eyes “i mean. He was right. I can barely handle eating too much. How am i supposed to handle alcohol”

Monty pouts, following him “babeeee why aren't you talking to me?”

“He can’t handle alcohol either, it’s not your fault. I honestly think you handled it better than he did. You’re working on the food, you’re doing amazing baby.”

“I’m still a little pissed at you.”

Alex shrugs a little “not really. I can barely eat 10 bites without feeling sick”

Monty pouts “at least i'm apologizing.”

“Baby, you’re working on it, you will get better, I promise.”

“I know and I’m proud of you for that.”

“Then why are you mad at meeee” Monty pouts

Alex shrugs “i guess, i dunno”

“You are, Alex. You are getting better.”

“Because you still did it!”

“Not by much.” Alex mumbles.

“I said sorry!”

“It will take time baby, you’re getting there but it will take time.”

“Montgomery, when are you going to realize that sorry doesn’t automatically fix things. I know you said you were sorry but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to be mad at you just like it means that Alex and Justin don’t have to forgive you.”

Alex nods a little “okay..” he says softly

“I know i fucked up okay? I was drunk and i'm an asshole.”

“I love you baby,” Justin said softly.

“I know. I’m glad that you realize what you did but as I said, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m mad at you.”

“I love you too” Alex says, leaning into him

“Yeah. I know.”

Justin wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. 

Jeff nodded, “let's go.”

Alex hums softly nuzzling into him. 

Monty nods and follows. 

Justin kissed his head, “how's the cut on your head feel today?”

Jeff walked out of their apartment, going to a bus to take them to the apartment complex across town, where Alex and Justin live. 

“Hurts a little” Alex mumbles. 

Monty follows close behind him. 

“Not too sore today?”

They got on the bus when it arrived. 

Alex shrugs a little “m used to it” he mumbles quietly. 

Monty sighs, sitting next to Jeff on the bus. 

Justin sighed, “I wish you weren't; pain isn't a good thing to get used to. You shouldn't have to be used to it however I understand.”

They got to their destination a silent half hour later. Jeff not saying anything the entire ride. 

“I mean. It's my fault” Alex says, pulling on his sweater sleeve. 

“Can you at least say something?” Monty says. 

“How is this in anyway your fault?”

“What is there to say?” Jeff asked. 

“That i'm used to pain. It's my fault.” Alex says. 

“Something. Anything. I don't care just something.”

“It is not your fault. You do not deserve any of this.”

“There is nothing to say.”

“You don't understand” Alex sighs

“Jesus i don't care if you fucking yell at me just say  _ something _ .”

“Then make me understand.”

Jeff sighed and put one of his arms around Monty, pulling the boy closer. “I may be mad at you but I'm not going to yell at you.”

Alex bit his lip, tugging up his sleeve, showing cuts on his arm “this. This is why i'm used to pain.”

Monty leaned on his shoulder “you should.”

“No. No, why? Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“No. Yelling doesn't solve anything, it only brings fear.”

Alex shrugs a little “it started after that one night. After... _ that _ happened. Then i started thinking and yeah” he mumbles “i used to do it a lot in high school too.”

“Still” Monty says “you should yell at me. I deserve it.”

Justin nodded, “back in high school, middle school even, I always thought about doing it but I was always too scared. I understand why you do it but can you  please try to stop?”

Jeff kissed his head, “I'm not going to yell at you.”

“I dunno.” Alex mumbles “it's kinda an on and off thing. Since i was old enough to know what it was, so probably around 12. I stop for awhile, then something happens and i panic and then i do it again, everyday, for awhile. It's a cycle.”

Monty sighs softly and nods “fine.”

“I can get help you, if you'd let me. I don't want to lose you.”

“Come on, we're at the right stop,” Jeff said, standing up. 

“If you want to” Alex says softly “i don't want to force you to help me if you don't want to.” 

Monty nods and stands up “let's go then.”

“Of course I want to help you! You are everything to me. The only thing I have. I can't lose you. I can't lose my world.”

Jeff led him off the bus and they started trekking down the street. 

“You won't lose me Jus.” Alex says softly “it won't get that far. You won't lose me.”

Monty sighs softly “what am i supposed to say?”

“Promise?”

“You apologize. That's all you can do, you tell the truth about whether you meant it or not. You say why you said it. Whether they forgive you or not is a different subject entirely.”.”

Alex nods “i promise. You aren't going to lose me.”

Monty nods “yeah.” He says softly “okay.”

Justin nodded and kissed him. 

“I know you're afraid and don't even try to deny it. You've been friends with Justin since freshman year and you've known Alex since sophomore year. You will be fine, you can talk to them. I will be by you the entire time,” Jeff said as they reached the building. 

Alex smiles slightly and kisses back.

“I'm not scared” Monty says,

“I love you so much.”

“I know you better than that. I can tell you're scared by the way your shaking and talking. It's obvious. You need to stop trying to hide every emotion that's not anger. That's not healthy, didn't your counselor talk about that?”

“I love you too jus” 

“Yeah...im working on it okay? It's harder than it seems.”

Justin smiled, the two boys lying together. 

“I know baby. Just be yourself, not the asshole persona you always have around everyone but me. Be the you that your mom knows.”

Alex cuddles into him, humming softly. 

“I'll try” Monty says. 

Justin smiled as he picked at a loose string. 

“Good because that's the you they need to see when you apologize,” Jeff said as they approached the apartment door. 

Alex hums softly, playing with justin's hair. 

Monty nods and follows “okay.”

Jeff knocked on the door. 

Justin groaned and got up, looking for pants. 

Alex whines “nuuuuu”

“what if they yell?” Monty says. 

“Come with me?” Justin asked, his eyes begging. 

“That's honestly something you'll have to deal with. With what you did to them I'd be surprised if they didn't,” Jeff said, not sugarcoating anything. 

Alex nods and gets up, making sure his sweater is pulled down “mhmmm let's go” 

Monty sighed and nodded “okay..”

They walked out into the living room, Justin answering the door, not happy with what he saw. “What do you want?” He asked coldly, staring down Monty hard eyes. 

“Can we come in, I don't think this is something that should be done in a hallway.”

Justin nodded and Jeff pushed Monty forward. 

Alex frowns a little, holding onto Justin's arm.

Monty sighs and walks in.

Justin walked away, guiding Alex to the couch. 

Jeff followed him in. 

Alex hums a little and sits down, pulling Justin down next to him.

Monty followed behind them, biting his lip and staying standing.

Jeff sat in the armchair they had next to the couch. 

Justin looked at Monty as if saying get on with it.

“I just-i want to apologize. I shouldn't have said any of that last night, no matter if i was drunk or not, none of that was okay and i really don't have a reason for saying it, except it was stupid.” Monty said,

Justin looked over at Alex, it was up to him. Justin would only forgive him if Alex would. 

Alex bites his lip and nods a bit “it's okay. You weren’t thinking straight. You were drunk.” 

“Wait really?”

Justin nodded, “I know about being drunk and not knowing what you're doing.”

Jeff nodded. 

Alex nods “it's okay, really.” He smiles slightly 

“Fuck thank you” Monty smiles, not as anxious as he was before. 

Jeff stood up and walked over to him. He wrapped an arm around him and kissed his forehead, “see babe, I told you things would be fine.”

Justin smiled, kissing Alex. He looked over and smirked, “so you were scared that we wouldn't forgive you? You're afraid to lose us! You like us!” Justin yelled almost victoriously. He just liked to screw with his friend. 

Alex giggles, leaning on his shoulder “awhhhh you do like us!”

“Oh my god shut upppp” Monty whines “i'll never admit to that”

Jeff laughed, “he doesn't admit he has feelings. He wants us to think he's a robot.”

“Wait he's not a robot?” Justin asked jokingly. 

Alex giggles, poking Justin's cheek

Monty pouts “i'm not a robottt”

“Could've fooled me,” Justin and Jeff said in unison, laughing afterwards. In the midst of his laughing Justin licked Alex's cheek. 

Alex squeals slightly “what was that forrrrr”

Justin shrugged and licked him again. 

“Staph licking meeee” 

“Nah,” he laughed.

“Whyyyy”

“‘Cause.”

“Jussss” he pouts

“Did you really lick him” Monty sas

“Do you really not lick your boyfriend or does he not lick you?” Justin said, practically calling bullshit on him.

“I mean yeah but” Monty says. 

“Exactly, you can't say anything about me doing this,” Justin said before licking Alex, Jeff licking Monty at the same time. 

Alex whines “jusssss stopppp”

“Babeeee” Monty pouts “whyy”

Both boys laughed. 

“Whyyyy?” Justin asked. 

“You love it,” Jeff said. 

“Becauseeee” Alex says

“Maybe” 

“Not a good enough excuse,” Justin said. 

Jeff just laughed and kissed his head, “you're so short and it cracks me up.”

Alex pouts “jussssss”

Monty pouts “im not that short!”

“Okay you being cute is a good enough reason.”

“You're shorter than Alex my case is closed.”

Alex smiles “good!”

“That doesn't mean anythingggg”

“You're always cute actually.”

Jeff gave him a look, “I think it does.”

“Am nottttt” Alex pouts

“Does not!”

“You are not helping your case right now.”

“Yeah it does, now come here,” Jeff said, sitting in the arm chair motioning for Monty to come sit on his lap. 

“Im not cute.” He huffs “don’t lie”

Monty pouts and walks over, sitting on his lap.

“I'm not lying, you are cute. Adorable in fact.”

Jeff pulled him closer to him, them now cuddling. “You may always try to convince people that you're so manly and have no feelings but you're actually just small and adorable.”

“Shush mo im nottttt” Alex pouts

“Am not”

“You are,” Justin smiled, kissing his nose. 

“Don't even try to argue with me, I'm right and we all know it.”

Alex pouts and crosses his arms “fine.”

“Im notttt” 

“Good, we both agree that you're adorable,” Justin said with a smile. 

“I said don't argue with me princess,” Jeff said, smirking at the end of his sentence. 

“I'm just agreeing so you don't say ittt” Alex says. 

Monty blushes “don't call me that” he mumbles. 

“Liar, you know it's true.”

“Why not princess? I thought you loved it,” Jeff said, his voice slightly lower and quieter. 

“Pfft maybe” Alex blushes

“Not im front of themmm” Monty says softly

“Ha! So I am right!” Justin said, laughing afterwards.

“Why not? You scared they’ll see you’re not the tough asshole you pretend you are?”

“Shushhhhh” Alex pouts

“Maybe” Monty says, crossing his arms

“Never,” Justin said, kissing the pouty boy.

“I think it’s too late for that baby,” Jeff laughed.

Alex blushes and kisses back “i love you”

“Stilllll shush” Monty pouts. 

“I love you too!”

“How about…. No.”

“I love you moReeee” Alex says

Monty crosses his arms “fine then.”

“Impossible. You could never love me more than I love you.”

“Aww don't act all pouty, princess.”

“I dooooo” Alex pouts

“Jefff” Monty whines “stop itt”

“Nope,” Justin kissed him.

“Not a chance princess,” he laughed. 

Alex pouted and kissed back “fine”

“Im boreddddd” Monty said. 

Justin laughed then looked around to all the others, “so now what?”

Jeff shrugged. 

“I dunno” Alex shrugs, nuzzling into Justin 

“Can we do somethingggg”

“Yeah, we should do something that does not involve alcohol,” Justin said looking at Monty as he said it. 

“What should we do?”

Alex pokes Justin's cheek “be nice, jus” 

Monty bites his lip “i have no idea”

“I am always nice.”

“Hmm, what about… Zoo?”

“Mhmmm sure” Alex says

“Oooo that sounds fun” Monty says.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

Justin turned, looking Alex directly in the eyes, “I am going to take a penguin. I will get a penguin. Either you will take it with me or you will be put in the penguin enclosure as a distraction.”

“Justin if we bring the penguin back here it'll die”

“What?” Monty laughs. 

“I told you I'll buy a lot of freezers!”

“Do we even want to know?” Jeff asked. 

“Then we'd freeze to death”

“I don't think so”

“Then we'll buy a lot of blankets, problem solved!” Justin said like he had everything figured out. 

“Me either.”

“Blankets won't help that hell i get cold just standing in front of the freezer, if we try to steal a penguin we'll be living in a freezer and possibly go to jail for 10+ years”

“Are they literally arguing about stealing a penguin”

“I think so…”

“That's only if we get caught, which we won't! And I'll keep you warm,” he winked. 

“Jus, we’ll definitely get caught, do you really want to spend 10+ years in a jail cell because of Grand Theft Penguin?”

“Oh my gosh”

“If I go out it'll be that way. They will never take me alive.” 

“Cause of death: Grand Theft Penguin,” Jeff laughed. 

“Justin we aren't stealing a penguin”

Monty laughs “this is hilarious”

“Aleeeexxxxx,” Justin whined. 

“I agree,” Jeff said, looking at Monty, “we're not stealing any animals, don't even try.”

“Nooooo” Alex said “we’ll go to jaillll”

“But Jeffff” Monty whined

“No we wooooonn’tttt,” Justin whined. 

Jeff looked at Alex, “they are whiny children.”

“Jus we willlll now, no penguin.” Alex says, “i knOw right?”

“We are not!”

Justin started whining more. 

Jeff kissed Monty's cheek, “yes, yes you are.”

“Justin we can't steal a penguin”

Monty pouts “i am not”

“Now that you've crushed my hopes and dreams shall we go?” Justin said. 

“Babe, I'm sorry to say, but you are.”

Alex sighs “yeah let's go”

“Ugh fineeee now cmonnn”

Justin kissed Alex's cheek then got up, pulling Alex up with him. He wrapped an arm around the boy as they walked out. Jeff grabbed Monty's hand as they followed Justin and Alex out. 

Alex smiles and leans into him, humming softly.

Monty smiles and walks with him. 

The boys waiting for a bus to come to take them to Jeff and Monty's apartment. The boys all decided that it might be easier to take a car. The boys rode the bus to save gas since it is rather expensive. They got Monty's car and set off to the zoo. 

Alex hums softly, looking out the window.

Monty smiles while driving, looking over at Jeff.

Justin leaned into Alex as they ride in the back. 

“Babe, eyes on the road don't crash us. I don't want to die today.”

Alex hums softly, smiling 

“Fine fine” Monty laughs, paying attention. 

Justin started to poke Alex's cheeks as Jeff turns on the radio. The Black Parade album by My Chemical Romance coming on as he did so. 

“oH MY GoD”

“Alex calm dOWn oh my god”

“Holy shit you're emo,” Justin said to Monty. 

“All he listens to is the Emo Trinity and 2000’s pop punk,” Jeff chimed in. 

“Bitch me too” Alex says “turn it off before i actually start crying”

“Same” Monty says. 

Jeff shook his head, putting A Fever You Can't Sweat Out from Panic! At The Disco in instead. 

“Why did you leave Ryan Ross?” Justin said, looking out the window. 

“wHy all the emo songs i feel attacked” Alex pouts

“Are all of us literal emo fuckers”

“Yes,” Justin responded. 

“Ryden was real and the government knows it. Give us the truth behind Northern Downpour!”

“HoNESTLY they're both gayer than me and that's saying something”

“Did you just-”

“Yes. Ys i did”

“Back in high school who would've thought that any of us would ever call ourselves gay?” 

“Except for Alex. Even a blind man could see the way he looked at you,” Jeff said. 

“Shut uP. It wasn't that obviousssss” Alex pouts

“It really was” Monty said

“I never noticed it,” Justin said. 

“Everyone else did. And no one ever suspected us,” Jeff said, motioning to him and Monty. “Like we would literally fuck in the parking lot and no one knew.”

“I wasn't that obvious!” Alex pouts

“I mean, that is true”.”

“Everyone but Justin saw it!”

“You guys were together in high school?” Justin asked confused. 

“That proves my point. We were together and no one knew. You two weren't and everyone thought you were because of the way you were always eye fucking each other.”

“We didnt eye fuck each other” Alex pouts 

“We actually fucked and no one noticed though” Monty laughs. 

“Exactly! Everyone knew by the way you two looked at each other but we would be late to school or disappear during lunch together and when we got back he would be limping a bit and no one noticed,” Jeff laughed.

“Okay I might've eye fucked you,” Justin admitted. 

Alex blushes “im not admitting to anything”

“ShuT up Jeff oh my gOD”

“You did!” Justin exclaimed. 

“Nah. We did so frequently that I don't know how no one caught on.”

“Oh my gosH”

“sTop” Monty blushes. 

“So you guys actually fucked, continuously, at school, and no one caught on but we didn't and everyone did? How?”

“I don't know. We'd even sneak out of class and go into the bathroom or an empty classroom. So you guys actually didn't do anything in high school?”

“Mostly because i was terrified of getting caught” 

“We literally fucked like maybe people just didn't see it coming”

“Yeah, we couldn't do anything at my house it was too dangerous. And we were too scared to at his house or school and we didn't really fit in a car that well,” Justin said. 

“We fit in a car. Not well but I shoved him in and I would say it worked.”

“Why are we talking about this” 

“Im with Alex on this!”

Justin held his hand up to the other two and looked at Jeff, “you are bigger than Alex and I and he is shorter than us. We couldn’t fit. How the fuck did you two fit? Wait, did you two do it in this ccar?”

“That is why we’re talking about it,” Jeff said to Monty and Alex. He turned to Justin, “well most of the time it ended with him on top of me and yes we did.”

“Can i tuck and roll”

“Jeff oh my god”

“Yes, both of us, on the count of three.”

“What? He asked.”

Alex giggles “i was joking you dork”

“That doesn't mean you tell him!”

“I was not,” Justin said straight faced.

“Aww are you embarrassed?” Jeff asked, mocking his boyfriend.

“We’d probably get hit by a car and die”

“Jefffff” Monty whined.

“That is a risk I would be willing to take,” he said before laughing.

“You areeee,” Jeff continued mocking him lovingly.

“ShUshhh” alex pouts “don’t joke about that”

“I am nottttt”

“Sorry baby.”

“Then why is your face red and you’re so desperate for me to stop?”

“Sure you areeee” alex pouts more “that's not funny”

“Because it's wEiRd don't tell everyone that”

“I love you.”

“It’s not everyone, it’s just Justin and Alex.”

“I love you too dork”

“Still!”

“Good.”

Jeff just shrugged.

Alex smiles and nuzzles into him 

“Are we there yettt”

“If you don’t miss this turn we will be.”

Justin kissed his head.

“Oh shut up” Monty said as he turned

“Well you missed it last time!”

“It was your fault!”

“Was I ‘distracting’ you?” Jeff said.

Justin looked over at Alex and mouthed to him, ‘they sound like an old married couple.’

“You actually were. You were teasing me the whole way there!”

Alex giggles and nods.

“What else am I supposed to do? I’d be doing it now but I don’t think they want to see it!”

Justin nods.

“Don't do it if im driving! We could crash!”

“Learn to drive better then.”

“Alex stays fully focused on the road and has never once almost crashed and when we had a car I teased him almost every time we were in it.”

“Don’t rub it in”

“Because i had practice dork. I bet if you tried that now i'd probably kill us”

“He can’t do that at all and ends up having to pull over a lot.”

“Yeah, if I hadn’t crashed our car and totalled it, you’d probably be a pro and I probably wouldn’t phase you at all.”

“Probably”

“Oh my god why are we talking about this”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t actually know. We’re here, everybody get out of my car.”

Alex higgels and gets out

“rUdE” jeff says, getting out

“Well then.”

He laughed, getting out of the car himself.

“Im confused” alex said

“He just kicked us out the car”

“Yes, yes I did.”

Justin ran up to Alex, “soooo Grand Theft Penguin?”

Alex sighs “no. No grand theft penguin”

Jeff laughs “welp”

Monty ran to Jeff and jumped on his back.

“Alex, get on my back. We are cuter than them, even if you won’t let me go through with Grand Theft Penguin.”

Jeff laughs and hold him up

Alex giggles and gets on his back, holding on tight to him. 

This prompted a race; who could get to the gate first. Justin took off, him and Alex were smaller, combined, they probably weighed less than the other two. 

Alex giggles softly and clings to him 

“That's not fair!” Jeff shouts, running after them. 

“Yess it is!” Justin yelled back. 

“Faaassteeerr,” Monty shouted, clinging to Jeff. 

“It is notttttt” jeff pouted. 

“Is tooooo,” Justin yelled as he got to the gate. 

Monty whined at Jeff about them losing but most of it was uninterpretable. 

“We wiiiiin” alex giggles 

“It's not fairrrr. Yall had a head start”

“Tooo bad,” Justin laughed. 

Monty pouted, still being held by Jeff. 

Alex giggles and kisses Justins cheek.

“Aw babe dont poutttt” jeff says

“Let’s just go inside,” Monty said, trying to push Jeff forward.

Justin walked inside with Alex.

Alex smiels and hild omto him”

Jeff laughs and walks in as well.

They stopped inside, “where to first?” Justin asked.

Monty shrugged and leaned down, laying his entire torso on Jeff.

“I dunnoooo”

“Lets just walk around?” Jeff says.

Justin nodded and started walking in a random direction, the other two following them. Once they had been walking for awhile it became clear to them that they were going to where the big cats were.

“Ooo are we going to the lionsss?” Alex says 

“You're kinda like an angry baby lion” jeff laughs

“Was that meant to be an insult?” Alex says.

“Baby lions are adorable,” Justin said.

Monty chimed in with, “yeah, haven’t you ever seen The Lion King? ‘Long live the king!’ ‘Brother nooo!’”

Alex laughs a bit “what?”

“What on earth are you on about?” Jeff asked.

“The Lion King. When Scar killed Mufasa? ‘No king! No king! La la la la la la!’?” He quoted again.

“Dude, too soon,” Justin said.

“StOp” alex says “i still cry at that”

“So does heeee” jeff says.

“Fuck you,” Monty says to Jeff while Justin laughed.

“I thought i fucked you?”

Justin laughed harder as Monty stuttered, “um, I-I-I yeah?”

Jeff laughs “i love you”

“Oh my gOD” alex laughs “that's priceless”

“Are you embarrassed?” Justin asked him.

“Maybe..”

“Wait. Does this mean that back in school every time we saw him limping, which was almost everyday, it wasn’t from him getting hurt in a fight, it was you?”

“Well, most times it was me” jeff says

“Well i guess now we know Jeff fucks hard”

“I mean, he does but why are you all talking about it?” Monty asked, his face red.

“Do you try and break him or something?”

“I don't think you want me to answer that”

“Like i said. Kinky fuckers”

“He leaves bruises,” Monty said before hiding his face in Jeff again.

“Jesus,” Justin looked at Alex, “and I thought we were bad.”

Jeff laughs, playing with his fingers “oops?”

“We are we just keep it secret”

“We’re not that bad!” Justin said.

“Hey look, lions!” Monty said, trying to distract them from their conversation topic.

Alex giggles “we are.” He says “let's go over thereeee”

“Okayy,” Justin said, carrying Alex over.

Monty started pushing Jeff to follow them, “walkkk.”

 

By the end of the day all 4 boys were tired and Monty and Jeff had already dropped Alex amd Justin off at home.

“Today was fun,” Justin said to Alex. 

“It wasss” alex said, cuddling into him. 

“We should go out more often.”

“We shouldddd but we both hate people”

“True. I actually think that the only time we got out is dates or with Jeff and Monty.”

“Either that or for school”

“Oh yeah. School,” he said, grimacing.

“I really don't wanna go back honestly”

“Me either. You could drop out, you’re already in a band. You could get signed any time. I can’t I have no choice but to go,” he sighed.

“Honestly i dont think id be able to realistically handle that, mentally and whatnot. Plus i couldnt get up on a stage and do that.” Alex says “i think for most jobs you only need about 2 years of college and you can qualify for a paid internship”

“Yeah but my point is, you can be successful even without college; I couldn’t. You could drop out and get famous, you guys already play small shows and record videos. If I dropped out all I’d do is probably end up living on the streets. I know what I want to do but I doubt I’ll actually be able to do anything and I probably will end up dropping out.”

“Justin stop” alex frowns “even if you did, and even if i did somehow end up doing that do you really think id let ypu live on the streets? Hell if you ended up om the streets id be right there with you. I already told you; i am not going to leave you.”

“You’ll probably end up famous, rich, and successful and I’ll just be your stay at home wife.” Justin sighed, “ and if you got famous you’ll probably find someone better and leave me which would land me on the streets.”

“Im not going to leave you. I wont find someone better” alex says softly “im pretty sure youre the only one who would willingly deal with my ass. And like i said, even if i did become famous somehow you'd be right there with me. I wouldnt leave yoy, im pretty sure we're pretty codependent on eachother”

“Anyone would be lucky to have you; I’m actually pretty sure there are a lot of people that wish they could be with you. So many people that are better than me wish they could be with you but honestly, I don’t think I could live without you.”

Alex shifts and sits on Justins lap, facing him. “I dont care if there are people better than you, youre all i need. Hell id  _ literally  _ be dead if it wasnt for you. I doubt anyone could compare to you Justin. I love you too much to be with anyone else.”

“I love you too and,” he sighed, “I know I never talk about this but, if I didn’t have you, if you hadn’t let me in that day, I’d be dead right now.”

“What do you mean Jus?” He says softly, playing with Justin's fingers.

“That night I came over, the one before we got together, I showed up because I got kicked out. He threatened to kill me if I ever came back and I knew he wasn’t bluffing. I slept on the streets after that, only staying with you evry once in a while because I din’t want to bother you. The only time I got food was when I stayed with you. I’d be dead without you. I either would’ve done it myself, got murdered, or died of starvation, but you saved me.”

“Jus fuck” alex said softly, looking up at him “you shouldve told me, i wouldve let you stay” he said softly “i love you so fucking much”

“I love you too. I didn’t want to bother you, I thought I was a burden. No one else would even text me back even though they somewhat knew what was going on and you didn’t. I didn’t want to bother you so I forced myself to stay away.”

“You were never a burden to me Jus.” Alex says softly “Honestly i loved when you stayed over, it made me feel safer somehow, knowing you were there. You never bothered me. Never.”

“I did too, when I was with you was and still is the only time I know that I won’t get hurt.”

Alex smiles slightly and leans on his shoulder “i love you, so so much”

“I love you too,” Justin smiled sadly.

Alex wanted to say the same for Justin, that he knew he wouldn't get hurt around him, but he couldn't. Not after when Justin hit him when he was drunk, if he was being honest he was scared it would happen again.

Justin could tell. He knew he would never forgive himself for it, he hated himself for what he did.

“Jus whats wrong?” He asks softly, looking up at him “are you okay?”

“Yeah baby, I’m fine. I love you so fucking much; more than I could ever say. More than any word could say.”

“I love you more Jus.” He says softly, kissing his cheek.

He sighed and whispered, “more than you will evr know.” And they slowly fell asleep.

\------------------]

Grand Theft Penguin is my favorite thing....


	16. Chapter 16

Alex was alone, Justin was supposed to be home hours ago. He hoped he hadn’t stopped by the bar on his way home. Alex tried calling Justin, getting worried when it went to voicemail.  
“Fuck, Justin where are you?” He said to himself.  
He tried calling Justin’s friends, the ones he might be out with. He either got nothing or them saying they had no idea. He sighed, calling the last person on his list, Jeff. He dialed the number and waited, hoping that Jeff would know.  
As soon as he answered alex immediately asked if he knew anything, “do you know where justin is?” He asked “he was supposed to be home ages ago”  
“Yeah. He’s in Palm Springs with Monty and some others,” Jeff said, sounding pissed off.  
“Of fucking course he is” Alex says “did you know anything about this beforehand?”  
“No. Monty didn’t tell me anything until I called him and he drunkenly answered. He went to Palm Springs with the assholes that he hangs out with, the ones I do not like.” Jeff said, his voice getting angrier as he spoke.  
“So they pretty much skipped out on us to go get drunk.” Alex said “jesus fuck what are we going to do with those two?”  
“I don’t know but if that asshole tries anything with my boyfriend again, I’m gonna kill him.”  
“Wait what? What do you mean?” Alex says.  
“One of Monty’s ‘friends’ is an asshole. He constantly tries to get Monty to sleep with him, especially when he’s drunk. He always says he’ll ‘take him from me’ and then claims to be joking when I say anything. I fucking hate the guy and I’m not there to make sure nothing happens. He’s a perv and I don’t feel comfortable with Monty or Justin anywhere near him.”  
“Well now im even more worried….fucking hell” alex says.  
“I hope he doesn’t try anything with Justin but Monty gets really horny when he’s drunk and high so I know he’ll try something with him, it’s inevitable. I just hope he won’t go through with it or that someone stops him.”   
“I hope so too.” Alex mumbles “anyway. Im gonna see if Justin will answer the phone. Ill talk you you later.”  
“Okay, I wish you luck with getting him to answer.”  
“Thanks” alex mumbles, hanging up, immediately trying to call Justin after.  
Alex got nothing, Justin would not answer his phone. He tried calling again and again but got nothing and just waited. After a few hours Alex’s phone vibrated; someone had texted him. He looked at his phone to see it was a picture and then a video came in. The picture was Justin on a table, shirtless. The video was Justin dancing on the table, in a crowded bar, stripping.  
“Are you fucking serious?” He says “fucking stripping in a fucking bar?” He huffed and threw his phone to the other end of the couch, pulling his knees to his chest. He knew Justin would do something stupid, he just didn't want to think about it.  
A few hours later he got texts from Justin.

New Message:  
From: Justin  
Alexxxxx were in PAlm SprIngS aanddd we danced on tables and some guy ran into mee anD i Almostsf foughtt theef Bitchhhh and weee got Kiucked out of the hortel and now we have to find another hitell and I losstsss my shoEE

New message:  
To: Justin  
Yeah. Good for you. Would've been nice to know where the fuck you were. And thanks for ignoring me, had to find out through Jeff.

New Message:  
From: Justin  
SrRy it was spur of the omebnt and i din’t knowe it woulsdf happend. Momty came to me after class and asked me to comer with him thens we was in Paslm SprIns

New Message:  
To: Justin  
Yeah. Whatever Justin. You still could've called or something instead of making me worry. Call me when you're not wasted.

Alex then out his phone on silent, laying on the couch and staring up at the ceiling. Soon after he got another text from Justin. It was a picture of him, Monty, and some other guy. Monty was shirtless and laying in the bed, the other guy was standing by the bed, and Justin was sitting on the edge of it. Another text was sent after saying, ‘We founded a new hiotekl and were shating arooome.’  
Alex rolled his eyes and texted back ‘good for you. Now take your drunk ass to sleep or something. Call me tomorrow.’  
Alex didn’t get any response after that and he put his phone down and sighed, holding his head in his hands.  
About an hour later he got a response, he almost didn't check the phone, worried about what hed find.  
He did check it though and what he found was something he did not want to hear. It was a voice message. It seemed to be accidentally recorded because it was only moaning.  
He froze, it was a message from Justin, and that could only mean that Justin had cheated on him. He started to panic, he had a feeling exactly this would happen.  
His phone rang, it was Jeff.  
Alex picked up the phone “i already know what you're going to tell. Don't bother” he mumbled, slightly choked up.  
“So you got the message too?” He asked, his voice was soft and he sounded sad, almost defeated.  
“Yeah.” Alex said quietly “i kinda had a feeling it would happen. After what you said and he said him some guy and monty were sharing a room.”  
“Yeah, I’m gonna head down there and get them back. Unless you want differently I’m gonna drop them off here then I’m gonna leave for a few days.”  
“Okay” alex says softly “i don't think i'd be able to see him right now honestly.”  
“Me either but I want them to be safe. That’s why I’m taking them here, I already have a suitcase packed and I’m gonna go to parents for a while.”  
Alex nods slightly, absently playing with his sleeve “alright” he mumbles “be careful yeah?”  
“I don’t think I’m the one that needs to be safe but I may kill someone while I’m there.”  
“Don't kill anyone, i don't think we'd be able to bail you out of that one.”  
“True. Anyways I gotta go, getting in the car now. I’ll update you on their conditions when I get them.”  
“Okay. Bye” he says, hanging up the phone, going back to looking up at the ceiling.  
\----------------------------------  
Jeff pulled up to the hotel he had gotten Monty to admit they were at. He went into one of the rooms, the one Monty said he was in. He knocked on the door, not knowing what to do when it was opened. He guesses it would be different depending on the person; if it was Monty he might cry, Justin he would drag the boy to the car scolding him, and the other guy, there was a great chance that he might punch him and after he punched him he didn’t know if he’d be able to stop.  
It was Justin who opened the door, jeff could tell he was still slightly drunk. “I-i um hey?”  
He was slightly relieved, “get your shit and Monty, we’re leaving now,” he demanded.  
Justin frowned slightly and nodded, going back in the room and getting his stuff, pulling monty to the door with him.  
“Where are we going?” Monty slurred, his face lighting up when he saw Jeff.  
“Get in the car now,” he ordered.  
Justin gets in the car, he knew he fucked up, he just didn't want to know how Alex had reacted.  
Monty seemed to not know what he had done, he was giggling nonstop.  
Jeff sighed and started to go back to the car when the other guy came out, “babe come back!” He shouted.  
Jeff knew he shouldn’t have but he couldn’t control himself. He pulled his fist back and punched him in the face as hard as he could, “stay the fuck away from them asshole,” he spat at ther man, walking back to the car.  
“Monty stop. Do you not realise what we just did?”  
“We did something?” he asked, still slurring. The boy had drank a lot more than Justin.  
“We just fucking cheated on our boyfriends.”  
“Oh… with who?” The dumb drunk asked.  
“Some random guy you know, and with each other i might add.” He said as jeff got back in the car.  
“Oh. I’m not sure how I feel about that. With you looking as much as a twink as you do I’m not sure how I feel about you fucking me,” Monty said as Jeff got in the car.  
Jeff blinked back the tears, not wanting to cry yet; not in front of them.  
“Just shut the fuck up monty. Don't make shit worse” he said “jeff…? Are you okay?”  
“Oh okay,” Monty said.  
Jeff sighed, the tears coming down silently, “how the fuck do you think, my boyfriend just cheated on me with some guy and his best friend. With me being this upset how do you think Alex is? Were you guys even thinking about us while you did it? Did you even remember we existed? Or did you just not care about us?”  
“I-i we weren't thinking…” justin said “we didn't know what we were doing, it was a stupid drunken mistake.”  
“Yeah it seems like both of you make a lot of drunken mistakes, don”t you,” Jeff said angrily.  
Monty was looking out the window, happily like he didn’t have a care in the world.  
Right at that moment Justin's phone rang, Alex sat in the floor in their room, toying with the small pistol in his hand, waiting for Justin to answer the phone.  
Justin answered nervously, “hello,” he stuttered out nervously.  
“J-jus?” Alex says softly, biting on his lip, trying to hold back sobs  
“Im surprised he actually called you.” Jeff mumbles.  
“Alex, baby what’s wrong?” Justin asked nervously as he noticed something seemed off with Alex.  
Alex took a deep breath, biting his lip “ya know. I never thought this would happen again.” He mumbled “sitting in the floor with a pistol. Completely ready to to put it to my head and end everything. Im sorry i wasn't e-enough for you” he said quietly.  
“Alex, no please don’t. Just hang on,” he covered the mic on his phone, “Jeff, take me to Alex now.”  
“Why should i.” Alex said “you promised you'd never do this. You promised and you did.” Alex said quietly “i already barely trust anyone. I don't know if i can trust you anymore. If i live that long.”  
“Why? Whats going on?” Jeff asked.  
“No, please hang on,” he turned to Jeff, “he’s about to kill himself.”  
“Then why'd you do it.” Alex said softly “was it a one time thing or have you done it before?”  
“Holy fuck” jeff said “probably isn't the time but see? This is how he reacted to that.” He said “i'll take you there”  
“Baby, it was a one time thing, I’ve never seen that guy before in my life. I just wasn’t thinking. I know it isn’t much but I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have done it without the alcohol.”  
“Oh, that’s not good,” Monty mumbled.  
“Exactly.” Alex said, cocking and uncocking the gun a few times “You promised you wouldn't drink that much anymore too. I can't do it anymore justin.” Alex said softly “i can't there's too much going on im my head and everything is just too much i can't do this anymore.”  
“Alex please hang on, we’re almost there. I’ll be there soon.”  
Alex went quiet for a second, not saying anything. Jeff pulled up outside at that exact moment “get your ass in there Foley.” He said.  
Justin got out of the car, running to the door, entering the house. “Alex! Where are you?” He called.  
Alex stayed quiet for a moment, debating on if he should say anything. “Bedroom” he called quietly.  
Justin ran down there, running to Alex. He got to him and got on the floor next to him. He held him, “please? Please put the gun down.”  
Alex shook his head, still holding it in his hands “why” he said quietly “why should i”  
“Please don’t leave me. Alex, I know I fucked up but please, don’t leave me.”  
“I can't do this anymore Justin.” He said quietly “everything going through my head. And i can't tell you. I cant” he said quietly “im so fucking broken i don't get why you even deal with me.”  
“Alex, please don’t. You can tell me anything and I don’t know how you can deal with me, I’m the one that always fucks up! And I love you, so much, I’m not dealing with you, having you around is a privilege.”  
“I can't tell you this though” alex says quietly “i can't you'll hate me.” He says.  
“Alex, please. I could never hate you.”  
“I cant.” Alex whimpers softly, his breathing becoming quick and heavy “i cant”  
“Alex, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want too!”  
“But it's something you should know but i can't bring myself to say it” alex says quietly “it's gonna make you hate me”  
“I could never hate you but you don’t have to tell me unless you want to, not if you’re not ready.”  
Alex bites his lip “remember a few weeks ago? When i flipped out when you touched me?” He says softly, taking a deep breath.  
“Yeah, I had done the same thing a few days before.”  
“Well i um it's more than just because of what happened the night before” he says softly.  
“What?”  
“W-when i was 5 up until right before we left. My uncle w-would r-rape me. Me and my brother normally had to stay with him cause both my mom and dad worked. T-then when we moved, he still found ways to do it. A-and i um someone you know did it a few times too...once right before we left” he says.  
“What?” Justin asked. He knew how it felt, all of it. He hated the fact that Alex went through it, he didn’t want to believe it.  
Alex nods slowly i-i didn't want you to know.” He says quietly “h-he was your best friend and i didn't know how to t-tell you.”  
“No, no goddammit!” he whispered.  
Alex looked up at Justin with tears in his eyes “j-jus?” He says quietly.   
“Baby, I'm so sorry that happened. You don't deserve bad things like that to happen to you.”  
Alex shrugs a little, laying his head on Justin's shoulder “it's my fault anyways.” Alex mumbles.   
“No nothing like that is your fault. Alex you are not to blame for this.”  
“I could've told someone one” he says softly “but i was too fucking scared to. And i doubted anyone would believe me”  
“I know baby. It's fucking terrifying. But just because you didn't tell anyone doesn't mean it's your fault.”  
Alex frowns a little “you know?” He asks softly.   
Justin nodded slowly. He still wasn't sure if he could tell Alex.   
“Please tell me Jus?” He says softly “please?”  
He sighed, “please just promise me that you won't think any lower than me?”  
“I promise i won't” he says softly “i promise”   
Justin nods. “So it all started when my dad left. After that my mom got really depressed and started drinking and doing drugs. She met this man, he was the nicest guy ever, he helped her clean up and treated me better than my own father did. One night he came into my room drunk, he pulled out his dick and made me touch it then he touched me. It continued getting farther and farther each time. Since him my mom's boyfriends have either abused me physically or sexually. He wasn't the only one of them to do it.” Justin stopped and looked at Alex, he had more to tell but wasn't sure if he could.   
Alex wraps his arms around justin's neck, clinging to him but nodding for him to continue.  
“The rest,” Justin paused to sigh. “The rest is about my so called friend. Bryce.”   
Alex tenses up slightly, biting his lip. “O-oh” he says quietly.  
“Yeah. We met when we were about 11 or 12. Back before I met him, I had no friends. I was the kid that everybody ignored, the one that showed up to school dirty, covered in bruises, looking like they hadn’t been fed in weeks. Nobody did anything but laugh at me, I never made any friends because they thought they’d catch a disease by being around me. Bryce stood up for me one day, he helped me and that’s where it began. He started letting me stay over and eventually I told him about what was happening at home. He basically gave me the pool house then and he would always buy me things. As we got older he started wanting things in return, sexual acts were the only way I could. It started off small but eventually turned into more. If I ever tried to stop him he would threaten to make me sleep on the streets and he also said that if I told anyone he had pictures of me in these situations and he said he’d send them to everyone. It started getting better, he would let me sleep on the couch instead of with him or on the floor and he wouldn’t always touch me. Later I found out it was because he was doing the same thing to other people, most of them probably don’t remember it happened. I didn’t know you were one of the others and I wish I could’ve stopped him but I was afraid of him, I knew what he could do.”  
“Im sorry” alex says softly “fuck im so sorry”   
“It’s not your fault. You wanna know one of the really fucked up things?”  
Alex hesitates a little and then nods, staying quiet.  
“He told me that the only reason I was mad about what he did to Jess was because I was jealous. He fucking told me that I was only mad because I wanted it to be me instead.”  
“Fucking hell” alex mumbles “what the fuck?”  
“I know. He used to brag about it as well.”  
Alex stays quiet, playing with Justin's hair, trying to distract himself.  
“I love you,” he whispered.  
“I love you too” alex says softly.  
Justin moved them both to the bed as Alex started to fall asleep on the floor. Right as Alex fell asleep Justin whispered, “I’ve only been drinking again because he found me. He’s been threatening me through text and he knows where we live.”  
Alex nuzzled in closer to Justin, clinging to him tight.  
“I won’t let anyone hurt you. Things will only get better from here, I promise.”  
“I love you” alex mumbles in his sleep, practically laying on top of Justin.  
“I love you too,” Justin said, holding Alex and falling asleep as well.

\----------------------------------  
After a few days, Alex finally thought things would be okay, he and Justin were still in bed, cuddled close to each other.   
Justin was giggling and poking Alex’s cheek, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he repeated over and over, trying to get the boy to smile or laugh but he was stubborn.   
“I love you tooo” alex says, leaning on his shoulder. He knew Justin was just trying to make him happy, after what happened the other night Justin refused to leave the boy alone if it wasn't necessary.  
Justin knew that Alex hadn't forgiven him for what he had done, he didn't think he ever would but he refused to leave him alone. He wanted the boy happy even though he's one of the reasons he's not. He would do anything to make his boy happy.   
Alex hummed softly, playing with Justin's hair. He still loved him, of course he did, but he didn't know if he'd be able to trust him again.  
Justin had his arms around Alex when his phone went off. The text was from an unknown number telling him he better watch his boyfriend's back. He ignored it and went back to holding Alex.   
“Who was that Jus?” Alex asked softly, leaning into him more.   
“No one babe. It was a spam text from an unknown number,” he lied.   
“Whatd it say?”  
“Great news, Justin! Call 18775240336 to enter our limited time $200 giveaway before the winner is picked at 10 PM! You don't want to miss out! Txt STOP to opt out.” He said.   
Alex giggles a little and nods “what even?”  
“Yeah, I get them constantly.”  
“Thats dumb” he says “what even is the point if them?”  
“I have no idea.”  
Alex hums and nods “what time is it?”  
“Almost 3 pm,” he answered.   
“Already?” Alex asked “it doesn't seem like it”  
“Right? Do you wanna get up or stay here?”  
“I dunno” alex mumbles “i probably gotta get ready for work in a little but”  
“Okay,” he pouts  
“Don't pouttt” alex says “it won't be that long, i only have a 5 hour shift today”  
“Okayy I guess I can be alone for that long,” he said.   
“Just keep the door locked. And don't let anyone in”   
“Yes mom,” he laughed.   
“Im serious” alex frowns “be careful” he says softly.  
“I know babe. I know I’m not good at being alone but I’ll handle it.”  
“I know” alex says softly “maybe see if jeff will come over?”  
“I’ll be fine. If you’re still not sure you can call him though.”  
“I just don't want anything to happen” alex says softly.  
“If you’re really that worried, call him, I doubt he’s doing anything.”  
Alex nods a little and grabs his phone, calling jeff.  
“Hello?” He answers, slightly confused.  
“Heyyy can you do me a favor?”  
“Sure, what does it entail?”  
“Just spending the next 5 or so hours over here while im at work? Its kinda a long story and yeah.”  
“So you want me to babysit your boyfriend?” He asked.  
“Not like that just, ugh please? It's a long story.”  
“Yeah, I’m free. When should I come over and will someone tell me why I’m doing this?”  
“Half an hour. And no. Not yet. But thank youu”  
“Okay, I’ll be there sometime soon.”  
“Okie dokieee” alex says, hanging up.  
“So he’s coming over?” Justin asked.  
“Yep” alex says “i should probably get up and get ready.”  
“Okayy,” `he pouted and flopped back onto the bed. “You do that, I’ll just be laying here.”  
“Im sorryyyy” alex says, getting up “but if you want to be able to afford food i gotta”n  
“I know. I should get a job, shouldn’t I?” He asked.  
Alex shrugs a bit “i mean, you don't have to” he says, pulling his jacket on.  
“Should I though? I mean we could have extra money if anyone would hire me.”  
“If you want to you can Jus.” He says, leaning down and kissing his cheek “you don't have too if you don't want”  
He nodded but he felt guilty that Alex did all the work while he was a homemaker, basically a stay at home husband but they weren’t married.  
“Im serious jus” alex says “its okay, you could get one of those work from home jobs if you want. I don't mind”  
“Yeah, I might look into that later. I just feel bad that you make most of the money while I only get child support from my dad.”  
“Jus it's fine” alex says “i promise” he says, them there's a knock on the door, probably being jeff.  
“I love you,” he said, knowing that Alex had to leave but not liking the fact.  
“I love you too” alex says and kisses him “i'll be back soon.”  
“Okay,” he said as Alex walked out the door, sighing as he left.  
Alex sighs softly, starting to walk to his job.  
“Whats go you all pouty” jeff says “im sure he'll probably be back in less than 5 hours.”  
“Yeah, I know. I just hate when he leaves.”  
“Is there a specific reason for that?” Jeff asks.  
He shrugged, “I just don’t like being without him and he doesn’t like me to be alone. Actually I don’t think he trusts me to be alone for more than an hour.”  
“Do you think it maybe has something to do with what happened a few days ago?” Jeff asks “because either one of you would have good reason for not wanting the other to be alone.”  
He shook his head, “it’s been like this for a while. He only started to get more worried when we moved here because that means when he leaves I’m actually alone.”  
Jeff shrugs “i don't know then, maybe it has something to do with his anxiety and stuff.”  
“No, I think I know why and it’s because of me and I’m not good alone and he worries that something will happen to me if I’m alone.”  
“That would still probably cause him to worry more” jeff said.  
“Yeah, that’s why he called you. He doesn’t trust me to be alone.”  
“Probably”   
\------------------------------  
A few hours later, Alex was on his way home. It was dark outside by this time and he was very aware that someone was following behind him. He didn't speed up, in fear that whoever it was would chase after him.  
The footsteps got louder and faster, like the person was speeding up, like they were getting closer.  
Alex sped up a bit, trying to walk faster but still not get noticed that he was.  
At the same time, Justin got a text from the same unknown number saying; ‘i told you to watch your boyfriend's back. And now he's all alone.’   
Justin wasn’t sure what to do, he texted the number back, ‘leave him alone, I’m the one you want. Do whatever to me but leave him alone. He did nothing.’  
A hand wrapped around Alex’s wrist, “I told your boyfriend to watch you but here you are, all alone. Looks like he failed at keeping you safe again.”  
“What happened Justin?” Jeff asked, frowning   
Alex yelped slightly, tensing up as he recognized the voice. It was Bryce fucking Walker. “W-what?” Alex says, trying to pull away.  
“Alex is in trouble and it’s my fault.”  
He pulled Alex closer to him, his grip tightening. He wanted Alex to know that he wasn’t getting away, no matter how much he wanted too. “You’d be safe if he would’ve just listened to me, if he would’ve stayed obedient like I had him. But no, he met you and got rebellious, started acting out.”  
“P-please just let me go” alex whimpers, breathing hard “please i won't tell anyone please don't”   
“Too late.”  
Alex tries pulling away again “please don't please”   
Jeff frowned “what? What do you mean he's in trouble?”  
He drug Alex behind a building, in a dark alley.  
Justin threw his phone to Jeff, open on the texts.  
Alex struggled against him “s-stop stop please” he says, panicked  
“Holy fuck” jeff says “do you have any idea who it is?”  
“It's Bryce.”  
He pinned Alex to the wall, unbuttoning both of their jeans.  
“S-stop please” alex whimpers, starting to shake slightly  
“That fucking asshole? Is there any way we could find where they are?”  
“I don't know.”  
He ignored Alex's pleas, pulling down his pants slightly, doing what he came to do.   
“Well fuck” jeff says “then all we really can do is wait for him to get back”  
Justin then got another text ‘too late Justy. Should've watched him. And i wouldn't report it if i were you.’  
After Alex was sure he was gone, he slowly got up, limping out of the alley, slowly making his way home.  
Justin's breath caught in his throat, he failed. He knew this could happen and yet he did nothing. Alex got hurt again because of him. He held his head in his hands, “fuck!”  
“Justin? What'd he say now?” Jeff asked.  
Alex got back to their apartment after a while, knocking on the door, too weak to get his keys from his pocket.  
Justin held his phone up, letting Jeff read the message himself. He heard the knocking on the door and got up, checking through the peephole before opening it, remembering that Alex always gets mad at him for opening the door for anyone. Seeing it was Alex he opened the door quickly. “Are you okay? What happened? What did he do?”  
Alex shakes his head, immediately falling into Justin, clinging to him, still breathing hard “i-im s-sorry” he whimpers.   
Justin held him as close to himself as he could. He put his head on Alex's as he cried.   
“I-i tried t-to s-stop h-him but he wouldn't” Alex whimpered quietly, pulling himself closer “i-im s-sorry Jus”   
“It's my fault, not yours. I should've done something but I didn't. He warned me and I ignored it. You got hurt again because of me.”  
Alex shakes his head, still clinging to him “c-can we just c-cuddle please?” He says softly “h-hurts”  
Justin nodded and helped the boy into their room. He pulled out his phone, texting Bryce, ‘fuck you. Why are you back? What do you want from us?’  
Alex clings to Justin, holding on to his arm tightly.  
‘I just wanted to let you know that i can still control you. No matter where you go.’  
‘Then leave Alex out of it. This is between you and me, not him.’  
Justin sighed, holding Alex tightly, kissing the top of his head.   
“Hurts jus” alex whimpers softly, biting his lip  
‘He's been a part if this longer than you know’  
‘Fuck you asshole.’  
“I know baby, I'm sorry. I wish I could make it stop and that I would've prevented it.”  
Alex nuzzles closer to him, squeezing his eyes shut “it's okay” he says softly “ ‘s not your fault”  
‘Whatever Justin, but you better not report it. It'd be a shame if the pictures i have of you and your precious boyfriend got out. He looks so innocent even with a cock up his little ass.’  
“But it is my fault,” he whispered.   
‘Fuck you. Why do you even have those pictures in the first place? Are you really that much of a pervert? Don't you have anything better to do with your life than harass us?’  
Alex shakes his head “ ‘s not your fault” he mumbles “i love you”  
‘Maybe, i just find it enjoyable fucking with you two.’  
‘Why? Haven't you done enough to us?’  
“I love you too, so much.”  
“I love you more” alex mumbles  
‘Maybe. We’ll see’  
Justin ignored the message, putting his phone away. “Impossible. I love you too much for that.”  
Alex shakes his head, nuzzling into him more.  
‘Don't tell anyone and there won't be a problem’  
‘Why? What will you do if I do tell someone?’  
He kissed Alex's head again, rubbing the boys back.   
‘All the pictures i have will be sent out, and posted everywhere.’  
“M tired” alex mumbles softly.   
“Then sleep baby.”  
‘Really? I thought you would've come up with something worse.’  
“M scared” alex mumbles  
‘Oh i could easily do that too. Don't test me.’  
‘There's nothing else you could do. And with the pictures of me, who's going to see them and care? Alex is the only person I have. Plus you're all talk. Unless it's something sexual you just bluff.’  
“I'll protect you. I won't fail you again.”  
“ ‘s not your fault jus” alex mumbles  
‘It could ruin any chance either if you have of getting a job.’  
‘True but we're fine on jobs right now. By the time we'd need new ones they'd be long gone’  
Justin sighed, not responding to what Alex had said. “Go to sleep, I'll be right here.” He was worried, he knew he shouldn't be egging on his former friend but he was trying to psych him out, make him think none of it will work. He hoped he wouldn't see through him.   
“Promise?” Alex says softly, looking up at him with dull blue eyes.  
‘Are you so sure about that?’  
‘What are you gonna make Alex lose his job or something? How the fuck would you even be able to do that?’  
“I promise. I will never leave you.”  
Alex nods slowly, “okay” he says softly, closing his eyes “i love you jus”  
‘I can.’  
‘How? Because I highly doubt you can.’  
“I love you too Lex, so much.”  
Alex slowly falls asleep,clinging close to Justin  
‘Just know that i can’  
‘Whatever.’  
He sighed, watching Alex sleep.   
Alex snores softly, letting out quiet whimpers in his sleep, justin never got a response after the last message.  
Justin put away his phone, falling asleep as well.   
\-------------------------  
The next day, Alex stayed quiet most of the time, staying right by Justin the whole day.  
Justin had turned his phone off, not wanting the asshole to text him. He never left Alex’s side.  
Alex leans into his side while the cuddled in bed, humming quietly.  
“I love you,” Justin whispered. He was holding alex close to him and had his head on Alex’s, so his words were muffled.   
“I love you too” alex says softly.  
“I hope you know that I’m going to be walking with you to and from work from now on. I’m not letting you be alone ever again.I would rather be dead than have something happen to you again.”  
“I was gonna ask if you could” alex said softly “im honestly too scared to go alone”  
“I’m not letting you be alone again. I’ll walk you there then I’ll either go back home or go do something then I’ll come back and walk you home.”  
Alex nods “thank you” he says softly “i love you jus”  
“I love you too Lex.”  
“Do you wanna watch a movie?” Alex asks.  
“Sure, which one?”  
“Peter pan?”  
“Okay,” Justin said, climbing over the bed to put it in. He then, literally, crawled back into the bed. “Walking is for the birds.”  
Alex giggles softly “you're cute”  
“You’re cuter!”  
“Am not” alex pouts.  
“Yeah, you are. The pouting is not helping your case, it’s only making you cuter.”  
“Justinnnnnn” he says, trying too seem mad but look like and angry kitten.  
“Oh my god, you’re adorable!!!” Justin exclaimed.  
“Stopppp” alex whines.  
“No. I will never stop. You are adorable and I can’t get over the fact.”  
“Im not adorableeeee”  
“Oh but you areeeee!” he said singsongy.  
“Nuuuuu”  
“Yaassss,” he said, holding it out, only stopping when he started to cough.  
Alex giggled softly “are you okay?”  
He held up a finger as he continued to cough, finally stopping after a while. He stopped to catch his breath, looking at Alex, “I think I’m okay,” he said slowly, wheezing a bit as he said it.  
“Are you sure?” Alex frowns.  
“Yeah, it’s just asthma. Give me a second, I’ll be fine… Hopefully,” he said, still wheezing.  
Alex frowns and nods a bit “okay…”  
Justin leaned his head onto Alex’s shoulder to wait out the asthma attack. He didn’t have an inhaler so there was nothing he could do but cuddle Alex and try to control his breathing.  
Alex holds him close, rubbing his back.  
Justin finally stopped wheezing, looking up at Alex after it stopped. “Baby, are you okay? You look kinda freaked out?”  
Alex squeezes his eyes shut but nods “y-yeah im fine” he says quietly.  
Justin sat up, “no, you’re not. What’s wrong?” He asked, slightly panicked.   
Alex shakes his head, taking a deep breath “im fine im fine”  
Justin started rubbing his back, holding him close.  
Alex flinched back slightly “d-dont touch me!” He says loudly.  
Justin jumped back, “what’s wrong?”  
“Don't touch me” alex whimpers.   
“I'm not, I'm not,” Justin said, putting his hands in the air, standing away from him.   
Alex takes a deep breath, biting at his lip “s-stop please” he whimpered quietly to himself, pulling his knees to his chest.  
“Do you want me to go? I can sleep on the couch,” Justin offered, having no idea what to do.   
Alex shakes his head “n-no don't leave” he says softly .   
“What do I do then!?” He said out of desperation.   
“I-im okay now” alex says softly “can we just cuddle..?”  
“Are you sure?” He asked hesitantly.   
Alex nods a little “y-yeah” he says softly “please?”  
Justin got back into bed, lying down and opening his arms so Alex can lay where he wants.   
Alex cuddled into Justin, burying his head in his chest “m sorry” he mumbles “m sorry i freaked out”  
“It's fine baby, you don't have to apologize for anything.”  
Alex shrugs a little, staying quiet for a second “i just-im sorry”  
Justin sighed, “I promise you that one day things will be okay. One day we'll be happy.”  
Alex nods a little “i hope so” he says softly.   
Justin slowly and hesitantly kissed Alex's head.   
Alex cuddles closer to Justin, clinging to him “promise you won't leave me?” Alex says softly.   
“I promise I will never leave you,” Justin said, his words muffled by Alex's hair.   
Alex nods slightly “i love you” he says softly.   
“I love you too.”  
“I love you more” alex says softly.  
“Never. Impossible. Couldn't happen. Nope. Nada.”  
“Justinnnn” alex whines “i dooo”  
Justin laughed, “naah.”  
“Fineeeee” alex pouts.  
He laughed victoriously and kissed Alex again.  
Alex giggles and kisses back, smiling a little.  
Justin sighed, somewhat happily, “you’re are so cute, you know that?”  
“Am i?” Alex says, looking up at him.  
“Yes, you are.”  
“You're cuterrr”  
“Okay, no. You are adorable, I am not. You are the cute one.”  
“You areeeee” alex giggles “you're cute too.”  
“No. I refuse to be cute. It is forbidden.”  
“But whyyyy.”  
“Becauseeeeeeee.”  
“Because whyyyy”  
“Because I saiddddd.”  
Alex pouts slightly “jussss”  
“Yeessssss?”  
“You are cuteee”  
“Nooooooo.”  
“Yes now shushhh”  
Justin gasped in mock offense, “did you just shush me?!”  
“Yes i did” alex giggles.  
“Rude.”  
“You do it to meeeee”  
“That’s different.”  
“Howwww” alex pouts.  
“I don’t know, haven’t thought of that yet.”  
Alex giggles and pokes his cheek “you're cuteeee”  
“Nooooooo,” he whined.  
“Yesssss”  
He pouted and whined loudly.   
“Jussssss” alex pouts “you're cuteeee”  
“No, you're cute dammit.”  
“Fineeee” alex pouts.   
Justin kissed his cheek, “I win.”  
“Fine fine you win” alex pouts.   
“Good to see that you admit that,” he smiled.   
“You're a dork”  
“Now that I will admit to.”  
“Good” alex giggles, kissing his cheek.   
He smiled at him, “I love you.”  
“I love you too jus” he smiles.   
Justin kissed him.   
Alex smiles, kissing back, wrapping his arms around his neck.   
Justin smiled, wrapping his arms around Alex's waist, pulling the boy on top of him.   
Alex giggles softly, nuzzling into his neck.   
Justin smiled and rubbed Alex's back as the boy laid on him.   
Alex closes his eyes, humming softly “you're warm” he mumbles mumbles.   
“So are you.”  
“Im perpetually cold what do you mean”  
“You do not retain your body heat therefore you are a heater to others while you yourself are always cold.”  
“That's an actual thing?”  
He nods, “yeah, to me you are warm. To yourself you are cold.”  
“Well that kinda sucks”   
“Only for you, it's good for me.”  
Alex pouts, cuddling into him.   
“Don't pout.”  
“Why notttt”  
“Because it makes you look cuter.”  
Alex huffs “shushhhhh”  
“Never.”  
Alex huffs and clings to him, staying quiet “you're lucky you're warm” he mumbles.   
“Oh yeah? What would you do if I wasn't warm?”  
Alex thinks for a second “id probably still be right here. Shush”  
“That's what I thought. You love me too much to let me freeze.”  
“You know you're right shush” alex mumbles.   
“Of course I'm right. I'm always right,” he said even though it was a lie and both of them knew it.   
“Mhmmmm keep tellin yourself that” alex giggles.   
“Shush.”  
“Make me” alex giggles.   
Justin gave him a look that said ‘oh really?’ “You know you can't just say those words to me.”  
“And why not?” Alex says.  
“It does things to me…”  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Yes, you know this.”  
“Maybeeee” alex giggles.  
“There’s no ‘maybe’ about it,” he said, his voice dropping a little lower.  
Alex blushes and looks down “welllll”  
“Well what?”  
“I dunnoooo” he giggles.  
“Okayy?”  
Alex giggles and leans forward and kisses him.  
He kissed him back, putting his hands on the boys hips.  
Alex blushes, wrapping his arms around Justin's neck.  
Justin smiled as he pulled away and looked into Alex’s eyes, “your eyes are so pretty.”  
“Really?” Alex giggles.  
“Yes,” he said, nodding. His hands were still on Alex’s hips, holding him close.  
Alex blushes more, hiding his face in Justin's shoulder.  
“Don’t hide your face from me baby,” Justin said.  
“Whyyy” alex says, his voice muffled.  
“Because I wanna see your face.”  
Alex blushes and peeks up at him.  
“Well that’s progress, I can at least see your eyes now.”  
“Shhhhh” alex blushes.  
“Nope,” he said, moving one hand to push Alex’s head up more.  
Alex whines, clinging to justin “nuuu”  
“Yesss,” Justin said, trying to keep his head up.  
“Staphhhh” alex whines.   
“Nooooooo.”  
Alex pouts and looks up at him “happy now?”  
“Very.”  
Alex blushes, covering his face.   
“No I just got you to uncover it!”  
“Shhhhhh”  
“Noooo,” he whined.   
Alex pouts and stays quiet.   
Justin started poking what he could of his cheek, “no pouting I said!”  
“Then what can i doooo”  
“You can love me.”  
“I already doooo”  
“Then love me more.”  
“Not possible”  
“Then kiss me.”  
Alex hugs and kisses him, smiling softly.   
Justin kissed back, pulling Alex closer to him so the boy was entirely on top of him.   
Alex giggles a little, leaning into him more.   
He smiled, “I love you,”he mumbled against an Alex's lips.   
“I love you too” alex smiles.   
“What do you want on the future?”  
“What do you mean?” Alex asks.   
He shrugged, “I dunno, like what do you want to happen in the future?”  
“I want us to get married” alex says “maybe adopt eventually”  
Justin nodded, “I want that too.”  
Alex smiles and kisses his cheek.  
He smiled and grabbed Alex's hand.   
Alex smiles, humming softly.   
“I can't wait until we're out of college.”  
“Me too honestly.” Alex says “it's stressful”  
Justin nodded.  
Alex hums softly, playing with his hair.   
“If you make fun of the length of my hair I will lick you,” Justin said. He had been needing to cut his hair for a while as it is getting long and Alex enjoyed mocking him.   
Alex giggles a little “i actually like it alot, but i enjoy teasing you”  
“So you don't want to be licked?” He said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.   
Alex giggles a bit “go for it”  
“You sure it's your face you want me to lick?” He said in the same suggestive tone.   
“Oh my god” alex blushes “i swear oh my gosh”  
“What? It's not like we've never done it before.”  
“Stilll” alex blushes “you know you always get me to blush”  
“I know. You blush like you're a virgin when you're actually a kinky fucker.”  
“Im not even gonna lie because youre right”  
“I know I'm right. Just because it's been a while doesn't mean that I've forgotten how kinky you are. I mean, I might need a reminder, you know, maybe you could refresh my memory?”  
Alex bites his lip “is that what you want daddy?”  
“Of course it is baby boy, now stop biting your lip, you know what that does to me.”  
“I know that daddy” he says “that's why i do it duhhhh”   
“Well why don't you come here and remind me.”  
“Make me” alex smirks.   
Justin growled and flipped them over, him being on top, “I think I remember that you were going to put on a show for me, not make me do all the work baby boy.”  
Alex gasps softly “fuck. I just like when you get all dominant. Its hot”  
“Yeah?”  
Alex bites his lip and nods “uh huh”  
“You keep biting your lip, you must be eager to have something in your mouth.”  
Alex nods “maybee” he mumbles.   
“You gonna get on your knees and ask for it?”   
Alex bites his lip and nods a little “yes daddy”  
“Good boy.”  
Alex slowly gets down on his knees “can i suck your dick daddy?” He says, looking up at him with wide eyes.   
“Beg.”  
Alex whines softly “please daddy? I'll be good i promise please”  
“Go ahead baby boy.”  
Alex bites his lip, tugging off Justin’s pants.   
Justin helped him by taking off his pants entirely, taking his underwear off too.   
Alex bit his lip, licking over his tip slightly.   
Justin stared down at him, watching his every move.   
Alex takes the tip into his mouth, sucking lightly.   
Justin gasped, his hands going into Alex's hair.   
Alex moans softly, sucking more of him.   
“Fuck baby,” he moaned softly, lightly tugging on Alex's hair.   
Alex moans around him, bobbing his head a bit.  
Justin threw his head back, moaning again as he started thrusting into his mouth.   
Alex gags slightly, opening his mouth wider.   
Justin forced Alex's head down farther, making him gag and not letting him pull off.   
Alex groans a little, breathing in through his nose, palming himself slightly.  
Justin stopped and looked down at Alex, pulling himself out of the boy's mouth, “you know you're not allowed to touch yourself without permission.”  
Alex bites his lip “but daddyyy” he whines.   
“You know the rules baby boy.”  
“I know daddy” he pouts slightly.   
“I'll let you off with a warning this time baby but next time I will have to punish you.”  
Alex bites his lip and nods “yes daddy.”  
“Suck.”  
Alex nods, going back to sucking him.   
“Good boy,” he said, patting the boys hair.   
Alex moans softly, trying to sneakily palm himself again.   
Justin saw him and grabbed his hand, “what did I just say?”  
“M not allowed to without permission” alex says softly.   
“And what were you trying to do?”  
“Touch myself daddy”  
“Are you gonna be good or do I have to punish you?”  
“Hmmm i dunno daddy” he smirks.  
“Do you deserve to be punished?”  
“Do you think so daddy?”  
“I do.”  
“Then do it daddy.”  
Justin reached down to grab Alex, pulling him up and throwing him onto the bed.  
Alex gasps softly, biting at his lip and taking a deep breath.  
Justin got on the bed, crawling over to Alex. He reached out and pulled the boy close to him.  
Alex looks up at the older boy.  
Justin reached into his nightstand pulling out some things that Alex couldn’t see, purposely hiding them from the boys view.   
Alex bites his lip, squirming slightly “d-daddy?”  
Justin motioned for him to lay down, still hiding the objects.  
Alex nods slightly, laying down.  
Justin pulled out one of the objects and tied Alex to the bed.  
Alex gasps softly, squeezing his eyes shut.  
Justin laughed and pulled the restraints tighter, ensuring the boy wouldn’t be able to get out.  
Alex whimpers quietly, squirming a bit “j-jus” he whimpers.  
“What baby?”   
Alex bites his lip and shakes his head a little, not wanting to make him upset.  
Justin shook it off and continued with what he was doing. He reached behind him, pulling out another object. Before he did anything though, it had been a while and he didn’t want to hurt Alex so preparation began.  
Alex whimpers quietly, squirming and tugging on the ties.  
Once he was finished he pulled out what he had hidden. He then inserted the vibrating dildo into his boyfriend, turning it on.  
Alex yelps slightly, panicking slightly because he couldn't move “red red red” he whimpers “s-stop”   
Instantly everything was gone and Justin was untying him.  
Alex whimpers quietly, curling into himself, squeezing his eyes shut.  
“Alex?” Justin said, trying to gain the boy's attention as he got closer to him.  
Alex whimpers quietly and shakes his head “s-stop” he whimpers, not hearing justin “p-please”  
Justin nodded even though he couldn’t see him and got up off the bed, backing away.  
Alex takes deep breaths, trying to calm himself down from his panic attack “j-jus help” he whimpers.  
“What do you need baby? What do you want me to do?”  
“J-just help” he whimpers “anything”  
Justin came up to him again, this time sitting next to him. He cautiously wrapped his arms around the by, pulling him closer to him to try and calm him down.  
Alex immediately clingings to him, squeezing, taking deep breaths “i-im s-sorry”  
Justin rubbed the boy’s back, “you have nothing to be sorry for.”  
Alex shakes his head “i-i ruined the mood” he mumbles.  
“Alex, it is fine.”  
“No it's not” alex mumbles “i feel bad. I ruined just because of something stupid.”  
“Alex, it’s not stupid. Honestly, I’m happy that you said something rather than letting it continue and feeling uncomfortable.”  
Alex shrugs a little, nuzzling into him “m still sorry”  
“Don’t be, I’m fine, everything’s fine. All I care about is that you are okay.”  
“Are you sure…?” Alex says softly, looking up at him.  
He nods, “yes, you are all I care about. If I really cared about getting off that much, I’d be in the bathroom or laying on the bed next to you doing it myself and I’m not. I only care about you.”  
Alex nuzzles into his neck “i love you” he mumbles “so so much”  
“I love you too.”  
“I love you more” he mumbles, yawning a little.  
“I will let you get away with those lies right now but only because I’m too tired to argue with you.”  
Alex giggles a little “me too”   
“Sleep?”  
Alex nods “sleep” he mumbles.   
They both laid down, falling asleep cuddled up to each other.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all probably forgot about this but yeah, probably gonna be triggering things in here so be warned.

Justin woke up to the sound of his phone alerting him of a text. He groaned but grabbed his phone, silencing it so it didn't wake up Alex. He then checked what the message was. 

**‘Im not quite done with you two yet. Better watch your back. And your little boyfriend too’**

**‘What is this, The Wizard Of Oz? Hate to break it to you but I'm not Dorothy.’**

**‘Whatever. But i really do suggest you do, if you don't want anything else to happen’**

**‘Like what? You can't do anything to us, it's two against one. You wouldn't stand a chance against us.’**

**‘If you say so Foley.’**

**‘I know so. You can't take us both at the same time. I'm not the same person you knew in high school. I'm not afraid of you any more.’**

**‘Oh is that so?’**

**‘Yes. I'm not afraid of you.’**

**‘We’ll see about that.’**

**‘Whatever asshole.’**

Alex started stirring after that, slowly waking up “jus?” He says softly. 

Justin put his phone down and put his arms around Alex, “nothing baby, my phone just woke me up.”

Alex nods a little, cuddling into him again “what was it?”

He shook his head, preparing himself to lie to Alex again when he stopped himself and sighed, “Bryce.”

Alex frowned, burying himself further in Justin's neck “what'd he want?”

“Like always just threatening me.”

Alex frowns a little “what's his problem anyway” he mumbled. 

“He's an asshole who has never been told no so he thinks he's entitled to everything.”

Alex nods a bit “that's true”

“Yeah. He also thinks we're his toys.”

“Can't we just tell the cops” alex mumbles “so we don't have to deal with this?”

“I wish we could. We probably could but…” Justin trailed off. He was still afraid of the other boy, he knew what he could do but he wanted to protect Alex so he had to stay strong and pretend he wasn't afraid. 

“But what?” Alex says softly, looking up at him. 

“I'm scared,” he said quietly. 

“Jus” alex says softly “it's okay to be scared. Its  _ normal _ ”

“Nothing about this situation is normal.” Justin sighed, “he threatens me over text everyday. There's things he says he'll do if we tell anyone. I know what he's capable of and I don't want him to hurt you. I don't care what he does to me, as long as he doesn't hurt you anymore.”

“I don't want you to get hurt either” alex says “what does he say he'll do..?”

Justin unlocked his phone, handing it to Alex so he could read all of the texts. “I'll be fine. I can handle it. But he uses you against me, threatens to hurt you only because he knows it'll hurt me more than if he actually did it to me. Has he ever texted you?”

Alex takes his phone, scrolling through the messages. He bites his lip and shakes his head “n-no he hasn't” he says softly, but he was lying, he didn't want Justin to worry more.

“Alex, if he has, please tell me. Please,” Justin pleaded, he knew the texts he got and if he was texting Alex he knew that it wouldn't be good. He knew Alex wouldn't argue and fight against what he said. He knew Bryce could get to Alex and he knew he could hurt him. 

Alex bites down on his lip, nodding a little “y-yeah” he says softly “he has.”

Justin's eyes widened and his jaw hardened, “what did he say?” He asked, angry that he had been harassing Alex. 

“Mostly the same stuff he's been saying to you” he says softly “a little more sometime”

“What else does he say?” Justin asked, he needed to know what the asshole was saying to his boyfriend. 

“It really doesn't matter Justin. It's fine” he says.

“No, it does matter. Please tell me what he says to you.”

“Just threatening and stuff..”

Justin sighed, “I know there’s something you’re not telling me about this.”

“I don't want you to worry about me.”

“I’m gonna worry about you no matter what. I’m also gonna worry more if you don’t tell me. I know what he’s capable of and I don’t want you to get hurt again by him.”

“I won't get hurt Jus” alex says softly “i'll be fine”

“I really don’t believe that,” he sighed, “but that’s why you’re not going to be alone anymore.”

Alex sighs and nods “okay” he says softly.

“If what he says to you is anything 

 

that could hurt you, please tell me. I love you.”

“I love you too” alex says softly “and i'll tell you.”

“Okay baby.”

Alex nods a little, cuddling into him. 

“He won't hurt us anymore.”

“I hope not” alex mumbles. 

Justin nodded, “when's your next shift?”

Alex shrugs a little “tomorrow i think”

“Okay, I was curious,” he said, pulling Alex closer to him and kissing his head.

Alex nods, cuddling close to him.

“What do you want to do today?”

“Stay in bed all day and cuddle” he says.

“I’m good with that,” he smiled. 

Alex nods and nuzzles into him “mhmmmm”

Justin kissed his head again, rubbing his back at the same time.

“I love you” he mumbles.

“I love you too.”

Alex hums softly, closing his eyes “hey jus?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Do you ever just feel...numb? Like everything is already so  _ bad _ and it just can't get any worse? Like a staticy feeling i guess?”

He nods, “yeah, I have. I hate it. I hate that you feel that way.”

Alex cuddles into him “i hate that you feel that way too.” He mumbles.

“One day, will everything be okay? Will we ever be happy and have no one trying to hurt us?”

“I hope so” alex mumbles.

“Me too.” 

Alex nods, closing his eyes.

Justin sighed, still rubbing his back. 

“M tired” alex mumbles.

“Then go back to sleep,” Justin said.

“Not that kinda tired”

“Just tired of this?”

“Yeah..tired of feeling like this”

“Yeah. It can only get better from here though, right?”

“True” alex says, nodding. 

Justin nodded and laid his head on Alex's. 

Alex yawns softly, closing his eyes. 

Justin closed his eyes as well, he knew they would both fall back asleep, it seemed inevitable. 

Alex nuzzles closer to him, slowly falling asleep, not noticing when his phone went off.

Justin heard it but knew Alex was practically asleep. He didn't want to wake Alex up again so he figured he'd check his texts and wake him up if it were important. It wasn't invading his boyfriends privacy he was just curious as to who would text at this time, it was probably spam but still. He wanted to know, the thought in the back of his mind was that it was Bryce and he wanted to tell him to stop and leave Alex alone.

**‘You better still come at the time i told you. If you don't want anything to happen to justin.’**

He frowned but texted back, pretending to be Alex, hoping he wouldn't notice it wasn't.  **‘What will you do to him if I don't?’**

**‘Im sure you already know the answer to that.’**

**‘You can't get away with this. Someone will find out and you'll go back to jail.’** He texted back 

**‘And who would find out? Unless you tell anyone.’**

**‘Someone read over Justin's shoulder. They saw the texts you sent him. They know. What are you gonna do about it? We didn't tell them and they could go to the police,’** Justin typed even though Alex didn't know that Jeff knew. 

**‘Did they “find out” or did one of you tell them.’**

**‘He read over Justin's shoulder and took his phone from him because the text looked suspicious and he read through the rest.’**

**‘If the police are told the pictures will get sent out. Just know that’**

**‘He might have gone to the police without us knowing. It's out of our control what he does with the information. And your threatening will do nothing to stop him. If he wanted to tell the police he would,’** he was irritated but he hoped it wouldn't show and that him being Alex was still believable. 

**‘Im guessing im not talking to who i think i am. Am i Justin?’**

Justin froze, he had no idea what to say back. He knows he isn't Alex but he had to make him believe it was,  **‘no it's Alex, Justin is asleep. He doesn't know about this.’**

**‘Its obvious you aren't. Alex doesn't argue with what i say, he's much more scared of what i'll do. Especially to you’**

Justin knew there was no way to make him seem like Alex again,  **‘fine, it is me. You won't touch me or Alex again. We're done with this. As I said before, we have an outside source that can help and I didn't tell him. He was with me that night and read your texts. I haven't talked to him in few days, he could've already told the police.’**

**‘You'll need proof that i've done anything’**

**‘We have the texts and with your criminal history I doubt they'd look twice.’**

**‘Whatever Justin. Guess ill see you in court, since im sure the police will know now.’**

**‘Yep, see you there asshole,’** Justin responded, he didn't know if Jeff told the police, he didn't even know if Jeff remembered what had happened but Bryce didn't need to know any of that. Justin needed something to be able to scare him, maybe that would make him go away. 

Alex stirs slightly, nuzzling closer to Justin “what happened?” He mumbled softly, still keeping his eyes closed. 

“Nothing baby, go back to sleep,” Justin said, deleting the texts. 

Alex nods slightly “mkay” he says softly. 

Justin rubbed his back, holding him close. He held onto Alex's phone in case the asshole texted again and because he didn't want to disturb Alex by putting it back. 

Alex hums softly “are you gonna go to sleep too?” He mumbles. 

“Maybe,” he responded. He knew he probably wouldn't, he was on edge, worried about what Bryce was trying to make Alex do. 

Alex nods a little “are you okay?” He says softly. 

“Yeah baby, I'm fine. Just go to sleep.”

Alex shakes his head “something's wrong” he mumbles, looking up at him “tell me”

Justin sighed, he knew he couldn't lie to him and he didn't want Alex to be mad at him. “Asshole,” he mumbled. 

“What'd he want.” Alex mumbles.

“Please don't be mad at me but you fell asleep and your phone went off so I checked it and he had texted you and I texted back pretending to be you. He was threatening you again.”

Alex tensed up slightly “w-whatd he say..?” He says softly. 

“He said that you better be where he said at the time he told you. What is he talking about?”

“H-he told me to meet him somewhere or he'd hurt you” alex mumbles. 

“You're not going anywhere without me. He can't hurt us when we're together.”

Alex nods slightly “im sorry” he says softly “i-i should've told you”

“It's okay. There's lots of things that I used to keep from you that I should've told you. All I want is for you to tell me if you're in danger. That's all.”

Alex nods slightly, nuzzling into him “okay” he says softly. 

“You know I'm not letting you meet up with him right?!”

Alex nods “i-i know” he says softly. 

“He won't hurt me, I'll be fine. If you go he will hurt you and then neither of us will be fine,” Justin said, trying to reassure Alex. 

Alex nods “o-okay” he says, taking a deep breath “im sorry”

“Why are you sorry?” He asked. 

“I dunno” alex mumbles “just sorry..”

“Okay,”. Justin said, “i love you.”

“i love you too” he says softly. 

“You don't blame me for all of this do you? Like I'm the one that brought you into it and it's my fault it's still happening,” Justin trailed off. 

“Justin no” alex frowns, looking up at him “i don't blame you for anything”

“You should.”

“I don't.” He mumbles “it's not your fault at all. I promise”

“I introduced you to him even though I knew what he could do. He's only still going after you because he's mad at me and wants to hurt me. It is my fault.”

“Justin its okay” alex says “i promise. Please don't blame yourself for this”

Justin shrugged, he knew it was his fault and he knew Alex knew that. He also knew that Alex would lie to make him feel better. 

Alex sighs softer, just cuddling into him, not saying anything else.

He held Alex tighter, wanting the boy as close to him as possible.

“I love you jus” alex mumbles “so so much”

“I love you too Lex, more than words could ever say.”

Alex hums softly, “m really tired now”

“You can sleep again,” Justin said, rubbing his back. 

“You go to sleep too” alex mumbles.

“I know.”

Alex nods and closes his eyes, slowly falling asleep. 

Justin stayed awake for a while longer, his thoughts not letting him sleep but eventually he fell asleep as well. 

\----------------------

A few hours later Alex woke up, watching justin.

Justin was still asleep but by the way he was moving constantly he was either having a nightmare or in the process of waking up.

Alex frowns a little “Jus?” He says softly, careful not to touch him incase he was having a nightmare.

He started to move more, talking a bit as well, however the only thing he would say was Alex’s name.

“Justin?” Alex says softly, hesitantly shaking him a little “wake up”

Justin woke up slowly, due to Alex shaking him, “what? Is something wrong? Is there a fire? Fire!”

Alex giggles a little “i thought you were having a nightmare, i was worried” alex says softly.

“No, it was just a dream about you. I always dream about you,” he said, pulling Alex close to him,burying his face in his shoulder.

Alex blushes, wrapping his arms around him “what was it about?”

“We graduated and moved into a house together. We then got married and it was the best wedding ever. We were at the beach in this cute little area. Your family was there and all of our friends. Monty pushed Jeff into the ocean in his tux and you pushed me into the cake. Your mom cried and so did I. Then we adopted children, we had a little boy and girl. Jace and Ansley Standall; yes, I took your last name. It was all perfect.”

Alex smiles and kisses his cheek “that sounds amazing” alex mumbles “really great”

“I can’t wait until all of that comes true,” he smiled.

“Me too” alex says, smiling.

“I want it that way too. If it’s okay with you, I want to take your last name.” 

“It's okay with me” Alex says, smiling.

“Good,” he smiled and kissed his cheek.

Alex smiles, cuddling into him “i love you”

“I love you too.”

“I love you more”

“To save arguing how about we love each other equally?”

“Hmmm okay,” alex says, smiling.

“Good. No arguing,” Justin said before kissing him.

Alex smiles and kisses back.

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Im notttt” alex says.

“But you are.”

“Nope”

“Yessssss,” he whined.

“Justinnnnnnn”

“No arguing. You are amazing. End of discussion,” he said before laughing.

Alex pouts and crosses his arms “fineeee”

“Good boy,” Justin joked, patting Alex's head. 

Alex blushes a little, sticking his tongue out at him. 

Justin gasped in mock offense, “how dare you stick your tongue out at me, I'll have my lawyers know about this!”

Alex laughs “you're a dork”

“I can't argue with you on that,” he said, laughing. 

“Good” alex giggles. 

Justin smiled and stared at the boy, eyes full of love and adoration. 

“What?” Alex says, looking up at him.

“I just love you, that’s all.”

Alex blushes a little “i love you too”

Justin leaned back closer to him again, now practically laying on top of the boy.

Alex giggles softly and kisses his cheek.

He smiled and reached up to play with the other boy’s hair.

Alex hums softly, leaning into his hand.

Justin leaned down to kiss Alex, his hands still in his hair.

Alex smiles and kisses back “i love you” he mumbles “so so much”

“I love you too,” he said, smiling.

“I like when you play with my hair” alex mumbles.

“I like doing it. It’s calming.”

Alex smiles and kisses his cheek, humming a bit.

Justin continued to play with his hair. He started to attempt to braid it but due to Alex’s hair being short it was a very small braid and doing it resulted in Justin pulling Alex’s hair.

Alex moans quietly, leaning into him more.

Justin undid it, making another braid in the front of his hair to make him look like a unicorn, purposely pulling his hair this time.

Alex lets out another soft moan “justin fuck”

“What baby?” He asked with faux innocence, like he didn’t know what he did.

Alex pouts “you know i get turned on when you pull my hair”

He pulled the boy's hair again, “oops.”

Alex whines softly “j-jussss”

“What?” He asked in the same fake innocent way before doing it again.

“F-fuck jus stop” alex whines.

“Fine,” he said, pulling on his hair one last time and rolling off of him.

“Noooo come back and cuddle” he pouts. 

“But what's the fun in it if I'm not allowed to turn you on?”

Alex pouts “pleaseeee”

Justin rolled back on top of him, “okay, I'm squishing you.”

Alex giggles and cuddles into him “thank you”

Justin started  running his fingers through Alex's hair, “do you know how tempting it is to pull it?”

“No?” 

“Very. But I have more self control than that. No matter how much I want to,” he very lightly tugged on his hair, “I won't unless you want it.”

Alex blushes, nuzzling into him “this is why i love you” he mumbles. 

“Why? Because I have to stop myself from making you horny?”

“No thats not what i mean” alex says, rolling his eyes “because you womt do anything unless you know im okay with it”

“Oh yeah, that too. We both know what it feels like to be forced to do something we don't want too. I'm not gonna force you into anything, that's why I usually won't do anything unless you start it.”

Alex smiles leaning forward and kissing him “i love you. So so much”

“I love you too.”

“I love you moreee”

“No, I love you more,” Justin said tugging lightly on his hair. 

“Nuuu” alex pouts “i love you moreee”

“Nope.”

“Yepppp”

“No,” he said, lightly pulling his hair again. 

Alex gasps softly “jusss” he whines. 

“What?”

“I love you more”

“I said no.”

Alex pouts “why nottt”

“Because I love you more.”

Alex pouts “fine.”

He laughed, smiling and playing with his hair.

Alex cuddles into him, humming softly. 

He kissed his cheek. 

“What time is it?” Alex mumbels

“I think it's somewhere around 3 or 4 pm.”

Alex pouts softly “i gotta go to workkk” he whines. 

“Okay. I'm walking you there and home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I am not letting you go alone.”

“But i don't want you to walk home alone either” alex pouts “can't you just stay there with me? I don't have a very long shift”

“I can try. You know your boss gets mad when I stay there, he says I distract you from your work. That's why I started staying home by myself. If he gets mad and I have to leave, I'll be fine.”

“Ill talk to him” alex says “im sure he'll understand, please?”

“Okay.”

“Good” alex smiles. 

“We should probably put clothes on or you'll probably get fired and I'd get kicked out… Actually we'd probably get arrested.”

Alex giggles and nods “true”

“Yeah,” he smiled, getting up and finding clothes, throwing some at Alex as well.

Alex giggles and gets dressed, humming softly. 

Once they were dressed Justin flopped on the bed, looking up at Alex, “when do we need to leave?”

“Half an hourrr”

He nodded, “since we’re all ready wanna cuddle until we have to leave?” He asked, opening his arms.

Alex smiles and nods, cuddling into him.

They laid on the bed, cuddled together. Justin checked his phone for the time, “babe, it’s been a half hour…”

Alex pouts “but i don't wanna get up yettt”

“I don’t either but you can’t lose your job.”

Alex sighs and nods “fineeee”

“Just think, I get to be with you while you work!”

Alex giggles and nods “you're right now cmonnn”

Justin smiled and got up, holding his hand out to pull up Alex. 

Alex giggles and takes his hand, standing up  

“Let's go baby,” he said, wrapping an arm around Alex. 

Alex smiles and nods, walking to the door.

Justin followed him out and they walked down the hall, exiting the building. Once they were outside they walked extremely close to each other.

Alex holds on tight to Justin's hand, anxiously looking around.

Justin rubbed the back of Alex’s hand with his thumb, “no one will hurt you, I won’t let them.”

Alex nods, leaning into him “i know” he says softly.

They continued walking, it wasn’t that bright out so Justin knew it would be really dark for the walk home, the dim street lamps weren’t helping much. “Is it always this dark when you go to work?”

“Most of the time yeah” alex says “especially when it's really cloudy”

“Jeez, you can barely see. How do you not get lost?”

“Ive walked this way enough times i have it memorized, it's more so trying not to have a panic attack on the way.”

“It’s actually pretty terrifying. You should’ve told me and I would come along and protect you.”

Alex shrugs “it's fine”

“Not really. If I had to walk this by myself I'd force you to come with me.”

Alex shrugs, humming softly “it's fine Justin. Really”

He sighs, “if you say so.”

“Mhmm” alex mumbles.

They continued walking, soon coming up on the building where Alex works, both going inside.

Alex hums softly “just try not to distract me too much yeah?”

“I’ll try but you know how distracting I am with my good looks and stuff. You won’t be able to keep your eyes off me,” he laughed.

Alex giggles softly “i know you are”

“I know, sorry. I just can’t help that I’m so damn attractive,” Justin said as he continued to laugh at himself.

“Oh quit acting like it's a joke you really are hot” he rolls his eyes.

“Yeah but I’m not really that distracting, am I?”

“A little” alex says.

“I try not to be. Looks like I should keep my shirt on this time,” the last time he had accompanied Alex to work he had spilled something all over his shirt and had to take it off, resulting in Alex falling over because he wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing.

Alex blushes and nods “yeah probably” alex giggles “unless we want a repeat of last time.”

“True. Your boss would hate me even more and I’d never be allowed here again.”

“True”

He smiled, “I promise I'll be good and won't purposely get kicked out. Now let's go inside.”

Alex giggles and nods “okay” he says, walking in. 

Justin follows him in, hoping that he wouldn't be kicked out by the boss. 

Alex giggles and pecks his lips “i love you”

“I love you too, Lex.”

Alex smiles, going behind the counter

Justin went and sat in a chair, pulling out his phone to screw around on it. 

After 2 hours alex comes back and pokes Justin's cheek “im on break now dork”

“Yay, love me!” Justin said, opening his arms and throwing his phone. 

Alex giggles softly, sitting on Justin's lap. “Don't be too loudddd.” Alex giggles, nuzzling into his neck.

“I know i know. He's been watching me all night, waiting for me to screw up or distract you. He's just waiting for the perfect moment to get rid of me,” Justin said, glaring at Alex's boss. 

Alex giggles and presses a light kiss to his neck “then don't give him a reason” alex hums softly “i like having you here. Makes me feel better”

“I like being here a lot better than I like being at home alone. Also, I'm not giving him reasons, he's just my mortal enemy and is out to get me.”

“Well you did make me fall over last time” Alex giggles “i blame you because you're so hot”

“I had spilled hot coffee all over my shirt, I had to take it off. It's not my fault you couldn't stop yourself from staring.”

Alex huffs and rolls his eyes “shush”

“Nope,” he said, wrapping his arms around Alex and squeezing him. 

Alex blushes and cuddles into him “if we get to cuddle during every break im gonna make you come with me every day”

“I'm not opposed to this.”

“Good” alex smiles. 

“Yeah. I wonder how long it will be before he yells at me.”

“Who knows” alex says “hopefully be wont”

“Yeah,” he rested his head on Alex's shoulder, “how long until you have to go back?”

“10 minutes” he hums softly. 

“Okay,” he said, kissing the boys cheek before putting his head back on his shoulder. 

Alex smiles, leaning his head on top of Justin's.

“I love you.” 

“I love you too”

He smiled, kissing Alex’s shoulder.

“Stoooop” alex whines softly, nuzzling into him “if you keep doing that i won't get up and go back to work.”

Justin whined, “but I want to love you. You have to leave me and go back to doing stuff and I don’t like it. So let me love you, or bring me coffee. Either one is good.”

Alex giggles softly “i'll bring you coffee. Since i technically have to work for another few hours”

“Yay, but you have to wait until your breaks over to do it, I wanna hold you for as long as I can,” he said, pouting.

Alex giggles and nods, cuddling i to him “we have 5 minutes”

“Okay,” he said, slightly whining, “I can’t wait until we get home and can cuddle in bed.”

“Me either” alex mumbles.

“How much longer until then?”

“Two hours and about 3 minutes”

“Okay,” he said, still wanting to complain but deciding against it. 

Alex hums softly, nuzzling into him for a few more minutes “i gotta go back to work noww”

“Fiiineee,” he whined. 

“I love youuu” alex says kissing his cheek, standing up “two more hours, that's it”

“I know,” he said, pouting, “I love you too.”

Alex smiles a little and goes back to the counter, bringing Justin back his coffee. 

“Thank you, I love you.”

“I love you too” alex smiles, going back to the counter. 

Justin sat in the chair he was in and drank his coffee, switching between watching Alex and scrolling through his phone. 

Alex hums softly, after a while he walks back over to Justin “im done nowww”

“Finally, we get to go home. All I ever do is stay home and the one time I leave the entire time all I want is to be home. I never used to be this way, what did you do to me?” He said.

Alex giggles softly “i guess my antisocial tendencies rubbed off on you”

“Apparently. I’m fine with it though, because it means I get to spend more time with you.”

“Oh shush you big sap. Let's go before it gets too dark”

“It was too dark when we came here,” he said, getting up.

“Well let's go before it gets even darker and i literally have a panic attack”

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” he said, putting an arm around Alex and leading him outside.

Alex hums softly, and nods, leaning into him. “I love you”

“I love you too.”

Alex smiles softly, starting to walk home.

Justin followed him, keeping an eye out to make sure they weren’t being followed.

Alex hims softly, holding onto his arm tightly.

Justin continued walking, they were almost home and nothing bad had happened declaring it to be a decent outing.

Alex yawns a little “m tireddd”

“Me too. It’s a good thing that we’re practically home,” Justin said as they walked into their apartment complex.

“True” alex hums softly “i was worried something bad would happen or something”

“Me too, but it seems that luck is on our side tonight.”

“Mhmm” alex hums softly, leaning into him. 

They got into the apartment, “I'm going to bed, come with me and cuddle.”

“Okayyy” alex giggles “are se turning into that old couple that goes to bed at 9 pm”

“Yes,” he said. 

Alex giggles softly and nods “then let's go to sleeep”

“Agreed,” Justin said, walking to their bedroom. 

Alex hums softly, following him. 

They got to the room and Justin flopped onto the bed, pulling Alex with him. 

Alex giggles, cuddling into him, lying practically on top of him. 

He smiled, “I love you.”

“I love you too” alex mumbles. 

Justin wrapped his arms around Alex. 

Alex yawns softly “m sleepy”

“Then sleep,” Justin said, rubbing his back. 

“You sleep too” alex mumbles. 

“I will, probably.”

“Mm kay” alex mumbles, nuzzling into him.

Justin continued to rub his back until he fell asleep, falling asleep himself shortly after.

The next day alex woke up.

Justin had already woke up and was staring at Alex.

Alex looks up at him “what?” Alex mumbles softly “what are you staring at me for?” He mumbles, pulling the blanket up around him more, feeling slightly self conscious .

“Because you’re beautiful and I love you, also you look cute when you sleep.”

“No m not” Alex mumbles.

“Yes, you really are.” 

“Nuh uh”

“Yep!”

“No stop” alex mumbles, hiding his face.

“No, why would I stop?”

“Cause im not cute”

“Yes you are!!”

“Says who?”

“Me.”

“But you have to say that”

“No. Technically I don't have to.”

“Technically you do. Your opinion is biaseddd”

“No, some boyfriends are assholes and don't compliment their boyfriends so I win. I compliment you because I want to not because I have to.”

Alex pouts slightly “im still not cute”

“Yes you are!”

“Nopeeee” alex mumbles into the pillow.

“Yes. I will fight you on this until the day I die!”

Alex huffs and shakes his head “shhhhh”

“Nope.”

Alex huffs and crosses his arms.

“I will win with this,” Justin said very matter of factly.

“You can say it all you want it doesn't mean it's true.”

“Yes it does, when do I ever lie?”

“When you say im cute” alex says, he knew he could bring up other times, but he decided not to, so it didn't cause them to argue.

“No, that is truth!”

“Nopeeee”

“I will call my entire contact list and ask them if you are just to prove this to you!”

“No you won't”

“I will, don’t doubt me.”

“Mhmmmm sure”

Justin pulls out his phone, “I will.”

“Ill believe it when i see it”

“Okay. We’re going into my contacts now, see,” he said, showing Alex his contacts.

Alex blushes a little “who’re you gonna call then?”

“Everyone,” he says.

“I doubt you're actually gonna call everyone”

“I will and all my contacts will say that you are!” He clicked call on the first contact. 

“I highly doubt that since half of your contacts are Jocks that are bug on the whole ‘no homo’ thing”

He shrugged as the first person, who happened to be Jeff answered. Before Jeff could say anything Justin said, “is Alex cute?”

“Yes.”

“See,” Justin said to Alex.

“Oh my god you're really doing this” alex blushes “but Jeff knows that if he said no you'd kick his ass”

“I would do no such thing!” Justin said.

“I’m not lying Alex!” Jeff said.

“Sure you arenttt” alex says

“I’m not!”He said.

“Yeah Alex, he’s not,” Justin said. 

“Yeah yeah. Whateverrr im perfectly content being trash”

“No, you are cute!” Justin said loudly.

“You really are,” Jeff said.

“Explain to me how because i really don't see it”

“I don’t know how to explain it, you just are,” Justin said, Jeff agreeing. “If you still aren’t getting it, I can call other people.”

“Go for it” alex hums.

“Okay, Jeff I gotta call other people.”

“Okay, bye.”

Justin called the next person, not paying attention to who it was, confused when he didn’t recognize the voice. He looked at the person’s name to find that he had called a pizza place. “I know you don’t know us but is my boyfriend cute?” 

“Justin oh my god” alex mumbles “who'd you calllll”

“Ummm i mean i have no idea who yall are but if that was hik in the background he sounds pretty cute”

“See Alex, random pizza guy thinks you’re cute! Yeah, that was. He’s adorable and he doesn’t believe it!”

“I don't get how my voice is cute though? Like honestly.”

“He just sounds cute, like twinky cute”

Justin actually started laughing a bit at that, “thanks random pizza guy.”

“Oh my god what'd he sayyy” alex whines

“Yeah you're welcome” the pizza guy laughed, hanging up. 

“He said you were cute.”

“What else” alex pouts “that you laughed at”

“He said you sounded like a twink.”

“I do not!” Alex pouts “m not a twink”

“Why are you pouting about being a twink? I was called that I didn't care.”

“Becauseeee” alex says “it's like i dunno i get called weak enough as it is” alex says. 

“You're not weak. Who calls you weak?”

Alex shrugs “it doesn't matter.”

“Yes it does matter. Now, who calls you weak?”

“People at school and stuff. It's fine Justin, really”

“Alex, it’s not fine. I need names. I’m not going to just sit here and let people talk bad about you!”

“Justin its okay! I can handle it, we both know for a fact things have been a hell of a lot worse”

“I don’t care, I want to know. I don’t want them to continue to say things or for it to get worse!”

“Justin. Im serious.” Alex says, putting his hands on either side of Justin's face “calm down okay? It's okay. I promise. Ill tell you if it gets any worse okay? It won't be the same as high school.”

“It shouldn't happen at all! You don't deserve this and people need to leave you alone.”

“Jus.” Alex says softly “calm down okay? It's fine. It's not that bad, nothing i can't handle.”

“But you shouldn't have to. I just want to know who it is. I just wanna talk to them; tell them to leave you alone. They need to mind their own business.”

“Justin. We both know that you won't just ‘talk’ to them.”

“I will only talk to them unless they try to pull something. I promise.”

Alex sighs and nods “i think Monty may be mad at me about what happened that one night.” Alex mumbles “it's him and a few people he knows that i don't know. Either that or he thinks i weak because of what i almost did.”

“Are you serious? He's fucking doing it again?”

“Yeah…” alex mumbles “but it's fine. I promise. I can handle it”

“If it ever gets bad, promise me you'll tell me or Jeff, we will take care of it and make him stop. Promise me you'll tell one of us,” Justin said, he knew that if he talked to Monty alone it might get physical and he knew that he would probably lose which is why he'd bring Jeff as backup. 

“I promise Justin” alex says softly “i promise ill tell you.”

“Thank you. You know he's probably only doing it because he's angry and jealous.”

“Oh bullshit Justin” alex says, rolling his eyes “i don't think he has any reason to be jealous of me. He's doing it because he thinks im a weak piece of shit because i tried to kill myself. I can accept that. I can handle that.”

“Actually he probably is jealous of you. I guess I forgot to tell you but Jeff broke up with him and moved into his own place but we're still together. That's probably why he's doing it.”

“Wait when'd they break up? What? Is he jealous because i didn't break up with you..?”

“It was a couple days after the Palm Springs incident. We stayed together through everything and they didn't. You constantly forgive me and Jeff was tired of what he was doing and didn't want to deal with it anymore and told him to grow up. He's jealous because we're still together.”

“We've been through so much together. I don't think i could just end it all.”

“Me either. That's also why I didn't call him earlier.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I was calling people I wouldn't call him because I knew he'd probably say some unnice things about you. He's already said bad things about you to my face and I didn't want him to say them to you. However, I should've known that he already had.”

“What'd he say about me..?” Alex says softly, looking up at him. 

“He was just complaining about you and saying how much he didn't like you. Then he called me drunk. He was bitching about everything saying that you're an idiot for constantly forgiving me and that I don't deserve it or you and shit like that. Then he started crying. That's why I say he's just jealous. He probably doesn't mean anything he's saying, he's just upset and jealous so he's being an asshole to try and cope…  I hope. If he actually means what he says about you, I'll kick his ass.”

“Maybe he does mean it” alex shrugs. 

“I will kick his ass. I will make sure he leaves you alone.”

Alex shrugs again “i really don't care justin. It doesn't bother me anymore”

Justin sighed, “I just don't like it. I don't like you being treated that way. I know I've treated you like that before and I hate it, I hate that anyone does it because you don't deserve it. You deserve the world, not to be treated like shit.”

“Maybe i do deserve it. I hardly deserve the world Justin. Hardly. As fucked up as you think you are? You aren't. Yeah you've made some mistakes. So have i. And yeah maybe i forgive too easily. But it doesn't matter Justin. As long as i have you im fine. I'll be fine”

“I just don't like it and I'm your boyfriend, I'm supposed to protect you from stuff like that but I do a terrible job at it. That's all I want to do though; protect you.”

“Justin. Just because you're my boyfriend doesn't mean you have to protect me from everything. Okay? Its should be a two way street. We should protect each other. Not just you protecting me.”

He shrugged, “I've always been the protective one, no one's ever been protective of me. I just feel like I have to protect you from everything.”

“You don't have to” alex says softly “we need to protect each other. Especially with what's happened lately. You don't have to protect me from everything, yeah maybe i get upset easily but you don't need to protect me.” Alex says “that reminds me, i wanna talk about something”

“About what?” Justin asked. 

“About what's happened recently..” alex mumbles “i was thinking that maybe we could like go to therapy..? Like so we have someone other that each other to talk to and stuff...like how i used to in high school”

“I don't know,” Justin said, sounding hesitant. Alex was one of the only people he'd ever told and it was hard for him, took him years to do. He didn't think he could tell anyone else, he was still afraid Alex was going to laugh at him or use it against him, like the other people he'd told. “You can but I don't think I can.”

“We can go together..?” Alex says softly “i can make it so we can be in the same room together and everything.” He mumbles “you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to...i just thought it would help..like being in the same room together.”

“I don't Lex, I don't think I can tell anyone else anything.”

“Then you don't have to” alex says softly “you can literally talk about anything until you're ready. I just, i want you there for moral support i guess” alex mumbles “but if you don't want to i understand. It's okay.”

“Of course I'll go with you, I'll always be there with you if you want me to be. I just don't want to for myself.”

“If you won't go for you you have to promise you'll talk to me okay? Please?”

“Only if you promise not to leave me.”

“I'll never leave you” alex says softly “i promise”

“I love you,” Justin said. 

“I love you too” alex says, cuddling into him “i'll call in a little while and make the appointment” he mumbles. 

“Okay.”

Alex nods a little, humming quietly. 

“You don't have to work tonight do you?”

Alex shakes his head “i don't” he mumbles. 

“Good.”

Alex nods, leaning his head on Justin's chest.

“I like the days you don't work and we get to lay here together all day.”

“Me too” alex mumbles “but school starts back up soon so that's gonna be horrid”

“Don't remind me,” Justin groaned.

“Shhhh” alex mumbles, “lemme call then we can go to sleep okay?”

“Okay.”

Alex hums softly, calling and making the appointment, pouting a bit and curling back into Justin “gotta get up early tomorrow” alex mumbles. 

Justin whined, “noo I hate mornings!”

“I knowww” alex pouts “but that's the only time that was open. Alsoo...i was wanting to ask you something”

“Ask me what?”

“The night you got arrested...why were you so upset about it?” Alex says softly “im not trying to sound mean or anything but im just curious..?”

“I was just upset because I told myself I'd never ends up in a jail cell again and I did because I'm an idiot.”

“What do you mean again..?” Alex asks. 

He sighed, “when I was younger I had to deal with the police on a few occasions and none of them ended well. They always teach you as a child to call the police if something bad happens, that they'll help you and that they're nice. It was after what had happened with my mom's first boyfriend after my dad left, I called the cops and I told them what happened because I was scared. They came to the house we lived in at the time and since my mom wasn't there at the time they took me to the station as well. He basically told them I was lying and had just heard it on tv and the cops believed him. They wouldn't listen to me after that and they let us go home. They scolded me for ‘lying’ and said if I did it again I'd get in trouble. When we got home it was still just us and he was pissed to say the least and I ended up hiding from him and sleeping outside that night. All of my experiences with cops were something happening and me trying to get help only for the cops to never believe me and scold me. Every time I tried to get help I got yelled at. Some of the time they even treated me like I was a criminal, they would even put me, a child, in the cell because they didn't want to deal with me at the time.”

“That's such fucking bullshit” alex says “why would they do that to a fucking child?”

“I don’t know. My mom made up some lie that I had some mental problem so that’s why I kept saying that because I’ve called them multiple times in my life so because she told them that they never believed me and stopped even coming to the house.”

“That's not okay. Like why the fuck would she do that? Thats fucking stupid. Im glad we left because honestly, i'd fight both of them. That's not okay”

He shrugged, “it was years ago, before I met you, there’s nothing you could’ve done. I just don’t like cops. I’m happy we left too because we get to carry on with our lives together and away from everything else.”

Alex nods a little, wrapping his arms around Justin “i love you” he mumbles “so so much” he says, yawning a little “we should go to sleep so we aren't dead walking tomorrow” he says, giggling a bit.

“Okay, I love you too.”

“I love you more”

“Nuh uh, lies,” he said, burying his face in a pillow.

“Shhhh” alex mumbles, cuddling into him “lets just go to sleeep”

“Okay,” Justin said, pulling Alex closer.

Alex nods, closing his eyes “night Jus” he mumbles

“Night Lex,” Justin said quietly. The two boys falling asleep after.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who’s back! I finally remembered to post this after so long of it being finished. Y’all wanna know how long it took me to post this? We’re working on chapter 21. Yeah. That’s how long this has sat there. If you’re reading this, I know what you’re thinking, ‘you suck Kass’ ‘why did it take so long?’ ‘why didn’t you just post it?’ the answers to that are that I know I suck, you don’t have to remind me and it took so long because I kept forgetting about it which is why I’m just now posting it... yeah.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi yesz im sORRY this is so late thinks happened but im back at it

“Okay now that we're here im slightly nervous, scratch that. Im extremely nervous” alex says, holding Justin's hand.

“Hey, you were the one that was actually brave enough to come here in the first place, I chickened out of it. You’ll be fine, I will be by you the whole time,” Justin said, rubbing the back of Alex's hand with his thumb.

“Promise?” Alex says, looking up at him.

“I promise. I will always be by your side, no matter what.”

Alex smiles a little and nods, kissing his cheek “i love you”

“I love you too,” Justin said as a lady walked out, coming over to Alex.

“Are you Alex?”

Alex bites his lip and nods “yeah. Im alex”

“I’m Lisa,” she said smiling. “If you would like we could go back into my office?”

Alex nods “okay” he says, squeezing justin's hand.

Justin got up with Alex as the two followed her back into the room.

Alex bites his lip, humming quietly as he sat in one of the chairs.

Justin sat next to him as Lisa sat in a chair across from them, “this session will be slow. I just want to use it to get to know you.”

Alex nods “yeah, i know. I've been through this before”

“Yeah, I saw that when I looked through your medical history, I just have to be professional,” she said, laughing at the end.

Justin sat there silently, not knowing how this would actually go.

“So, how has your week been?” She asked.

Alex glances over at Justin, biting his lip “eventful” he says.

“How so?” She asked, looking at the two boys. 

“Not ready to say just yet” alex says “eventually, but not yet”

“Okay, that’s fine,” she said. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” She asked Alex, “or you?” She asked Justin who shook his head, not saying a word to her.

“There is one thing” alex says, biting his lip “hypothetically, what would happen if i were to stop taking my anti depressants?”

“Well I would work with you to try and get you back on them but if it got too out of hand and that didn’t work, we would have to send you to the hospital. If things got too bad, you’d have to go to the Johnson Unit,” she said.

“Johnson Unit?” Alex asks, confused “whats that?”

“The Johnson Unit is the mental health unit of the hospital. If you show signs of being suicidal, you stop taking your medication, you become even more depressed, we would have to send you there,” she said.

“How long would they keep me there…?” Alex says, leaning his head on Justins shoulder.

“Until you were feeling better. It’s up to the doctors there and you. Some people stay there for days, some weeks, others months. There’s no certain amount of time you would be there.” 

Alex nods slowly, biting his lip “okay.” He mumbles “okay. I was just wondering”

She nodded, “I get questions like that a lot. Now there is something I would like to do every session, to document. I’m going to ask you a series of questions and I want you to think back on the last week and answer using zero, one, two, or three. Zero means not at all, one means a couple times, two means nearly everyday, and three means it’s happening everyday. Does that makes sense?”

Alex nods, biting his lip “yeah okay” he says “alright”

She nods, “had little to no pleasure in doing things?”

“Between zero And one i think” alex says.

“Talked so slow or fast that others couldn’t understand you?”

“I don't think so?” Alex says, looking over at Justin “have i?” He asks.

“No.”

“Okay so zero,” she says.

Alex frowns a little biting his lip “yeah” he mumbles softly.

She nods, writing it down, “slept too little or overslept?”

“One” alex says, 

“Ate too little or constantly overate?”

Alex bites his lip “three” 

“Not finding joy in things you always used to?”

“One”

“Finding it difficult to do simple things such as make phone calls?”

“Zero” 

“Thinking that you are a burden or a disappointment to your family and others?”

“Three” 

“Thinking you were better off dead?”

Justin looked at Alex at this one, hoping it would be low but knowing it wouldn’t.

“Um two or three” alex says softly.

She nodded, writing it down and staying silent for a bit. She finally spoke, “ so this week your total is 12. This is something we will do every week to keep track of how well your medicine is working.”

Alex nods a little, biting his lip. At this point he knew he probably shouldn't say that he hasn't been taking it for awhile.

“Is there anything you would like to talk about?”

Alex bit his lip, looking over at Justin “should i tell her i haven't been taking it?” Alex whispers in Justin's ear.

“Well she’s here to help you so probably.”

“Promise you won't let them put me in the hospital?” He whispers again, biting his lip.

“I don’t think I can promise that. I don’t think they would listen to me.”

Alex bites his lip and nods slightly, he knew Justin wouldn't be able to promise that, but he just wanted to see if Justin would be honest about it. “Well i um” he started “i haven't exactly been taking them” he mumbles “i stopped a few weeks ago” 

“Well that’s not good,” she turned to Justin, “you live with him correct?”

“Yeah.”

“You need to help him try and get back on them. How long have you been without them?”

“About a month i think” 

“Okay, you can go back to taking the same dosage as before, we don’t need to lower it. But you need to start taking it.”

Alex nods a little “yeah. Alright”

“There is something that we have our patients sign up for. It’s called ‘Telehealth’ and it’s a questionnaire that is sent to your phone each day, asking how you’ve been.”

Alex nods a little “okay, i guess i'll do it”

She handed him a form, “you just need to fill this out.” The form only had contact info and the people to contact in case something happens as well as their relationship to him.

Alex nods, starting to fill it out, putting Justin as the only other contact, deciding to put ‘fiance’ in case they wouldn't let him in the hospital if he just put him as his boyfriend.

Justin, who was looking over his shoulder the entire time, was confused by that and resorted to staring at Alex in confusion. 

“Just in case i do end up in the hospital or something” alex says softly so only he could hear “they won't let you in if they think you're just my boyfriend. Plus we're planning on getting married anyway so we're basically engaged”

“Oh,” he said, nodding as well.

When the form was handed back to her she put it on her desk. “I think that is all for this appointment, when would you like the next one to be?”

“Uhhh a week i guess?”

“What time is good for you?”

“No mornings, no mornings, no mornings,” Justin repeated like a mantra.

“I have the entire afternoon open,” she said smiling.

Alex giggles a little “then that's good, afternoon it is”

“I have a noon, three, and four-thirty.”

“Four thirty” alex says “latest possible time and we'll probably be up by then”

“Maybe,” Justin said.

“Okay,” she said, typing it into her computer then filling out an appointment card, handing it to Alex. “I will see you next week. It was nice to meet you both.”

“You too” alex says, smiling a buy and walking out the door with Justin.

They got outside and started to go home. “Well that wasn’t that bad, I guess,” Justin said.

“It wasn't” Alex hums softly “seee i told ya” alex says “ya know at any point during any of the appointments you can talk to, only if you want to”

“I’m good,” he said.

Alex nods slightly, humming softly “i wonder if she caught on to the not eating thing”

“Probably, I mean it is her job.”

“True but she would've said something id think”

“Maybe she’s waiting for you to talk about it. She might not want to push you.”

“Shes a lot nicer than the one i had in high school” alex says “remember how i would pretty much have a breakdown every time”

“Yeah, she was a bitch. This one is nice.”

“I know right” alex hums softly 

“I’m happy about that, you need a nice therapist.”

“I guess so yeah” alex hums “honestly if you werent there i would have been so anxious”

“All I did was sit there.”

“It was comforting having you there” alex hums “like i kinda knew that if anything happened you would be there “im a lot less anxious with you around honestly”

“Yeah. I’ll be with you as long as you want me to.”

“Ill always want you with me” alex says “if im being honest i don't think either of us would survive without the other”

“Yeah, I agree. I always want you here too.”

“Good” alex hums softly “i love you”

“I love you too.”

“I love you more” alex says, holding Justin's hand “what time is it?”

Justin pulled out his phone, “it’s three. This is normally the time we wake up but nooo we had to get up early this morning,” Justin said smiling.

Alex giggles a bit “its weird being up before 3”

“I agree, it’s too bright.”

“Honestly” alex hums softly, stumbling slightly, clinging on to Justin's arm.

Justin grabbed him, “Alex, are you okay?”

“Little dizzy” alex mumbles, blinking his eyes, trying to get rid of the black spots “im alright”

“What happened?”

“Everything got kinda dark for a second” alex says “im good now”

“Are you sure? You don't look too good, should I carry you home?”

Alex shakes his head “i doubt you could carry me anyway. Im okay jus im sure”

“I can carry you though,” he said, still concerned. 

“Justin its okay” alex says “you don't need to carry me”

“If it happens again or if you even stumble, I'm carrying you.”

Alex nods a little, continuing to walk, trying his best not to stumble again.

Justin continued to walk, keeping an eye on Alex the entire time.

Alex stumbled slightly again, hoping justin wouldn't notice. 

Justin tightened his grip on Alex's arm, to ensure he wouldn't fall, mentally deciding to wait and see if it got worse because he didn't want Alex embarrassed or mad at him because he carried him in public. 

Alex bit his lip, leaning into Justin slightly “m dizzy” he mumbles. 

“Okay,” Justin said picking him up. 

Alex clings to him, leaning his head on Justin's shoulder.

Justin carried him the rest of the way home, dropping him on the bed when they got there. 

Alex whines softly “cuddle?”

“Of course,” he said, laying down with Alex. 

Alex nuzzled into him, humming softly “thank you”

“You're welcome,” he wrapped his arms around the other boy. 

Alex cuddles into him, yawning a bit. 

“You gonna fall asleep?”Justin asked. 

“Maybe” alex mumbles “do you think not eating has made me so tired lately?”

“Probably. Lack of eating can cause tiredness and weakness. You're malnourished and your body's not doing good. You need to eat or you're gonna get really sick.”

Alex nods slightly “ill eat something in a little bit” alex mumbles “dunno if it'll be a lot though”

“Promise?”

“Promise” alex says softly “i'll eat something”

“Okay,” he said quietly. “I just wish you would take care of yourself. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you,” he mumbled to himself, in a very soft whisper. 

Alex nuzzles close to him “you won't lose me” alex mumbles. 

“You heard that?” He asked, lifting his head out of his pillow. 

“Heard what?”

“What I said.”

“Yeah?” Alex said “i heard you”

“I didn’t know that you would.”

“Is it bad that i did hear you…?”

“No, not bad. Not bad at all.”

Alex nods “okay..” he mumbles.

“I love you.”

“I love you too”

Justin pulled Alex closer to him, holding him.

Alex hums softly, cuddling close to him “m sleepy”

“Then take a nap.”

“I dunnoooo”

“Why not? Just take a nap.”

“It's weird but even a nap sounds exhausting right now. And i may or may not be scared i won't wake up”

Justin sat up and turned to face him, “are you sure you’re okay? That doesn’t sound normal. Do you need to see a doctor? Do I need to take you to the emergency room?” He asked, not hiding any aspect of his worry.

“I dunno...it might be that i haven't taking my anti depressants and it's just now starting to fuck with me i guess”

“You’re going to start taking them, right?”

“Yeah. I am” alex says.

“Good. If you start to feel worse, please tell me. Please don’t hide it from me.” 

“I wont justin, i promise. Ill tell you if it gets worse”

“Okay,” he said, still obviously worried.

“Will it make you feel better if i take them right now?” Alex asks, looking up at him.

He nods, “and if you eat.”

Alex nods and sits up “okay, i'll eat” 

“Do you want me to make something for you?”

“Yeah, sure” alex says “just not too much”

“What do you want?” he asked.

“I don't mind” alex says “it's okay”

“Okay,” he leaned over and kissed Alex before getting up to go into the kitchen, “take your medicine while I’m in here,” he yelled back.

“Alright!” Alex calls back, going into the bathroom, taking 2 of the small pills, walking into the kitchen.

Justin was standing in the kitchen, staring into the pantry. He was bent over slightly, looking into the bottom shelf. He heard Alex come into the kitchen, “I forgot to go to the store again so, yet again, we don’t really have anything.”

“It's alright” alex hums “do we have peanut butter or something?”

“We have like three jars of peanut butter,” he said, handing one of the jars to Alex.

Alex giggles a little and nods, taking it and getting a spoon, getting on the counter “ya know there's like 1,528 calories in a cup of peanut butter” alex says, eating a little bit “and 188 in 2 tablespoons”

“I have never once measured peanut butter so no, I did not know that,” Justin said, walking over and standing between the boys legs.

Alex hums softly, leaning his head on Justin's shoulder “i look that stuff up a lot, mostly by habit”

He nods, “I don’t think I’ve ever looked at one of those things on the back of food.”

“I don't even look on the back. On things like peanut butter it only tells you how many are in a serving size. I like google things like that, like when we get shakes and stuff i google it and see how many there are. I limit myself”

“You shouldn't. You're tiny, too tiny. You're going to make yourself sicker than you already are.”

“Yeah i know” alex mumbles “it's just kinda turned into a habit. I do it a lot and it's dumb but i dunno if i can stop? Like i have a calorie counter app thing on my phone and everything, i keep track and stuff and yeah i know it's not good but i think it's because of the eating disorder i dunno”

“Things will get better. You will get better. And, in a couple years, you won’t care about how many calories are in what.”

Alex nods a little, leaning into him “you think so?”

“I know so.”

Alex smiles a little and nods “okay” he says softly.

“I love you and you will get better.”

“I love you too”

He sighed and kissed Alex’s cheek.

“Im sorry jus” alex says softly.

“Things will be okay eventually, won’t they? Things won’t be like this forever, will they? I mean, we’re both afraid to even leave the house.”

“I hope it isn't always like this” alex says quietly “what ever went wrong?””

“I don’t know. I thought that after high school things would get better, that maybe we’d be happy. I was wrong. I wish I wasn’t, I wish we were happy but wishing gets nowhere. Wish in one hand, shit in the other, which one gets fuller faster? Wishing and hoping does nothing, but what else can we do?”

“All we can do it try i guess” alex says “we need to try and get over things. But it won't be easy.”

“I don’t think we’ll ever be able to get over it. It’ll probably haunt us for the rest of our lives. We’ll probably always be afraid to leave the house alone, even when we live in a different place and have kids. We’ll try and forget what happened, try to repress it but it can come back any time and in random bits and pieces. We’ll never get over it and never fully forget but all we can do is try, I guess. I mean, we have each other and always will  so we can help each other. At least we’re not going through all of this alone anymore.”

“You're right” Alex says softly “it'll always be there. And we'll always be scared to be alone. But we have each other. And always will”

“I’m so happy I have you. I wouldn’t be here without you. You are my world; my everything, without you I’m nothing. Things are bad now and at times it has seemed like the end but sometimes the moon looks brighter than the sun, things aren’t always what they seem. I’ve fought for you, I’ve broken bones for you and I would still. I will always fight for you. Sometimes things don't work out the way we planned and maybe we're meant to lose the ones we love but I will fight for you until then. I’m permanently yours. If someone took you from me, I will still always have you with me because on my arm there's a tattoo of your name. I love you and if you die, I die too.” Justin rolled his shirt sleeve down and on his wrist, in a heart, was Alex’s name.

Alex teared up, opening and closing his mouth, not sure what to say. Finally he just wrapped his arms around Justin's neck “i love you” alex says softly “so so so much”

“I love you too and now, I’ll always have you with me.”

“Shut up” alex mumbles “you're making me cry shhhh”

He smiled, “this is the first time I’ve made you cry that’s not from sadness.”

“I think you've only made me cry a few times”

“Within the past couple weeks or in general?”

“Past couple weeks” alex says “with everything's that's happened and all”

“I’m sorry I’m an asshole and I know it probably means nothing but I’m sorry for everything that I did. I regret it all. Going to Palm Springs, drinking, smoking, all of it. I regret it all.”

“Justin its okay” alex says softly “and im sorry too, for worrying you so much. I love you, so much okay?”

He smiled sadly, “I love you too.”

“I love you more”

He laughed, “nope,” he stuck his wrist up, showing the tattoo.

Alex pouts “okay fine” he huffs “buttt i wanna get one with your name now too”

“You wanna get matching tattoos?” He asked, “like something that means a lot to both of us?”

“Yes!” Alex says “definitely”

“What would we get?”

“Hmmm i dunno? We could get a quote or something?”

“Maybe. I dunno, we’ll think of something and then we will be the cutest couple in this entire town. No one will even try and compete.”

Alex giggles and nods “aren't we already the cutest?”

“Yes but people try and fight us for the title that we gave ourselves. This way no one will try and fight us.”

“But plenty of couples get matching tattoos”

“Don’t ruin my logic.”

“Okay okay” alex says “but what could we gettt?”

“Song lyrics?”

“Ooo yes! What song?”

“One that means a lot to both of us.”

“How about James Dean and Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With sirens? The one lyric ‘when everything made to be broken, i swear that i will never leave’”

“I was thinking that song too.”

“Yesss ooo or! ‘They say that love is forever, your forever is all that i need”

“I like that one,”  he said, smiling.

“When should we get it done?”

“Whenever, I don’t really care. Where do you want to get it at? Like what part of your body?”

“Maybe my arm? Like over the scars and stuff”

“I think I’ll do it on my chest, like over my heart or something.”

“That's honestly so cute. Let's do it today?”

“Yeah, there’s a walk-in place right down the street.”

“Yay! Lets goooo”

“Okay!”

Alex smiles and gets up, pulling Justin to the door.

He laughed following him, “eager are we?”

“Yes. Yes i am”

He shook his head at the boy, smiling, “you’re cute.”

“Shhhh no im not”

“Yes you are, now c’mon,” he said as they walked out of their door and down the hall.

Alex hums softly, following him, “this is so excitinggg”

“Yes, it is. I’m happy that we’re doing this,” he said as they left the building, walking down the street a few buildings until they got to the tattoo parlor.

“Does it hurt?” Alex asks.

“A little. It depends on where you get it honestly.”

“Im wanting mine on my arm, is it gonna hurt?”

“Probably not that much. The artist can lean on your arm and cut off circulation to numb it.”

Alex nods a bit “okay” he says “lets go, before i chicken out or something”

“At least you’re getting it in a not as painful place, I don’t know how much mine is gonna hurt!”

“Shushhhh” alex says, pulling him in “you're like all muscular i doubt it hurts that bad”

“I am not as muscular as I used to be. I can’t even remember the last time I worked out,” he said as they sat down in the waiting area, waiting until an artist was available.

“Still! You're like naturally muscular” alex says, sitting on his lap “plus you like lift me up all the time so that could be your work out”

“I doubt it, you’re not hard to lift up, you’re very light."

“Not arguing about thisss” alex says, leaning back against his shoulder “im just saying you're like all naturally muscular and stuff”

“Do you want to get yours first?”

“Will you hold my hand?”

“Of course!”

“Good” alex smiles “let's do this”

“Let’s,” he said, getting up as an artist came to them to bring them back.

Alex hums softly, sitting in the chair.

Justin held Alex’s hand as the tattoo artist began doing the outline for the tattoo, printing it on Alex’s arm. He leaned his arm onto alex’s, cutting off circulation to where the tattoo would be, soon after he dipped the tattoo gun into the ink, preparing to begin.

Alex bit down on his lip, squeezing Justin's hand.

The man placed the gun onto Alex’s skin, in the appropriate spot and began tattooing. 

Alex winces slightly “fucking hell” he mumbles.

Justin laughed softly at him, “just squeeze my hand when it hurts.” 

“It's not that bad just like, surprising at first”

“Yeah, I know. At least one isn't extremely painful though.”

“True” alex says. 

“Yeah and it probably won't take very long either.”

“I hope nottt”

“It's not very big and it doesn't have a lot of detail so it shouldn't,” Justin said. 

Alex nods, squeezing justin's hand a bit. 

Justin rubbed the back of Alex's hand as he waited for the tattoo to be finished. 

“Is it done yetttt” alex whines. 

“Almost, be patient,” Justin said as he watched the artist go back over the tattoo in some spots, making the lines thicker, meaning it was almost done. 

“Im not patient you know thissss”

“Yes, I know this very well,” he laughed as the artist finished it. 

“Is it done nowww?”

“Yes, now it's done.”

“Finallyyyy” alex says, looking at it “ooo i like it”

“Me too, it looks good.”

“Your turn nowwww”

“Yep,” he said, getting into the chair and having the same process done to himself only on his chest, over his heart instead. 

Alex watches him get it done “i have no idea how you do that like so unsurprisingly”

“I've been through this a few times so it doesn't phase me anymore, I know what it feels like and how to prepare for it. If you would've been with me when I got my first tattoo you would know how bad I used to be at getting them.”

“Someone should've recorded that”

“They probably did.”

“I wanna seeee thatttt”

“No, it was embarrassing and I will not allow anyone to ever see it again.”

“Pleaseeee?” Alex pouts.

“Fine. It’s on my phone somewhere.”

“Yayyyy” alex giggles “can i see when we get home”

“Yes and while you watch I’m going to lock myself in the bathroom so you can’t make fun of me.”

“Nooo i won't make fun of you. I bet its cute”

“It's embarrassing!” He whined. 

“You say its cute when im embarrassed”

“It is when you are. Your face gets all red and you try to cover your face and it's just so cute! I am not.”

“I still bet it's cute”

“I doubt it. I'm pretty sure I screamed and cried a little and I think I was clinging to someone but I can't fully remember.”

“That sounds so cuteee”

“How? It was extremely embarrassing and I don't comprehend how it could sound cute to you.”

“Because you're cute”

“Only to you,” he said as the tattoo artist finished, him getting up after. 

“You are cute shut up”

Justin kissed him, “as I said, only to you.”

Alex pouts slightly “you're lucky you're hot you dork”

Smiling and laughing slightly he said, “oh yeah? What would you do to me if I weren't?”

“Id still love you, and it's impossible for you to not be hot so”

“I could probably find ways,” he said, thinking. 

“Mhm sureeee” alex says “but i'll still love you so”

“Good. It's nice to know your not just in it for my looks,” he joked. 

“Oh hush, you know im not that shallow”

“So you'll love me when I'm bald and my balls sag?” He said laughing, not being able to keep a straight face at the last part. 

Alex giggles and nods “of course dork, i'll always love you”

“I'll always love you too.”

“Good” alex smiles, kissing his cheek. 

He smiled, “are you ready to go home?”

“Yeppp” alex says “lets gooo”

“Okay,” he said, walking out with Alex.

Alex hums softly, walking with Justin, gently tracing a few of the scars on his arm.

Justin wrapped an arm around him and kissed his cheek, “what are you doing baby?”

Alex shakes his head, leaning into Justin “just thinking”

He nodded as they continued to walk home, “I love you.”

“I love you too” alex says softly “ya know getting the tattoo kinda felt similar to you know”

“Really?” He asked, looking at Alex.

“Yeah” alex says “it's like, it hurts but im used to it? Like its kinda a good kinda hurt”

“I feel the same way about getting them because getting them just makes me happy. I don’t know why but I love them, that’s why I have them. After getting a couple you get used to the pain and you know what to expect so even though it does hurt it doesn’t at the same time. Does that make sense?”

Alex nods “yeah i understand. That's why i used to do you know..it was kinda a rush, a release. It felt good in a fucked up sort of way”

He nods, “this way isn’t something that could hurt you really bad way, I mean it costs money but it’s a good thing that stays on you forever.”

“It's a blessing and a curse at the same time. You could get a really bad one and regret it and end up stuck with it.”

“You could always get it removed or covered up. Getting it removed hurts, really bad and getting it covered up is no different than just getting a tattoo. You go in with the crappy thing and come out with something a lot better.”

“Im not even going to ask how you know how much getting one removed hurts” 

“Yes, I have gotten one removed but we don’t talk about that.”

“Now im curious. Tell meeee”

“Back in high school we all got drunk and someone dared me to get a tattoo because we had an at home tattoo kit and yeah, it went as well as you think it went.”

“Oh my gosh” alex giggles “what was the tattoo of?”

“It said ‘Bitch’ with a dick next to it. Don’t judge me, it wasn’t my idea.”

“Oh my” alex says “that sounds like something Monty talked you into getting”

“Surprisingly it wasn’t. It was some bet thing and him and I both lost and we both had to get them, I think he still has it because he’s afraid to get it removed but too embarrassed to get it covered up. I think Bryce is the one that made us do it and Zach is the one that did it.”

“That seems more likely”

“Yeah, I think we were 16 at the time. Next time we see Monty I’m gonna make him show you it.”

“That's gonna be hilarious” alex giggles, continuing to walk with him until they got home.

\--------------

A few hours after they got home, Alex, for some reason who couldn't exactly understand himself, felt fucking horrible. His wrists started itching again and he wanted to cut again. “H-hey Jus?” He said softly.

“Yeah Lex?” He asked.

“Can you just like, talk to me? Distract me or something before i do something stupid”

“Um, yeah sure. What do you mean by that though?”

“Mean by what?”

“That you’ll ‘do something stupid.’”

“If you genuinely wanna know, i mean that my wrists itch like crazy and i want to cut again. I just need something to distract me.”

He nodded, “come outside with me,” he said, getting up and holding his hand out to pull Alex up.

Alex nods and holds his hand, following him outside.

They sat outside on their balcony, Justin lit a cigarette and looked up to the sky, “look at the stars,” he said.  

Alex nods, leaning up against Justin and looking at the stars “it's pretty” he says softly.

“How many do you think there are?” He asked, “how many constellations are there, are there stories that we don’t know because they died out or their stories got lost?”

“There's millions” alex says softly “billions probably. There's probably so so much we don't know about space”

He nodded, “when I was little, before everything went to shit, my dad would always take me outside when I was sad, scared, or couldn’t sleep. He’d always have me look up at the stars and he’d ask me questions about them. He said his dad used to do the same thing when he was little and I always told myself I’d do the same thing for my kids. Sitting outside and just looking at the stars and talking always made me feel better and I hoped it would make you feel better too.”

Alex smiles a bit and moves so he's sitting on Justin's lap, facing him. “It did” he says, leaning his head on Justin's shoulder “i love you. So so much”

“I love you too,” he said smiling. He put the most used cigarette on the table and wrapped his arms around Alex.

“I love you more”

“Impossible,” he said, a smile not leaving his face.

“I dooo” alex pouts “you're really the best ya know”

“I’m really not. With all the shit I’ve put you through I’m closer to the worst than the best. I’ll never be the best but I can and will always try.”

“Shut up yes you are” alex says softly “you're genuinely really the best person i've had in my life.”

“There’s no doubt that you’re the best I’ve ever had in my life.”

“You really are the best. I hope you know that”

He shrugged, “so it’s nice out tonight,” he said, trying to change the subject. Alex is the only person in his life that had ever complimented him or said good things about him and he still didn’t know how to react to it so he would just change the subject every time it happened. “The stars are really pretty and bright.”

Alex frowns a little “no, don't change the subject this time” he says “i really want you to know that. You're really the best Justin.”

“Only in your opinion but that’s the only thing that matters; that you think that.”

“I don't care what other people think. You really are the best. I love you so much”

“I love you too Lex, so fucking much.”

“I love you more”

“Nope. I love you more,” Justin said, kissing Alex immediately afterwards so he couldn’t argue.

Alex blushes and kisses back, smiling a little.

Justin smiled victoriously, knowing that he had won this time.

“You're a dork” alex mumbles 

“Shush,” Justin said.

“Neverrrr” alex says

He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted a little at Alex.

“You're cuteeee”

“The day you get me to wear a bunny suit is the day I will agree with that. Until then, no I am not.”

“I might just make you”

“Now that is something that will never happen. You’ll have to hold me down or something because I’m not going into it willingly.”

“You would if i dared you too”

“Nope, still wouldn’t.”

“Sureeeee”

“I wouldn’t,” he said.

“Whatever you sayyy”

“Exactly, it is what I say cause I’m right!”

“Hmmmm”

“What?”

“What?”

“I don’t know anymore,” he said, shaking his head a bit.

“Me too” alex says, nuzzling into him “thank you by the way”

“For what?”

“Not thinking im dumb or something for wanting to do that” he says. 

“I'd never think you were dumb.”

“Still” alex says “thank you”

“You don't have to thank me,” Justin said. 

“I do” alex says. 

“You really don't. You don't have to thank me for doing things with you.”

Alex shrugs a little “still gotta break that habit i guess” alex says “getting used to someone actually  _ wanting  _ to be around me”

“Yeah, me too.”

Alex smiles a little, playing with Justin's fingers “also, im sorry for freaking out on you all the time”

“It's not something you can control, I know. You don't have to be sorry for that.”

“ _ Still” _ alex says “it just makes me feel bad i guess, like im a burden to you or something”

“You aren't. You haven't done it that much and I've done it to you as well. You aren't a burden at all. I love you and something like that isn't gonna make me stop.”

Alex smiles a little “i love you too”

“Good,” he smiled and kissed his cheek. 

Alex blushes a little, looking down

“Why are you looking away??” He asked, poking his cheek. 

“Becauseeee” alex says “i look weird when i blush”

“You do not!” He exclaimed, “you look adorable.”

“I do look weird!”

“No you don't! You look like the cutest thing to ever exist!”

“Oh bullshit”

“Even cuter than a penguin.”

“Now i know you're lying”

“I do not lie about penguins.”

“Mhmmm sureee”

“I doon't,” he whined. 

“Im still not cute”

“Are we really having this argument again?”

“Apparently so”

“Remember last time with the random pizza guy?”

“Yes i remember that” alex says, rolling his eyes “i can't believe you got the random pizza guy to say im cute.”

“That was all from just him hearing your voice. Could you imagine what he would've said if he saw you? I'd probably have to fight him.”

“Shut up im not that cute” alex says “im really not at all, i don't get what you see”

“We all see different things in people. To me, and many others, you are adorable. To you, you aren't but I want to change the way you see yourself because it's not good,” he said. 

Alex shrugs a little “i mean, I guess”

“I just don't like the way you see yourself,” he said, frowning.

“Why not?” Alex says softly “i've gotten a lot smaller since we've gotten together, that's at least a bit of a benefit isn't it?”

“No, it’s not. You were already tiny to begin with. If you lose any more weight you will literally be nothing. You’re too small and it’s not a good thing.”

“Maybe it is”

“How? How could you wasting away to nothing be a good thing?”

“Maybe i won't hate myself”

“You wouldn’t be alive to hate yourself. You’re already malnourished, your organs are going to start shutting down. If you keep doing this your body will shut down on you and you will die! Don’t you see that? Don’t you understand that what you’re doing will kill you?”

Alex bit his lip, looking down “i didn't really think about that” alex says softly “all i was worried about was getting smaller, i didn't care about anything else”

“You were going to leave me and you didn’t care,” Justin knew he sounded selfish but he didn’t care, he just needed Alex. “I need you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I can’t live without you. If you die, I die too. I can’t be here without you. I need you to get better, for fucks sake, I just need you. You’re gonna end up dead and with how you’re going now, if you don’t get better it will happen soon. I can’t handle that,” he started crying while he was talking, tears streaming down his face as he looked at Alex.

“I-im sorry” alex says softly “i promise ill try to get better. I promise” he says, hugging Justin “i just wanna be perfect for you Jus.” He mumbles.

“You already were. You didn’t have to change. You were perfect the way you were.”

Alex bites his lip, nodding a little “im sorry” he says softly “i'll get better i promise”

He looked up at Alex, his eyes red from crying, “promise?” He asked softly, holding up his pinky.

Alex nods, linking their pinkies “i promise”

“I love you.”

“I love you too”

He leaned forward and kissed Alex.

Alex kissed back, wrapping his arms around justin's neck

Justin wrapped his arms around Alex’s waist, pulling him closer.

Alex blushes a little, pulling back.

Justin kept his arms around Alex, just holding the boy.

Alex hums softly, nuzzling into him. 

“It's midnight, should we go to bed or stay out here?”

“Stay out here”

He nodded, “okay.” He grabbed another cigarette, lighting it and taking a drag.

Alex hums softly “it's nice just sitting out here. Kinda like the world just stops for awhile”

“Exactly, we can just sit out here and watch the world go by.”

Alex nods “mhmm” he mumbles “i just realised both things sound extremely depressing”

“Yeah, they really do but it's us so what else would you expect,” he laughed.

“You have a point there” alex says “which is depressing in itself but hEY”

“Right!” He said, smiling and continuing to laugh.

“If anyone saw us laughing about this they'd probably think we're crazy or something”

“We are crazy.”

“We are”

He sighed contently, taking another drag, watching as the smoke disappeared into the night sky.

“You're pretty” alex hums softly.

“You’re prettier,” he said as he exhaled, he sighed again and started playing with the cigarette.

“Are you okay?” Alex says softly, looking up at him.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, putting out the cigarette, flicking the butt away from them.

“Fines a lie” alex says “what's wrong?”

“Just thinking,” he said, playing with the almost empty carton in his hand. He needed to play with something as he was starting to feel fidgety.

“Talk to me” alex says, holding his hand “whatcha thinking about?”

“You, me, us, everything,” he answered back.

“Be more specific. What do you mean?”

“Well I was thinking about how much I hated cigarettes at the time yet I continue to smoke them, then my mind just wandered.”

“Wandered to what?”

“Just my past and our future.”

Alex nods a bit, playing with Justins fingers “i really cant wait till we get married”

“Me either honestly.”

“Itll be great” alex says “but which one of us woukd walk down the asile”

“I don’t know, I mean normally the dad walks the bride down the aisle to give her away and you’re the only one with a dad.”

“Oh hush im sure if it were you my dad would walk you down the aisle. He loves you you dork”

“True,” he said, “I mean, we have a while to think of this but I’m not sure. I wanna take your last name though. That I do know.”

Alex nods “thats okay” he hums softly. 

“Yeah. What do you want to happen at our wedding? How do you imagine it being?”

“I never really like thought of that much? If I'm being honest for the longest time i was convinced id never get married, quite honestly until we were like 19 i was still convinced it was a joke or something.”

“Oh really? I always thought you were gonna get tired of me or remember why you hated me and break up with me and kick me out.”

“Honestly that would never happen. I honestly got attached to you after like 6 months, plus everyone kinda hated me in highschool so i was scared it was on a dare or something”

“They all started to hate me too. High school sucked ass.”

“I really doubt anyone hated you, Jus” alex said “you were like, popular and all that”

“I was popular until I started to rebel against Bryce, he made everyone hate me after that, remember?”

“I spent half of senior year in the hospital, that's probably one of the things i forgot”

“Oh yeah,” he said quietly, “I try to forget about that.”

“Me too” Alex says “but you know, thats one of those things the we really can't forget”

“Yeah, I think we both have a lot of those.”

“We do” alex says, pressing his fingers against the slight scar that was still on the side of his head. 

Justin held Alex even tighter than he was before. 

Alex closes his eye, taking a deep breath “im okay. Im okay” he mumbles, leaning into him more. 

“You sure?” He asked, rubbing Alex's back. 

Alex nods a bit “yeah, m okay” he mumbles “just kinda a flashback”

Justin nods and kept rubbing his back. 

“I love you” alex says softly. 

“I love you too Lex.”

Alex yawns a little, nuzzling into him “m sleepy”

“Then let's go to bed.”

Alex nods “mkay” he mumbles. 

Justin stood up, taking Alex with him. He carried the other boy into the house and to their bedroom, dropping him on the bed. 

Alex giggles slightly “for a second i thought you actually dropped me”

“I would never drop you… On purpose. I'm not always the most balanced.”

“True” Alex laughs “i know you wouldn't on purpose”

“I've never actually dropped you before, have I?”

“Maybe when we were like drunk or something? I don't remember”

“Yeah, other than that I don't think I have ever dropped you.”

“You haven't” alex giggles.

“I'm actually proud of myself because of this.”

“Oh shush and cuddle me”

“Fine,” he said, pretending to be annoyed. He pulled Alex close to him as they laid together, Alex in Justin's arms. 

Alex hums softly, nuzzling into his neck 

Justin laughed a bit, Alex's hair tickling his neck. 

“Hmm?” Alex mumbles softly. 

“You tickled me,” he said quietly. 

“Hmm” alex mumbles, moving his head to Justin's chest instead. 

“Go to sleep,” he said softly, as he kissed the boys head. 

Alex nods “nigh Jus” he mumbled, closing his eyes. 

“Night baby,” he said as he continued to rub the boys back, eventually falling asleep himself as well. 


End file.
